Rehne do chhodo bhi jaane do yaar; hum na karenge pyaar :D

Disclaimer : 

a) This post is full of gallows humour. Narrow- minded people who take everything very personally may please refrain from reading this post... for I have no intention of offending anybody in any manner. I am only responsible for what I say and not for what you understand and perceive. 

b) Since the topic is very sensitive and heart-achingly (quite literally!) familiar to all, I would like to say beforehand that this post has very personal opinions as to why I am so averse to everything related to love and I, by no means, intend to preach anybody anything. 

c) The pictures have been inserted hither and thither just to jazz up the humour content of the post.

Apart from tax, there is this one enigma that I absolutely fail to understand - LOVE !

Ever since I gained sense, I have always considered love to be the very essence of our lives. They say that we learn to love even before we are born - as a fetus in the womb, we fall in love with our nurturer. As a kid, we fall in love with the caring eyes, the affectionate faces and the tender hands of our parents. But as we grow up, we tend to distort this beautiful feeling all together! I mean, see, isn't love supposed to be something that lights up your eyes like a blind man seeing sunshine for the first time? Instead, what I have always seen in my friends' eyes are tears! Isn't love supposed to be your sanctuary when your mind searches for solace and peace? But on the contrary, what I find is chaos and stress everywhere I look!

Of course my brother's suspicions could be true that I belong to Pluto, and not Earth, with my own stupid ideologies and beliefs about everything... but I would rather stand by my gobbledygook that to love means to slowly break down a person's walls without him/her noticing and then rebuilding them with windows to let the sunshine in, than accept what my eyes show me all around - darkness and depression because of love. So it's either me or there is something grossly wrong with the way people interpret love.

Before you declare me to be an alien from Pluto, I would like to first substantiate my basis of enunciating the above statements with the instances of love I have seen in 24 years of my existence in this universe -

1. The Fri-end Love

This is the love that begins on Monday and ends by Friday. The weekend is for recuperating with loads of booze/ ice cream. The next week, of course, brings a new story. Each Monday is an inception and each Friday is a breakup.

I remember wasting my chocolates for cheering up one such friend. I saw her crying her eyes out over her recent breakup (it was Friday) and offered her chocolates out of humanity. She had them all. She was seen with a new guy on Monday.

Lesson learnt : Never waste your chocolates on anybody. EVER. Eat them all by yourself.

2. The K K K Kiran Love

The obsessive love. While it evokes outrageous amount of passion in one party, for the other it is absolutely nightmarish! Kindly remember that there is always a Sunny Deol with his dhaai kilo ka haath, protecting his Kiran and that SRK dies in the end, before venturing into obsessive kind of love.

Query : What is the point of such an infatuation? You can never force anybody to love you, can you? Unless you can brew a love potion. But even in that case, you risk creating Lord Voldemort.

3. The Ex Parte Love

The one-sided-love. Another category of troublesome love, one sided love often enkindles unrealistic expectations in the party in question. The other party, usually uninterested, is caught unawares by surprise gifts and flowers and messages dedicated to them.

The consequences of this kind of love range from pitiful friend-zoning to dangerous 'wo meri nahi hogi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hogi' psyche resulting in blackmails, acid attacks or kidnapping or sometimes gruesome murders.

Query : Again, you cannot chain anybody and make them love you... what then is the point of expending all your energy at a place where one gets no reciprocation? Personally, I believe that what's yours comes to you no matter what and what is not meant to be yours is not going to stay with you no matter what! doesn't that make running after a person, who doesn't give a damn to your existence, totally futile?

4. The 'It happens only in India' Love

This has 2 dimensions -

a) Religion

Interfaith love has no unconditional acceptance in India. Period. I have read countless cases in the newspaper and have seen numerous movies on the same theme. Either or both the parties are shunned by their families for sake of religion. What I have always failed to understand is that every religion propagates love and in no religion does God ever utter a single syllable about killing one another in the name of religion... who, then, are human beings to kill His creations in the name of religion? This issue is so deep rooted and misunderstood and sensitive that I am afraid of deviating from the theme of this post if I delve further into this!

b) Caste

Another mystery I have never been able to decode. My own friends have been a victim of this and I don't even have the heart to touch upon the pain and misery it brings.

