The Lightening Bolt Scar

Harry Potter's lightening bolt shaped scar has always caught my attention in the entire series. I have always wondered why represent a failed curse with a scar? Even Dumbledore refused to wipe it off stating scars come in handy!

The curiosity behind the metaphorical meaning of the scar has led to this blog post. Remember how everybody recognizes Harry Potter in the first book with his scar? How the scar arose Mrs. Weasley's maternal instincts stating the poor boy was all on his own entering the Wizarding World without anybody to help him out? It's because the scar is a souvenir of the pain he had undergone as a child and everybody knew of his childhood tragedy because the scar enunciates his story.

What if we had something similar in our lives? Before you judge me as insane, let me clarify my thought process.

Not every person is good with communicating what he/she is going through. For some, the grief or the pain itself is self-consuming while some people shut down because that's the only way they know how to survive. Some do not want to appear weak and some people have history of trust issues to deal with. In the whole process, the suffering sometimes takes toll on the person and yet people who might care about you really have no idea about what you are dealing with alone. No wonder, we are a generation grappling with depression and insomnia.

For long, I have believed that uttering things out would make me emotionally weak. So when I write that people find it difficult to communicate their pain, I speak out of experience. What if there was a way out?

For every pain that we undergo, a physical manifestation of the pain appears in form of a scar on our body. Had a breakup - a gash appears on your cheek. Your pet dies - a deep cut appears on your neck. Your best friend left you forever - a cross appears on your arm. A deep red wound appears right on your forehead for loss of a parent.

So when you walk through a mall, instead of noticing somebody for her fat nose you notice her deep red wound on the forehead and feel your empathy rising towards her when you touch your own forehead and notice a similar wound. In place of giving out idiotic and unwanted advice to a relative you met at a wedding, you'd give him a hug on noticing a deep cut around his neck and tell him that you know that it hurts but it will get better. When you see such cuts and scars on X's body while he works out in a gym, you feel the pain of troubled childhood emanating from him and his corpulence would be overlooked.

So my point is that the sound of scars on our bodies is ugly as long as we link it to looks and beauty. For example, we judge a lot of people even for their acne problem and I am campaigning here for having scars! Let me enumerate a few benefits of the theory -

1. Each one of us has some trauma or the other so each one is going to have a scar and so it would be as normal as having a mole. Having said that, if you can SEE somebody's pain written right on their faces, you are likely not to be judgmental on basis of their looks.

2. People are less likely to slip into depression and commit suicides because they would be spelling out their pain on their faces and help would always be available for them in form of people having similar scars.

3. It would lead to meaningful bonds between people if they share the stories behind their scars and experiences of coping up with the pain associated with it.

4. Two people might come closer and realise they have the remedies for each other's scars and it might wipe off their scars completely!

To be precise, दाग़ लगने  से कुछ  अच्छा  होता है, तो  दाग़ अच्छे हैं !

Just a little something to ponder upon to make us a better person, more lovable friend, more understanding partner and most importantly a more emphatic human being.

Expecto Patronum

Call it guilt, fear, anger or hatred. Essentially it means your thoughts and emotions are working against you.

                                                                    -Sadhguru


Some people are better at controlling their thoughts while some struggle to keep negativity at bay. With the onset of corona, a lot of people have come face to face with their mental health issues- something that is always swept under the carpet in India. How many of you have been mocked at by your friends for voicing out whenever you felt low with -
"Chill kar, tune zindagi mei stress lene ke alawa kuch kia hai ajtak?"  
or 
"Life ko enjoy kia kar, ye depression shpression kuch nahi hota" 
or 
"emotional fool mat ban, only weak people do that. Get up and face your battles."

And yet, we have increasingly high number of people suffering from mental ill-health and it goes unnoticed because of the shame and stigma associated with it.

Closer home, Deepika Padukone came out on her fight with depression at the pinnacle of her successful career. Imagine the kind of depression failure would inflict if success can lead to depression!
And now, we lost a fine actor in Sushant Singh Rajput allegedly to depression. 