Query: Seriously, just one question - would you want your daughter/sister to be with a Hindu guy who indulges in domestic violence or a Muslim guy who keeps her happy? How does being with someone of the same caste guarantee happiness in any way?

5. The I-don't-walk-my-talk Love

People who promise the moon and the stars on paper and in face of even a slight adversity, jilt you in the middle of a landfill that leaves you stinking for a lifetime!

Lesson learnt : This, honestly, appears to be the worst form of relationship to me. It would leave you scarred not just as a lover but as a human being in general as it shakes one's faith in humanity.

6. The Gay Love

This is just to raise the humour quotient in this post :P

Imagine walking down the lanes of your campus with your male buddy expecting a 'I like you' at the very least. Instead, what you hear him saying is "I am gay and I like your brother"! :D

N.B : No offence intended.

7. The Infidelity-Apology-Pendulum Love

This is the most common love in DU ! I had tons of friends who had steady girlfriends somewhere and they would leave no chance of a fling with random girls they happen to meet anywhere!

Now, there can be two possibilities -

a) The steady girlfriend remains in dark about the flings.

b) The steady girlfriend somehow finds out about the flings and breaks up.

Possibility 'a' is a far-fetched theoretical situation because girls have uncanny abilities to find out everything. So ultimately, we arrive at possibility 'b' and now begins the circle of breakup followed by constant apologies and requests for patch-up. The steady girlfriend usually agrees out of past feelings. Things get better. The guy gets complacent and succumbs to temptation of flings again. Hence the nomenclature 'Pendulum'. Please note that girls too fall in the trap of flings and by no means, do I wish to imply here that this category is for boys alone.

Query : Why does the need for flings arise when you already are in love with somebody? I mean, logically, there can be only one inference of flings that you are not happy with the one you are with! So why the fake drama of commitment? It is like person has two separate needs of love and lust. For love, there is one steady relationship and for lust, there are numerous flings!

8. The No means Yes Love

It may be a subset of category#2 or #3. It is the kind of love in which one party constantly declines the offer in every possible manner but the other party is adamant in a very filmy way and has a topsy-turvy lexicon which says no means yes. I, personally, find this category, which is generally seen among boys, to be funny in an absolutely pathetic way. Why? Because I have seen my friends literally kowtowing to the person, who isn't remotely interested in them. 

My advice : Buy a new dictionary from here.

9. The 'Use Me as a Doormat' love

I will try to illustrate this in a very practical way. Did you have that geeky topper friend in college who was suddenly seen teaching/helping in practical files/completing assignments of the hottest girl in the class during the exam season? Well, I am going to let the cat out of the bag (sorry, girls!) - I have heard my female friends talking in the girls' room about how the geek was infatuated with them and would readily do anything just to talk to them. So they brutally ignore him the whole year... during the exam season, a little flirtatious smile does the trick and voila, they have all the notes and assignments and important questions lent to them by the geek. I feel sorry for the poor geek who, despite being the brightest and smartest in the class, gets fooled again and again, under the impression that those smiles genuinely mean something.

Query  : I am confused between the essential character of this category of love - is it the geeks's foolishness or the self-centeredness of the girl? 

 

(Geeks would understand this Rubik's Cube meme:P)

10. The 'Father of the Nation' Love
Well, the only place I like Mahatma Gandhi is on a currency note so when I say Father of the Nation, I mean money. 
This category of love is based purely on pecuniary interests. It is generally dominated by girls. Haven't you had any friend whose girlfriend left him for a richer guy? Or who was abandoned because he didn't gift her a brand new Iphone for her birthday? 
Query : I am a little confused. They do have a point though. I mean, people who claim love is more important than money... do they pay their bills with a hug?! But still, I personally feel that money can buy you a dog but you need love to make it wag its tail at you. 

11. The  Transitive Love
Remember that boring chapter in Maths - sets and relations? So, there was this category of relations called transitive relations. Simply put, if a>b, b>c then a>c. While this might hold true in the world of mathematics, it is impossible to be transitive in real life relations without involving a lot of pain for more than one person! A loves B, B loves C, C loves D and D loves A. Imagine the kind of pain and longing each of these four persons suffer when they see that the one they love doesn't love them back.   
This category of relationship has inspired a lot of Bollywood movies like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Dil toh Pagal hai etc but most of them end up being a love triangle and eventually the hero gets to be with his happily-ever-after. Sadly, life is not a movie!
My Advice : Never fall in love with a person who loves somebody else already. EVER.

12. The 'My parents want to marry you' Love
Well, this is India-specific relationship. The boy (or girl) stays in a relationship for a number of years and then suddenly his (her) mother rejects her (or him) for some silly reason like complexion\ height\job\amount of adipose tissue\shape of nose\too crazy about harry potter etc and the boy breaks up even before one can utter WTF! 
This category reminds me of Chetan Bhagat's 2 States... the boy loves the girl...the girl loves the boy...  the girl's family has to love the boy... the boy's family has to love the girl... boy's family has to love the girl's family...the girl's family has to love the boy's family... and in the process, if there is still any love left between the boy and the girl, they get married !

Query : seriously, does your mother have to live with him\her for a lifetime or you? Your parents already have each other and now it is not their but your life partner that you have to choose for heaven's sake!
(Also, in my personal opinion, If you find someone who is just as crazy about Harry Potter as you are, marry him\her without further ado ! :D )


13. The Dominating Love

Easy, fans of Fifty Shades (there are fans of this book?! Whoa.), I mean dominating in the normal way! The category where the person with deeper, more intense feelings is dominated by the other one who is aware of the fact that he/she has an upper hand because of vulnerability of the partner so he/she constantly hangs this axe of  'I am breaking up with you' on his/her partner and always has his/her way by emotional blackmail!

Query : I don't know if this 'coercion' even qualifies as love...I mean, this self- righteousness, is this even love? How long can anybody sustain such an emotionally draining relationship? And Why?

Of course, I understand that this is entirely an abstract concept and is subject to personal opinions... because you cannot control anybody's free will, that's the thumb rule when it comes to human psyche. And then there is another factor of looks! People are often deceived by looks... Cupid, they say, is blind! and by the time they realise that they bought silver misconstruing it to be platinum, they are already in the middle of relationship and getting out of it is a painful business for both the parties.

In the end, I am left as baffled by this mystery of what/how/why/where of love as I was before writing this post and wholeheartedly support all my friends' prophecies about how I am going to die single because my mathematics says alone > wrong.

But I can safely infer that love is congruous to CA Final -

• There is a lot of input involved. When I say a lot, I mean to say backbreaking, extremely arduous, involving sleep deprivation and nervous breakdown,  totally frustrating, mentally draining kind of effort. (Love totally requires painstaking effort)

• Your effort won't guarantee that you'd understand what the situation demands. (Who can understand why boys go nuts over shapes and sizes? And honestly, has anyone of you ever understood how a girl's mind works?)

• There is always a possibility of all your input going waste because of some amendment. (boyfriend, girlfriend and Wo! you can never know when a third person enters and ruins everything that you have created so far.)

• You might put as much input as you are capable of and still the output remains as uncertain and elusive as the identity of batman is for the people of Gotham City. (Are we ever sure of matters of the heart?)

Anybody who has answers to my queries may please comment in the comment-section!

Yours sincerely

Agony Aunt :P

इबारत रेत पर - My Odyssey with the Sand Dunes.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are heading when we arrive.