It is a ridiculous but general belief that introverts and quiet people fall prey to depression easily. With my personal experience, I can tell you that surrounding yourself with wrong kind of people kills you mentally than being on your own. Before judging yourself as depressed, make sure you're not surrounded by idiots who, like parasites, suck out the emotional strength out of you. 
One of my 'good' friends rebuffed me with, "You seek sympathy" when I once tried to talk about how I was breaking down. This was years back and yet it stayed etched into my mind and it also led me to believe that there is no market for your honest thoughts and feelings. That was the end of me seeking support from people around me because my mind translates it to sympathy to this day! So such experiences in the past often tend to create stereotypes in our minds. Everybody in the media is saying that Sushant should have talked out, reached out to people. Who knows he might have tried to reach out? But unfortunately to the wrong ones, the 'you seek sympathy' kind who sucked out his last bit of will power and the poor soul snapped?

1. We MUST understand that acceptance is the foremost requirement in any issue. If somebody reaches out to you or shows symptoms of withdrawal or any erratic behaviour whatsoever, it's of utmost importance to recognise and accept that it EXISTS and understand that it is not like usual mood swings we face on a daily basis but something that is dying inside bit by bit. 

2. Do NOT attempt stupidity by suggesting the person to simply ignore it or try to keep oneself distracted or the worst of all, blaming him/her for being weak. I mean, if you have toothache, do you suggest the patient to ignore it or distract himself from pain by partying or the most ludicrous - be brave and keep on fighting with the pain? NO! the tooth has to be treated and with the right hands. Why can't people understand this with emotional pain? Emotional pain runs way deeper than the roots of teeth.

3. Sometimes it's the toxic environment around you that takes toll on your mind. It might be family or office or the people you hang out with. While you can always change your office or people around you, family is not something you can change using a magic wand. As adults, we seek in our relationships what we lacked in our childhood. So a troubled childhood often leads to dysfunctional adults. In such cases, one can only pray that these dysfunctional adults do not carry on the legacy and further create toxic environment for their own children!

4. You may protect yourself from physical ailments like corona with a 20 second handwash but protecting your mental as well as emotional health is a different matter in itself. It is a delicate matter, a dangerous weapon if in wrong hands... an invisible boundary you may unknowingly cross and find yourself groping for a way out...CHOOSE wisely who you reach out to. It will make all the difference in the world. Do not be scared of cutting ties with people who make you feel like trash. If your boat is sinking, throw away the extra baggage without a second thought.

5. Mother Teresa said this on apathy once that the greatest disease today is being unwanted, unloved and uncared for. Physical diseases may be cured with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is Love. 
As the famous song goes by - if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own!

This post is for Sushant Singh Rajput who stirred something within my heart and soul with his honest work. I would conclude by a dialogue from his movie - 

Hum haar jeet, success failure mei itna ulajh gaye hain, ki zindagi jeena bhool gaye hain. Zindagi mei agar kuch sabse zyada important hai toh wo hai khud zindagi.

RIP Sushant. 

P.S. Those who did not understand the caption, it's a spell in Harry Potter which conjures up a tangible positive-energy shield and protects you from the Dementors (happiness-sucking fiends). Literally, it translates to 'I wait for the Guradian'

Life in the time of Corona

Corona has taken over the world. Even Prince Charles has contracted corona. Is anybody safe during these times?

I don't need to mention how bad the situation is, the media is already covering all of it. I am here to talk about how life has changed with this pandemic. Although coming from a person who already liked being under quarantine, this isn't going to sound much... I mean, I already hated going out of house or meeting people.

Since we are under 21days of lockdown, let me enlist 21 ways in which life is different in the time of corona. Of course, all of this is my personal opinion and written in good humour so you need not agree with any of it. These are listed in order of gravity of the matter i.e. from less serious to more -

1. I have learnt all the household chores in absence of any domestic help. I have become a total marriageable material :P So any secret admirers, now is the time to make your move because everything is fair in love and war and this is REAL war.

2. I have watched so much Netflix/Prime that I find it boring now. I even watched this long promised movie to one of my forever- favourite persons - Kesari ! I am now planning to watch B.R. Chopra's Mahabharat.

3. India has watched so much Netflix during lockdown, the data companies have had to reduce their speed from 40mpbs to 8mpbs. Of course, this was bound to happen with Pornhub premium going free! :P But seriously, if this is what makes people sit at home then be it!