This pretty much sums up my journey to ' The Golden City' - Jaisalmer. 

As I type this, the melodious folk music of the city echoes in my ears, the aroma of the delectable dishes of Rajasthani food tickles my olfactory senses and taste buds simultaneously, my eyes are still getting accustomed to absence of sand dunes, my bare feet crave for the touch of cool sand again; Jaisalmer is truly a miniature India in itself.

After planning for weeks and weeks, I found myself amidst the vast stretch of Thar Desert. It was a mind - boggling sight ; from east to west and north to south, each mm of the surface of earth was blanketed with golden yellow sand. Away from the hustle bustle of the metropolitan cities, Jaisalmer is a place to unwind your chaotic mind, open up your restrained heart, rediscover your lost soul. Believe me, it will silence you to the core.

Here is the glimpse of my trip captured in pictures and videos (Apologising beforehand for the low quality - blogspot permits only a 100MB video so I had to compress 250MB to 100MB which ruined the quality of the video!) :-

Sand, Surbhi & Solace

If I sound philosophical it is because the natural beauty that the place has been bestowed with, has broadened my horizon - I was left in awe with the sheer vastness of the desert, the grit of people who manage the tough life in a place that hardly has any vegetation and water, the brilliance of flora and fauna adjusting to the extreme temperatures of the place.

And you just CANNOT miss the sunset and sunrise here... when the sun rays kiss the horizon of earth enveloping everything in a golden-orange glow, your contented soul calls out to the heavens upon witnessing the picturesque sight - Oh My God, why were I missing this beauty for so long?

I feel the need... the need for speed.

If I am giving an impression of a forlorn traveller looking for spiritual stuff and peace, then I would like to clarify that Jaisalmer has a complete recipe for adrenaline rush. The desert safari. Round and round the Thar desert, the jeep ride is a must-to-do if you visit Jaisalmer. Trust me, the fierce rush of wind on your face during the bumpy, sandy ride will leave you invigorated. It will give you a high that no ecstasy can ever manage. It was an ineffable feeling, it can only be felt and can never be described in words! You got to do it to know what it is! 

  notice how the speed blurred the picture? 

The Rajasthani Thali

My father had specifically asked me not to miss the Rajasthani Thali at any cost. And he was right! With 32 items (31 items listed in the menu plus chhaachh) on a single plate, it is a dish you ought to try.

Camel Safari

Camel Ride is another attraction that you simply can't miss when in Jaisalmer. Moving at a slow pace that suits you or a camel race, you can choose your own way to experience and enjoy the tranquillity of desert.
It was my first time on a camel and I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared all the time that I was going to fall flat on my face especially when the camel was rising and sitting down! I was reminded of my niece's words "camel bahot jhoola jaisa hota hai!" as I held on tightly to the harness. Nevertheless, it was one helluva amazing experience and I am going to cherish it till I die!

Tannot Maata Mandir & the Laungewala Border

Again, my dear father had added this in the checklist of 'things to do and places to visit in Jaisalmer'.
Historically, this place is famous because the Pakistanis tried to bomb the temple during the Indo-Pak war of 1965 but none of the bombs exploded in the vicinity. The place was also shown in my all time favourite movie - Border. The un-exploded bombs are still kept in the museum. The temple is now managed by the BSF.
The place gave me a queer mixture of feelings - faith plus patriotism plus pride.

Laungewala Border is yet another place one just cannot miss. They show you a short movie of 20mins that enlightens you about how our valiant soldiers saved our country from the invasion of the enemies.
The destroyed Pakistani tanks are still at display. Here, have a look - 

The Impromptu Visit to Ajmer Sharif

Ajmer Sharif is a place that needs no introduction. It is an epitome of faith. Forgive my naivety, I have little knowledge of Islam but I was left stupefied with wonder upon seeing thousands of people bowing down for the namaaz in unison. You understand why every movie star visits the dargah  before release of his/her movie once you visit the place - the power of faith is palpable, the air itself smells of sanctity and devotion.
Talking about taking a leap of faith; more than the place, it was the way I visited Ajmer that needs to be mentioned here. We were on our way back to Delhi after spending 4 wonderful days in Jaisalmer. 30mins to the station of Ajmer and suddenly everybody decided to get down at Ajmer. We packed our stuff and jumped off at the station just like that! Yes, it was rash but we, undoubtedly, found unexpected joy with this unplanned addition to our trip.


Some special observations -

1.  Rajasthan is a place full of talent. The people are so adept at dancing and the musical instruments that your eyes turn saucers and you can't help but dance to the melody of Rajasthani folk music. 
If there is any place the Government should invest in to promote cultural talent, it is Rajasthan. The Fire dance, The Kalbeliya Gypsy Dance, The Bhavayi Dance and the list is endless! 

2. You will meet the sarangi-players at every nook and cranny of the city. The magical sound leaves you mesmerised. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel sorry at the sordid state of the talented people playing so joyfully their melodious music for us. These people deserve a better life and a platform to showcase the talent that they have been bestowed with.


3. The food in the city is delectable. The various dishes leave you satiated and tript (I could find no better substitute for the feeling than this word!) Also, don't forget to taste the mirch-pakodas at the station shop in Pokhran.

4. The night sky is indescribably clear and beautiful. I sat for hours looking at the clear starry sky, with my bare feet in the cool sand. It was like heavens had opened the gates for me from above; a sheer bliss for a person like me who has an incurable homesickness for the stars. Every worry was wiped off my mind and I found the sangfroid and solace that I was pining for since the past so many months.



P.S.

I would like to thank my Sir for this wonderful trip. And would also like to apologise in case we caused too much trouble.

Special thanks to the people accompanying me who not only made this trip a cherishing experience but also taught me new things - teen patti :D
Shubhangi Kapoor needs special mention here for being the awesome person that she is and for bearing my nuisance so patiently.

Chal do na saath mere...

I reckon the title of my blog (ROFL) is soon going to go obsolete, the rate at which the seriousness in my blog is increasing. I am scared that I am losing my ability to find humour in everything !

Anyway, this blog is a consequence of  my mind's palaver that came up as I was helping my niece with her homework on 'Means of Transport'. And ironically, travelling is the only thing that helps me quieten the palaver of my head! This post talks about the same. How various means of commuting keep me from getting stranded, not just literally but metaphorically too.

• Walking
  walking has always been my greatest respite whenever I feel frustrated. It has perhaps got something to do with release of oxytocin into your body when you perspire; I feel fantastic after a 30-minutes walk. Moreover, it helps clear my thoughts and gives me a fresh perspective to see things from. My preferred style of a rejuvenating walk is leaving behind all my stuff esp phone at home making myself unreachable and walking alone, without any earphones inserted into my ears, enjoying the serenity of nature. Silence is the law of nature - trees grow in silence; the sun moves in silence. And that is how I unplug myself from the world - solitude, silence and solace. 

I grow silent. Dear soul, you speak.
~ Rumi

• Cycling
  When I learnt how to ride a cycle, I heard this profound philosophy -
  
  life is like riding a bicycle; to keep your balance, you must keep moving forward.
  Of course, I didn't understand it back then. All I enjoyed was the fierce rush of wind on my face as I rode at a breathtaking speed. While cycling, I always feel like the captain of my life - speed, direction, brakes, everything is under my control. And the secret power that I derive from the realisation that I actually AM the master of my life is enough to move mountains.

Walk out of any doorway
Feel your way, feel your way
Like the day before
maybe you'll find direction
around some corner
where it's been waiting to meet you.

• Car
  Being an amateur driver, I don't trust myself with cars. So I always ask my brother to take me for a late night long drive whenever I feel the need... the need for speed. The reckless 120kmph, no red lights, no traffic and the wide roads of Dwarka - recipe of adrenaline rush. Believe me, the thrill of speed helps overcome ANY kind of fear.