4. I have finished reading 2 novels. And I am not talking about re-reading Harry Potter here!

5. Life is better as people are all locked inside so they can't visit me or complain that I don't visit them. :D

6. Make-up handicapped people like me have all the time in the world to learn basic make-up. I have learnt to apply eye liner now. Although I blotch up the left eye a bit but I still have 20 days left to fine-tune it. But secret admirers from point#1, don't expect me to be all dolled up on a daily basis even if I perfect it because laziness is something that I cannot take out of my DNA.

7. With no salon and beauty services available, no female is in any case going to set out of house. So as long as the salons are shut , the government need not worry about girls breaking the curfew. I am pretty sure, the moment lockdown is lifted, the salons are going to see a mad rush.

8. No office and no infuriating, sickening people from work to be seen and smiled at every morning! Apart from the fact that I am foregoing my salary, I like this the best of all things that this lockdown has brought.

9. Oh, I forgot the most obvious one! I am writing this blog post because I am feeling sane, now that I don't have the stress related to the point mentioned above! And I am sure, anybody who reads this blog would do so because they don't have anything else to do. :P

10. I had read somewhere years back that one takes 21 days to build a new habit. So I thought why not utilise this lockdown period for some value addition - learning a new language on Duolingo or may be study a bit for personal growth. Till now, nada progress so far in this department. And I have a strong feeling that this number is not going to increase. It would take more than Corona to do away with my habit of procrastination, I suppose.

11. I think it is heartening to see India fighting this pandemic with unity. The gratitude applause at 5pm on 22 March 2020 is something that is going to resonate within me for a long time. I was under the impression that only cricket world cup could unite Indians but I can proudly say that we can stand together when it comes to matters of national importance.

12. And yet, there are some of the 'cool dudes' who are venturing out for no reason. I am amazed at the innovative punishments that the authorities have come up with -

13. Then there are some REAL cool dudes. Corona has somehow helped ensure the gender equation. Men are spotted doing the dishes and cleaning the house. Here's a picture that cricketer Shikhar Dhawan shared of himself - 

Of course, there are countless other men helping their wives/mothers in all ways possible. Celebrities have been sharing their pictures as they do their own work. Katrina Kaif is getting popular doing household chores. 

14. The GoI has been announcing repeatedly that it is constantly working to ensure continuous supply of essential services and requesting people not to hoard things. But people don't want to pay heed and have been seen buying 100kgs of rice and wheat. And then there are people like daily wage earners who don't have any money to feed their children for the day. People, please listen to the authorities because they are working round the clock to ensure the basic necessities are available to all. 

15. This is the time we appreciate those who are out there risking their lives for us, by simply staying at home. How difficult is it to sit with your family and eat/sleep/watch television?

16. There are a few of my friends/acquaintances who are stuck away from their families. I wonder what it would feel like in time of crisis like this. Some theories propagate that China did this deliberately to break the bone of world economy and be a superpower. Well, if it is true then they are cruel and cold-hearted like Lord Voldemort for tearing apart so many families. I mean, people are dying. Is money/power/fame more important than life?

17. The GoI has had to announce relief packages for poorest of the poor. Both monetary and food. This extra expenditure is surely going to set back our economy but unlike China, we believe in value of life. I am positive we can all recover and bounce back with greater zeal ti build a better world.

18. Life has slowed down as we have stopped running behind material things and have come to realise that in the end all that matters is family. We have come to bare basics and realised that it is possible to live without luxuries. Office and work are not everything. Neither is money. We have been given a chance to appreciate this gift of life.

19. When was the last time you sat down with your whole family for a meal before this lockdown? I don't know but Corona reminds me of the Surf Excel tagline - agar daag lagne se kuch acha hota hai toh daag ache hain. I don't mean to say that Corona is good! What I mean is that now that this pandemic has hit, may be we can take something good out of it - placing people over things, love and friendship over PPTs and money, family over boss, health over work.

20. With human intervention withdrawn, nature is thriving. It appears that the Earth is recuperating as Corona hits the reset button - pollution levels have gone down, dolphins and swans have returned, water is clearer and the skies are bluest of the blue.

21. I think we were crossing the mark and the planet is retaliating in its own way. We were making life difficult for all other species and were flouting the planet's rule of coexistence. Perhaps this is Universe speaking to us to mend our ways if we don't want to be wiped off from the surface of Earth. When all of this gets over, I hope we start afresh and no more mess with the ways of nature.