• Train
  The feel of Jab We Met !
  The best part about a train journey is how it helps you get over the past - when you sit at a window seat and look out at the picturesque scenery that is constantly being left behind as the train moves forward, you realise that life is pretty much like a train journey. You board a train, meet people along the way who have their own journeys to undertake, they will each accompany you a little before getting down at their respective destinations, you will leave so many stations and even more people behind in order to reach your ultimate destination. And the most baffling part is that once you reach there, you will realise that it is not the destination but the journey that matters and has made all the difference.
  And you never know that you might bump into your Aditya Kashayap while on a train ! :D

• Aeroplane
  A plane journey is a levitating experience, in every sense of the word. Although I find travelling on a plane quite boring, I cannot deny that it helps me rise above pettiness - as the air plane takes off, I find that I am leaving all my problems back on Earth and am rising above all the average things! It is a very abrupt feeling. I suddenly feel that my horizon has widened as much as the vast sky and every problem seems trivial, I feel powerful and capable to rise above everything and reach the sky, Trust me, the feeling is very liberating. If ever you feel bogged down by the burden of expectations or responsibilities or life in general, take a flight and fly away from everything for a while. It will unquestionably lift you up and your spirits!

• Cruise
  This is in bucket list. I am going to write about it once I tick this item off the list.
  I am pretty sure that there can be no better pleasure than sailing smoothly with the sound of sea accompanying you.

Life is about moving and constantly moving on. It is like a river- remember that stagnant water will always breed mosquitoes and become unhealthy and polluted. That is why my mantra for life is just let everything happen at its own pace and to never hang or cling onto anything; keep going with the flow. Keep walking.

Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon... bas rukna nahi chahta.
#yeh jawaani hai deewani

The Aftermath.

I have been meaning to write this blog ever since my exams ended (phew!) but I could not muster the strength. Taking the CA final exams is, frankly, a mind-fucking business. 
It was mentally so gruesome that it has been almost one month but I still get up in the middle of night imagining that I overslept and missed my exam!

I have no qualms about admitting that these exams have changed my very essence. I don't know how exactly to put it into words. It is like the person I was before exams (Pre - Surbhi) has been kidnapped by the person the mirror now shows me after exams (Post - Surbhi).
I think this is one of the tragedies of post-exams that after being bullied by an external force to continuously study, for so long, I am now suddenly facing a void that I don't know what to fill with. With the exams, I, at least had an excuse for ignoring everything else but, now, everything that I relegated to the back-burner for almost 2 years is staring back at me with a big question mark spread over its face. And what's worse, Pre - Surbhi had answers  for this but Post-Surbhi doesn't. I mean, ideally, this is the time I should be working upon building my skills - updating myself with GST, jazzing up my CV and most importantly, being fit again. But this blank, unmotivated mind is being more of an anchor, weighing me down, keeping me from my pursuits. The enigmatic part is that I don't know the why/how of this state of my mind; I am sitting on the edge of a precipice looking down at Pre- Surbhi drowning in the river below.




I am suddenly reminded of this pet dog in my nephew's neighbourhood. Its name is Buzo. It is the laziest dog I have ever seen. I have never seen it doing anything except eating or sleeping. It doesn't even care to bark at any passerby. This is how exhausted my mind is post-exams. I don't care to do ANYTHING. (Hey, wait. Did I just compare myself to a dog? See what I meant by my fatigued mind?)

I wrote this Hindi poem to do justice to the state of standstill that I find myself in. This is the first time I tried my hand at Hindi poetry. It was written sometime back but I still haven't been able to think of a title for it. (Also, ignore the typos which came up while converting it to devnaagri.)

कभी कभी खुद से मैं यूँ बतियाती हूँ
दिन भर की धूपछाँव , ज़िंदगी की दौड़ भाग से दूर
निशा के शांत पहर में खुद को मैं समझाती हू
पग पग चल, गिर कर संभल कर, 99 कोस चली मैं
इस आखरी पग पर फिर मैं क्यूँ घबराती हूँ
क्या हुई राह मुश्किल या है कम होती हिम्मत का ये कसूर
जो सामने खड़ी मंज़िल और अपने बीच एक अथाह समुंदर मैं पाती हूँ
सामने दिखता क्यूँ अंधेरा, क्यूँ डूबता हुआ सूरज
मुसीबत अर्चन के पहाड़ के आगे खुद को क्यूँ कमज़ोर मैं पाती हूँ
रात के ये सन्नाटे, ये गहराइयाँ, ये ख़ौफ़ के तिमिर निर्लज्ज
खुद मैं जानूं या खुदा मेरा जाने ऐसे में कैसे मैं अपने हृदय में हौंसले के दीप जलाती हूँ
रोज़ सपने में आती है नन्ही सुरभि और करती सवाल मुझसे एक ही वो
क्या तुम जहाँ हो वहाँ खुश हो?
और बदले मैं उससे प्रश्न एक मैं भी उठती हूँ
क्या मैं वो हूँ 20 साल बाद तुम बनना चाहती हो जो?
अपने नयनों में बड़ी हैरांनियाँ लिए वो कहती नही मैं तुम्हे नहीं पहचानती
पर मेरी आँखो में छाती उदासी देख है एकदम वो खामोशी से यूँ कहती
फिर भी ना जाने क्यूँ लगती तुम कोई अपनी, मैं तुमपे भरोसा करना चाहती हूँ
तो बेखौफ़ हो कर बढ़ो बस आगे, अब दूर नही मंज़िल पास है किनारा
भले तुम वो ना हो जिसका सपना मैने देखा
मगर हो उससे बेहतर, निडर और साहसी
मैं बड़े हो कर तुम्हारे जैसी ही बनना चाहती हूँ

Nevertheless, nothing, esp an exam, can keep me from my awesomeness for long, the Barney Stinson that I am.

I treated myself with a movie spree. I have been doing nothing but watching movies, striking them off one by one from my pending-movies list. From Dil Chahta Hai to Talvar, from The Dark Knight Rises to Fifty Shades of Grey, I left no genre untouched. I watched about 15 movies in two weeks, before resuming my office.

I also visited my aunt after almost 2 years. It was the train journey, the aimless evening walks and the reckless scooty- rides that finally pepped up my spirits and provided a much needed respite from the farrago of my mind.

P.S.

Apologies for the sheer non-sense that this post is.

It was difficult getting back to blogging after so many months! I shall try to write a better and a more meaningful post the next time.  

...in the eyes of the beholder.

I never imagined to find myself in a situation where my middle finger would be the best answer to everything. But that was before I signed up for CA.

I am sorry, I am back again to vent out my frustration at the preposterously difficult course that I chose to pursue. No wonder everybody calls us rondu... but I would love to see you swap places with a CA for once and then say it. 

I am reminded of a silly SMS that I read ages back when I had just set my foot into the world of CA and 20k free SMS plan had just hit the market which meant a flood of forwarded SMS everyday from everybody (you can't deny that life was good before WhatsApp plagued us!) I didn't really understand what was really funny in that SMS then but now I do. It was something like this -

A doctor, an engineer and a CA die together in a plane crash. Up there, they start fighting over who deserves to go to heaven. God asks them to reiterate their respective deeds to Him so that He could take the decision...

Doctor : Main ek doctor hun, Maine sari umar dusro ke dard dur karne mei laga di. Swarg ka haqdaar main hi hun.

Engineer : Main ek engineer hu. CSE. Maine apni zindagi softwares bnane mei laga di. Apke yaha bhi laga skta hu aur chitragupt ji ko rakhne ki zarurat nahi padegi apko.