How has your life changed in the time of Corona?

शादी कब करोगे ?

Disclaimer : There is no intention to hurt any community or religion or person with this post. All characters and names are fictional and any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

A respectable HIGH STATUS industrialist family of Mumbai seeks alliance for their smart, good looking, EXTREMELY beautiful, charming, cultured daughter. Looking for a professionally qualified boy hailing from high status, well established, CULTURED business family.

That's an advertisement from a matrimony page of a famous newspaper. Shadi (Somehow, marriage doesn't give the same emotions as Shadi!) season is back and so is my frustration. This is my third blog on shadi and somehow my frustration has increased manifold with each post! 

I don't have any problem with the concept of shadi per se but it is the big hullabaloo created by our society around this 'sacred union of two souls' that leaves me exasperated. If one could have simply a sign-and-done kind of marriage instead of having elaborate functions with dress codes, I wouldn't mind it much!

The shadi industry is one of the few industries which is immune to recession; petty issues like global economic slowdown can't mar the spirits of your relatives who want absolutely nothing than to see you in a marital bliss. How your marriage affects your mamiji's brother's neighbour's grandparents is a mystery to me but they will still suggest your parents to marry you off because THEY consider it right! And once you decide to get married, it's just the blur of functions that you are going to have to count using a calculator. And I don't know if it's just a Punjabi family thing but the grander the arrangements, the better your image in your society. This again leaves me completely nonplussed because shelling out 25lacs on a single night is moronic!  The YOLO (you only live once) trend further propagated by SRK in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that shadi ek bar hoti hai has made Indian weddings from grand to outrageously grand -

1. Ostentatious

One of my friends broke open her bank balance for her wedding lehnga. It was undoubtedly beautiful but is there any point in shelling out lakhs for something that is only one-time wear? If only she had spent more time talking and knowing her beau than she spent on that lehnga, she might not have to file for a divorce months later!

2. Destination wedding

This new trend has been picking up with Indian couples quite a lot. My FB was flooded with a cruise wedding the other day while another one showed a wedding in Thailand. From simply taking vows in a temple to destination weddings, Indians have definitely notched up their choices! All this show off and no patience for each other, why have such a hollow marriage?

3. Pre-wedding shoots

I don't know who invented this innovative concept but it's been exploited by the photography industry like never before! The other day, one of my colleagues showed me what she called was her announcement picture. I got confused and asked if it was her version of pre-wedding! She told me that a decade back, people used to go to the photo studio and got clicked their pictures in specific poses to announce their wedding! From those tiny studios, the wedding shoots have moved on to exotic locations like Italy and Dubai. I do hope that pre-marriage communication also gets just as popular so that we are able to nurture caring and meaningful relationships!

4. Series of Functions

People surely spend their entire savings on weddings! From Roka to Shadi, the bride and the groom have to endure at least a hundred ceremonies, each more extravagant than the other! Add to it, the Indian brand drama of relatives - hame kisi ne pucha nahi, hame nahi bulaya th toh hum kyu bulayein unhe; the functions become a total nightmare! And God save you, if you somehow are unable to attend the wedding, people will treat you with a contempt so bad that no apology will erase their prejudice against you! the only people who really enjoy a wedding are friends and cousins who dance their hearts out!

I might come across as a melodramatic wedding critic but believe me I am not as cruel as it appears to be. I am just a little limited with people I share my important personal events with. So all this extravaganza associated with wedding makes me both nauseous and scared, confused and flabbergasted at the way people just drown all their savings for a single event.  I am in no manner against people holding a lavish wedding or suggesting in any way that grand weddings are in any way associated with marriage not being a success; I simply believe that the day is important to YOU so you alone have the right to decide how you want to make it happen. Some prefer the pomp and show while I am one of those who would prefer a silent court marriage and a month long travel around the world to celebrate it. To each, his/her own! 

If only, I could hold a swayamvar and put these conditions for the probable suitors - 

1. Must be a great travel freak.

2. Knowledge and love for Harry Potter is a prerequisite.

3. Must be willing for a silent, no non-sense marriage and spend all that money saved from extravagant affairs of shadi on point#1.