God (looking impressed) : Wow... (turning towards the third man) Aur tum kaun ho ?

CA : Prabhu, main ek CA hun aur maine...

God : Bas, mere bhai, bas. Aur kuch mat bol. Sari zindagi tu narak mei roya hai, Subah se lekar shaam tak articleship mei mara hai. Kabhi classes to kabhi clients ke beech pissa hai. Ab rulayga kya? Swarg ka haqdaar tu hi hai, mere bhai, tu hi hai.


If you didn't find anything funny in that joke then let me tell you that it is okay and nothing wasn't really funny at all.

Have you ever observed that everything becomes a hundred times more interesting when you have exams coming up? Let me show you the world from the eyes of a person who has put on the 'Exam-goggles'. 

Though each one of has been there but everyone has a different fingerprint and perspective. MY perspective, I assure you, is completely ridiculous as I find stupidest of things funny for no reason at all. Let me illustrate : there is this topic in taxation 'Bonus Stripping'. I had laughed myself silly at the title! Forgive my obscenity, the section numbers make me think of lingerie and sizes - 32, 34D, 40A, 44B ! And we have some novel ones too - 35D, 43B. No wonder boys find tax so alluring!

Murphy's law is always in full swing during the exams -  When you have nothing to do, the weather is sultry hot and even the thought of stepping out gives you sunburns but when you have humoungous amount of course left, the Rain God opens the door of heavens for you and the weather becomes tantalizingly pleasant, daring you to choose between petrichor and penalties&prosecution. Answer me honestly, which idiot would leave the former for the latter? 
Even the TV people seem to hold some grudge against me : there is nothing but savdhan India/ CID (I hate them to the core) coming up when it is my break but the moment I sit to study, I hear my favourite melody - the music that is played when the WB banner is displayed before the HP movies. How can anyone study with that?!
All the novels seem to be sneering at me from my shelf testing my willpower as I weigh Inheritance of Loss against Profit&gains from Business and profession. I don't know how long the battle would continue and when would I succumb and pick up the novel.

To cap it all, all my friends (of course, Non - CA) are busy making travelling plans when I can't set my foot out of my house without being slashed by an axe placed by ICAI over my head. I am left at a loss of words when each of them voices  the same question that November is ages away then why can't I come. November is N.O.T. fucking ages away and I have so much course left that it won't finish even if I study for 16 hours a day for the remaining 4 months.
Then there is the fact that when I somehow sit to study, my appetite becomes 4times the normal. Late night study especially poses a problem now because how can I explain my famished stomach that Maggi has been banned? Nevertheless, from the old adjectives like giraffe and hanger, I have now moved on to words like jollux. The adipose tissue covering my body is making exercise anathema to me with each passing day. But in my defence,  I'd like to think of the accumulating fat as nourishment and constant supply of ATP for my brain so that I can remember all the assessment procedures.

As I sit to cram that assessment under section 143(3)/144 can be done till 2 years from end of relevant assessment year but assessment u/s 147 is to be completed within 1 year from the end of financial year (and not assessment year!) in which the notice u/s 148 was served, my intractable mind again wanders off... My inner self smugly mocks me and says may be one day you are going to get a phonecall : Namashkaar Surbhi Ji, main Amitabh Bachchan bol raha hoon Kaun Banega Crorepati se...mere samne yaha Manan Makkar baithe hain aur unhe apki sahayta ki zarurat hai Income Tax ke ek sawaal mein... may be that is where all this Income Tax is going to help me. And oh, of course, to pass the 'approaching-at-the -speed -of -light - and - I-have-gargantuan-amount-of- course- left' exams.
You could pray for me, you know. It is free and some good wishes wouldn't go amiss during a C.R.I.S.I.S. like this.



P.S. 
I tried to keep my frustration to bare minimum albeit the fact that it is so palpable. Thank goodness, there is no tax on the same or I would have been the highest taxpayer.