4.Handle the relatives and their taunts for committing the so-called social crime enlisted in point#3

5. Say 'Surbhi is the best' 10 times a day, with or without any reason. 😁

So, anyone for a date? 😆

On the other side of 25.

They say age is just a number... a matter of mind... if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. But in our country and society, age serves as standards against which your wisdom and important life- decisions are measured. 25 is a difficult number - You are done with your college and have a job, you are legally allowed to drink; it is an age where you are assumed to have acquired maturity but are not experienced enough to take life-altering decisions.

Here is how your life changes once you are on the other side of 25 -

1. Settle ho jao,beta.

Notwithstanding the fact that you might have an emotional range of a teaspoon, maturity level of a 2.5 years old, but if you are on the other side of 25, you got to answer your relatives on why you are not thinking to settle down yet. You are constantly suggested proposals, your family suddenly wants to be your 'friend' and wants you to share everything with them; the mere fact that you are on the other side of 25 is reason enough for you to settle down in life because you have no better thing to do! Even as I type this, there is somebody sitting in our drawing room giving out an invitation for wedding, mentioning the myriad of functions they are hosting (read shelling out lakhs). I don't have a problem with people getting married but I have issues when they force that decision on others - arre bhai, tumko karni hai karo, hame kyu bol rahe ho... hame jab karni hogi hum khud dekh lenge! Go, mind your own business!

2. The dreaded 'First Gray Hair'

You can have oodles of protein in your diet but the stress and pollution will wreck havoc and your body will start showing first sign of degeneration in the form of gray hair! I used to be obnoxiously proud of my thick, lustrous hair but once I saw that strand of gray, I panicked and started all sorts of remedies. FYI, nothing has helped. I guess, we just have to accept it.

3. Facebook

There is a wedding-wave going on FB, I open my account and a friend gets married. Another problem with FB these days is the older generation getting suddenly tech-savvy and hyper-active on social media. Of course, we are all free to do whatever we want in our country but adding your Aunts and Uncles is not a good idea in a country like India because your Facebook accounts are scourged to look for potential marriageable materials in your profile - somehow the comments from a certain XYZ are enough for your family to conclude that something might be brewing. You have to change your privacy settings because your friends tag you in posts that might be considered objectionable by Sharma Aunty from your neighbourhood who doesn't battle an eyelid before shouting it out in front of your parents!

4. Sunday, tum kab aaoge?

I crave for weekends like lovers pine for each other.  Sunday is to me as a donut is to a to-be-bride on her diet, a curvy colleague is to a married guy, 40 marks are to a CA student - Bhagwaan! ye dila do bas. After enduring office and its stress in form of politics and deadlines, Sunday is the sacred place we all sincerely pray for. I don't know how can some people move their asses out of bed to malls; For me, Sunday means sleeping and binge-watching. Well, to each, his/her own but the bottom line is that this day is the brightest day of the week and I am not saying this because it is named after the brightest star!

A few things that never change, no matter which side of 25 you're on -

a) Acne !

Oily skin combined with tendency to get high levels of stress without realising results in this irksome forever-buddy called acne! From as long as I can remember, I have had serious acne issues. I envy people who have clean and clear skin in their genes.... I mean with negligible effort, they achieve that flawless skin while I battle a zit each week.

b) Harry Potter

Everything in life might be going awry, but this faithful ally has stood by me... giving me hope, nourishing my soul with the warmth of its essence - love and friendship, breathing in me the belief that things set out right in the end if you are brave enough to face the adversities and that "help will always be given to those who ask for it!"
If anything has touched my soul to the core, it's this wonderful story. <3
Some people often term it as fandom, addiction or kiddish behaviour but this story is a part of who I am.

c) Letting Go

I have realised that each passing day is an act of letting go... at the end of the day, only when I let go of the events of the day, I am able to shut down my brain and sleep. As a kid, letting go meant losing a toy or a game. It was easy and didn't bother me much as the next day meant a new toy or a game. As an adult, letting go has taken an altogether different perspective. You got to let go of people, sometimes your dreams and your emotions.The hardest is to say goodbye to people you treasured the most due to various uncontrollable factors like death, distance or apathy. It is not some summer vacation kind of goodbye - when your school reopens, you get to meet the same people again. This one is permanent and can't be undone. 

The constant thing about the art of letting go is that twinge of pain you feel in your heart and the fact that it teaches you to be on your own since nothing here is permanent. 

d) Best friends - insulting you was/is/will forever be their birthright.

Sometimes, when Earth runs out on good things, God sends out little angels (read devils) in form of your best friends. And I want to thank Him for bombing down my favourite people who have been my constant support, no matter how much I screw up or am rude to them or take my frustration out on them or not talk to them for days. I want you all to know that you matter A LOT and I just can't do without you all. Thanks for being there (even if it was for making fun of me most of the time!!) and I appreciate your presence the most even if I don't ever say it!



Often the cause of stress with ageing is not being able to be the version you had thought you'd be by that age and your peers achieving better than you. But life isn't about who reaches the finishing line first because finishing line in this case means The End... on the contrary, it is about the journey... what comes out of this wonderful journey is what stays with you till the end. So, with another year coming to closure, I think it is the best time to bury the stress and begin the ensuing year with a new vigour and promise to self to just be with the flow and let the Lord decide what's the best course of action and more importantly, the right time for that course!
Cheers!

Rehne do chhodo bhi jaane do yaar; hum na karenge pyaar :D

Disclaimer : 

a) This post is full of gallows humour. Narrow- minded people who take everything very personally may please refrain from reading this post... for I have no intention of offending anybody in any manner. I am only responsible for what I say and not for what you understand and perceive. 

b) Since the topic is very sensitive and heart-achingly (quite literally!) familiar to all, I would like to say beforehand that this post has very personal opinions as to why I am so averse to everything related to love and I, by no means, intend to preach anybody anything. 

c) The pictures have been inserted hither and thither just to jazz up the humour content of the post.

Apart from tax, there is this one enigma that I absolutely fail to understand - LOVE !

Ever since I gained sense, I have always considered love to be the very essence of our lives. They say that we learn to love even before we are born - as a fetus in the womb, we fall in love with our nurturer. As a kid, we fall in love with the caring eyes, the affectionate faces and the tender hands of our parents. But as we grow up, we tend to distort this beautiful feeling all together! I mean, see, isn't love supposed to be something that lights up your eyes like a blind man seeing sunshine for the first time? Instead, what I have always seen in my friends' eyes are tears! Isn't love supposed to be your sanctuary when your mind searches for solace and peace? But on the contrary, what I find is chaos and stress everywhere I look!

Of course my brother's suspicions could be true that I belong to Pluto, and not Earth, with my own stupid ideologies and beliefs about everything... but I would rather stand by my gobbledygook that to love means to slowly break down a person's walls without him/her noticing and then rebuilding them with windows to let the sunshine in, than accept what my eyes show me all around - darkness and depression because of love. So it's either me or there is something grossly wrong with the way people interpret love.

Before you declare me to be an alien from Pluto, I would like to first substantiate my basis of enunciating the above statements with the instances of love I have seen in 24 years of my existence in this universe -

1. The Fri-end Love

This is the love that begins on Monday and ends by Friday. The weekend is for recuperating with loads of booze/ ice cream. The next week, of course, brings a new story. Each Monday is an inception and each Friday is a breakup.

I remember wasting my chocolates for cheering up one such friend. I saw her crying her eyes out over her recent breakup (it was Friday) and offered her chocolates out of humanity. She had them all. She was seen with a new guy on Monday.

Lesson learnt : Never waste your chocolates on anybody. EVER. Eat them all by yourself.

2. The K K K Kiran Love

The obsessive love. While it evokes outrageous amount of passion in one party, for the other it is absolutely nightmarish! Kindly remember that there is always a Sunny Deol with his dhaai kilo ka haath, protecting his Kiran and that SRK dies in the end, before venturing into obsessive kind of love.

Query : What is the point of such an infatuation? You can never force anybody to love you, can you? Unless you can brew a love potion. But even in that case, you risk creating Lord Voldemort.

3. The Ex Parte Love

The one-sided-love. Another category of troublesome love, one sided love often enkindles unrealistic expectations in the party in question. The other party, usually uninterested, is caught unawares by surprise gifts and flowers and messages dedicated to them.

The consequences of this kind of love range from pitiful friend-zoning to dangerous 'wo meri nahi hogi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hogi' psyche resulting in blackmails, acid attacks or kidnapping or sometimes gruesome murders.

Query : Again, you cannot chain anybody and make them love you... what then is the point of expending all your energy at a place where one gets no reciprocation? Personally, I believe that what's yours comes to you no matter what and what is not meant to be yours is not going to stay with you no matter what! doesn't that make running after a person, who doesn't give a damn to your existence, totally futile?

4. The 'It happens only in India' Love

This has 2 dimensions -

a) Religion

Interfaith love has no unconditional acceptance in India. Period. I have read countless cases in the newspaper and have seen numerous movies on the same theme. Either or both the parties are shunned by their families for sake of religion. What I have always failed to understand is that every religion propagates love and in no religion does God ever utter a single syllable about killing one another in the name of religion... who, then, are human beings to kill His creations in the name of religion? This issue is so deep rooted and misunderstood and sensitive that I am afraid of deviating from the theme of this post if I delve further into this!

b) Caste

Another mystery I have never been able to decode. My own friends have been a victim of this and I don't even have the heart to touch upon the pain and misery it brings.

Query: Seriously, just one question - would you want your daughter/sister to be with a Hindu guy who indulges in domestic violence or a Muslim guy who keeps her happy? How does being with someone of the same caste guarantee happiness in any way?

5. The I-don't-walk-my-talk Love

People who promise the moon and the stars on paper and in face of even a slight adversity, jilt you in the middle of a landfill that leaves you stinking for a lifetime!

Lesson learnt : This, honestly, appears to be the worst form of relationship to me. It would leave you scarred not just as a lover but as a human being in general as it shakes one's faith in humanity.

6. The Gay Love

This is just to raise the humour quotient in this post :P

Imagine walking down the lanes of your campus with your male buddy expecting a 'I like you' at the very least. Instead, what you hear him saying is "I am gay and I like your brother"! :D

N.B : No offence intended.

7. The Infidelity-Apology-Pendulum Love

This is the most common love in DU ! I had tons of friends who had steady girlfriends somewhere and they would leave no chance of a fling with random girls they happen to meet anywhere!

Now, there can be two possibilities -

a) The steady girlfriend remains in dark about the flings.

b) The steady girlfriend somehow finds out about the flings and breaks up.

Possibility 'a' is a far-fetched theoretical situation because girls have uncanny abilities to find out everything. So ultimately, we arrive at possibility 'b' and now begins the circle of breakup followed by constant apologies and requests for patch-up. The steady girlfriend usually agrees out of past feelings. Things get better. The guy gets complacent and succumbs to temptation of flings again. Hence the nomenclature 'Pendulum'. Please note that girls too fall in the trap of flings and by no means, do I wish to imply here that this category is for boys alone.

Query : Why does the need for flings arise when you already are in love with somebody? I mean, logically, there can be only one inference of flings that you are not happy with the one you are with! So why the fake drama of commitment? It is like person has two separate needs of love and lust. For love, there is one steady relationship and for lust, there are numerous flings!

8. The No means Yes Love

It may be a subset of category#2 or #3. It is the kind of love in which one party constantly declines the offer in every possible manner but the other party is adamant in a very filmy way and has a topsy-turvy lexicon which says no means yes. I, personally, find this category, which is generally seen among boys, to be funny in an absolutely pathetic way. Why? Because I have seen my friends literally kowtowing to the person, who isn't remotely interested in them. 

My advice : Buy a new dictionary from here.

9. The 'Use Me as a Doormat' love

I will try to illustrate this in a very practical way. Did you have that geeky topper friend in college who was suddenly seen teaching/helping in practical files/completing assignments of the hottest girl in the class during the exam season? Well, I am going to let the cat out of the bag (sorry, girls!) - I have heard my female friends talking in the girls' room about how the geek was infatuated with them and would readily do anything just to talk to them. So they brutally ignore him the whole year... during the exam season, a little flirtatious smile does the trick and voila, they have all the notes and assignments and important questions lent to them by the geek. I feel sorry for the poor geek who, despite being the brightest and smartest in the class, gets fooled again and again, under the impression that those smiles genuinely mean something.

Query  : I am confused between the essential character of this category of love - is it the geeks's foolishness or the self-centeredness of the girl? 

 

(Geeks would understand this Rubik's Cube meme:P)

10. The 'Father of the Nation' Love
Well, the only place I like Mahatma Gandhi is on a currency note so when I say Father of the Nation, I mean money. 
This category of love is based purely on pecuniary interests. It is generally dominated by girls. Haven't you had any friend whose girlfriend left him for a richer guy? Or who was abandoned because he didn't gift her a brand new Iphone for her birthday? 
Query : I am a little confused. They do have a point though. I mean, people who claim love is more important than money... do they pay their bills with a hug?! But still, I personally feel that money can buy you a dog but you need love to make it wag its tail at you. 

11. The  Transitive Love
Remember that boring chapter in Maths - sets and relations? So, there was this category of relations called transitive relations. Simply put, if a>b, b>c then a>c. While this might hold true in the world of mathematics, it is impossible to be transitive in real life relations without involving a lot of pain for more than one person! A loves B, B loves C, C loves D and D loves A. Imagine the kind of pain and longing each of these four persons suffer when they see that the one they love doesn't love them back.   
This category of relationship has inspired a lot of Bollywood movies like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Dil toh Pagal hai etc but most of them end up being a love triangle and eventually the hero gets to be with his happily-ever-after. Sadly, life is not a movie!
My Advice : Never fall in love with a person who loves somebody else already. EVER.

12. The 'My parents want to marry you' Love
Well, this is India-specific relationship. The boy (or girl) stays in a relationship for a number of years and then suddenly his (her) mother rejects her (or him) for some silly reason like complexion\ height\job\amount of adipose tissue\shape of nose\too crazy about harry potter etc and the boy breaks up even before one can utter WTF! 
This category reminds me of Chetan Bhagat's 2 States... the boy loves the girl...the girl loves the boy...  the girl's family has to love the boy... the boy's family has to love the girl... boy's family has to love the girl's family...the girl's family has to love the boy's family... and in the process, if there is still any love left between the boy and the girl, they get married !

Query : seriously, does your mother have to live with him\her for a lifetime or you? Your parents already have each other and now it is not their but your life partner that you have to choose for heaven's sake!
(Also, in my personal opinion, If you find someone who is just as crazy about Harry Potter as you are, marry him\her without further ado ! :D )


13. The Dominating Love

Easy, fans of Fifty Shades (there are fans of this book?! Whoa.), I mean dominating in the normal way! The category where the person with deeper, more intense feelings is dominated by the other one who is aware of the fact that he/she has an upper hand because of vulnerability of the partner so he/she constantly hangs this axe of  'I am breaking up with you' on his/her partner and always has his/her way by emotional blackmail!

Query : I don't know if this 'coercion' even qualifies as love...I mean, this self- righteousness, is this even love? How long can anybody sustain such an emotionally draining relationship? And Why?

Of course, I understand that this is entirely an abstract concept and is subject to personal opinions... because you cannot control anybody's free will, that's the thumb rule when it comes to human psyche. And then there is another factor of looks! People are often deceived by looks... Cupid, they say, is blind! and by the time they realise that they bought silver misconstruing it to be platinum, they are already in the middle of relationship and getting out of it is a painful business for both the parties.

In the end, I am left as baffled by this mystery of what/how/why/where of love as I was before writing this post and wholeheartedly support all my friends' prophecies about how I am going to die single because my mathematics says alone > wrong.

But I can safely infer that love is congruous to CA Final -

• There is a lot of input involved. When I say a lot, I mean to say backbreaking, extremely arduous, involving sleep deprivation and nervous breakdown,  totally frustrating, mentally draining kind of effort. (Love totally requires painstaking effort)

• Your effort won't guarantee that you'd understand what the situation demands. (Who can understand why boys go nuts over shapes and sizes? And honestly, has anyone of you ever understood how a girl's mind works?)

• There is always a possibility of all your input going waste because of some amendment. (boyfriend, girlfriend and Wo! you can never know when a third person enters and ruins everything that you have created so far.)

• You might put as much input as you are capable of and still the output remains as uncertain and elusive as the identity of batman is for the people of Gotham City. (Are we ever sure of matters of the heart?)

Anybody who has answers to my queries may please comment in the comment-section!

Yours sincerely

Agony Aunt :P