Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts

Sunday, 4 July 2021

The Lightening Bolt Scar


Harry Potter's lightening bolt shaped scar has always caught my attention in the entire series. I have always wondered why represent a failed curse with a scar? Even Dumbledore refused to wipe it off stating scars come in handy!

The curiosity behind the metaphorical meaning of the scar has led to this blog post. Remember how everybody recognizes Harry Potter in the first book with his scar? How the scar arose Mrs. Weasley's maternal instincts stating the poor boy was all on his own entering the Wizarding World without anybody to help him out? It's because the scar is a souvenir of the pain he had undergone as a child and everybody knew of his childhood tragedy because the scar enunciates his story.

What if we had something similar in our lives? Before you judge me as insane, let me clarify my thought process.

Not every person is good with communicating what he/she is going through. For some, the grief or the pain itself is self-consuming while some people shut down because that's the only way they know how to survive. Some do not want to appear weak and some people have history of trust issues to deal with. In the whole process, the suffering sometimes takes toll on the person and yet people who might care about you really have no idea about what you are dealing with alone. No wonder, we are a generation grappling with depression and insomnia.

For long, I have believed that uttering things out would make me emotionally weak. So when I write that people find it difficult to communicate their pain, I speak out of experience. What if there was a way out?

For every pain that we undergo, a physical manifestation of the pain appears in form of a scar on our body. Had a breakup - a gash appears on your cheek. Your pet dies - a deep cut appears on your neck. Your best friend left you forever - a cross appears on your arm. A deep red wound appears right on your forehead for loss of a parent.

So when you walk through a mall, instead of noticing somebody for her fat nose you notice her deep red wound on the forehead and feel your empathy rising towards her when you touch your own forehead and notice a similar wound. In place of giving out idiotic and unwanted advice to a relative you met at a wedding, you'd give him a hug on noticing a deep cut around his neck and tell him that you know that it hurts but it will get better. When you see such cuts and scars on X's body while he works out in a gym, you feel the pain of troubled childhood emanating from him and his corpulence would be overlooked.

So my point is that the sound of scars on our bodies is ugly as long as we link it to looks and beauty. For example, we judge a lot of people even for their acne problem and I am campaigning here for having scars! Let me enumerate a few benefits of the theory -

1. Each one of us has some trauma or the other so each one is going to have a scar and so it would be as normal as having a mole. Having said that, if you can SEE somebody's pain written right on their faces, you are likely not to be judgmental on basis of their looks.

2. People are less likely to slip into depression and commit suicides because they would be spelling out their pain on their faces and help would always be available for them in form of people having similar scars.

3. It would lead to meaningful bonds between people if they share the stories behind their scars and experiences of coping up with the pain associated with it.

4. Two people might come closer and realise they have the remedies for each other's scars and it might wipe off their scars completely!


To be precise, दाग़ लगने  से कुछ  अच्छा  होता है, तो  दाग़ अच्छे हैं !

Just a little something to ponder upon to make us a better person, more lovable friend, more understanding partner and most importantly a more emphatic human being.



Sunday, 21 June 2020

Expecto Patronum


Call it guilt, fear, anger or hatred. Essentially it means your thoughts and emotions are working against you.
                                                                    -Sadhguru


Some people are better at controlling their thoughts while some struggle to keep negativity at bay. With the onset of corona, a lot of people have come face to face with their mental health issues- something that is always swept under the carpet in India. How many of you have been mocked at by your friends for voicing out whenever you felt low with -
"Chill kar, tune zindagi mei stress lene ke alawa kuch kia hai ajtak?"  
or 
"Life ko enjoy kia kar, ye depression shpression kuch nahi hota" 
or 
"emotional fool mat ban, only weak people do that. Get up and face your battles."

And yet, we have increasingly high number of people suffering from mental ill-health and it goes unnoticed because of the shame and stigma associated with it.

Closer home, Deepika Padukone came out on her fight with depression at the pinnacle of her successful career. Imagine the kind of depression failure would inflict if success can lead to depression!
And now, we lost a fine actor in Sushant Singh Rajput allegedly to depression. 

It is a ridiculous but general belief that introverts and quiet people fall prey to depression easily. With my personal experience, I can tell you that surrounding yourself with wrong kind of people kills you mentally than being on your own. Before judging yourself as depressed, make sure you're not surrounded by idiots who, like parasites, suck out the emotional strength out of you. 
One of my 'good' friends rebuffed me with, "You seek sympathy" when I once tried to talk about how I was breaking down. This was years back and yet it stayed etched into my mind and it also led me to believe that there is no market for your honest thoughts and feelings. That was the end of me seeking support from people around me because my mind translates it to sympathy to this day! So such experiences in the past often tend to create stereotypes in our minds. Everybody in the media is saying that Sushant should have talked out, reached out to people. Who knows he might have tried to reach out? But unfortunately to the wrong ones, the 'you seek sympathy' kind who sucked out his last bit of will power and the poor soul snapped?




1. We MUST understand that acceptance is the foremost requirement in any issue. If somebody reaches out to you or shows symptoms of withdrawal or any erratic behaviour whatsoever, it's of utmost importance to recognise and accept that it EXISTS and understand that it is not like usual mood swings we face on a daily basis but something that is dying inside bit by bit. 

2. Do NOT attempt stupidity by suggesting the person to simply ignore it or try to keep oneself distracted or the worst of all, blaming him/her for being weak. I mean, if you have toothache, do you suggest the patient to ignore it or distract himself from pain by partying or the most ludicrous - be brave and keep on fighting with the pain? NO! the tooth has to be treated and with the right hands. Why can't people understand this with emotional pain? Emotional pain runs way deeper than the roots of teeth.

3. Sometimes it's the toxic environment around you that takes toll on your mind. It might be family or office or the people you hang out with. While you can always change your office or people around you, family is not something you can change using a magic wand. As adults, we seek in our relationships what we lacked in our childhood. So a troubled childhood often leads to dysfunctional adults. In such cases, one can only pray that these dysfunctional adults do not carry on the legacy and further create toxic environment for their own children!

4. You may protect yourself from physical ailments like corona with a 20 second handwash but protecting your mental as well as emotional health is a different matter in itself. It is a delicate matter, a dangerous weapon if in wrong hands... an invisible boundary you may unknowingly cross and find yourself groping for a way out...CHOOSE wisely who you reach out to. It will make all the difference in the world. Do not be scared of cutting ties with people who make you feel like trash. If your boat is sinking, throw away the extra baggage without a second thought.

5. Mother Teresa said this on apathy once that the greatest disease today is being unwanted, unloved and uncared for. Physical diseases may be cured with medicine but the only cure for loneliness, despair and hopelessness is Love. 
As the famous song goes by - if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own!

This post is for Sushant Singh Rajput who stirred something within my heart and soul with his honest work. I would conclude by a dialogue from his movie - 


Hum haar jeet, success failure mei itna ulajh gaye hain, ki zindagi jeena bhool gaye hain. Zindagi mei agar kuch sabse zyada important hai toh wo hai khud zindagi.

RIP Sushant. 

P.S. Those who did not understand the caption, it's a spell in Harry Potter which conjures up a tangible positive-energy shield and protects you from the Dementors (happiness-sucking fiends). Literally, it translates to 'I wait for the Guradian'

Friday, 2 June 2017

Whatever.



House# 13
Doldrums Lane
Panic City
Low Spirits - 100001

02/06/2017

The Secretary
The Department of Emotions
You-Make-Me-Sick Road.

Sir
Subject : Cancellation of my subscription to your department.

This is to bring to your kind attention that I would like to unsubscribe to all things related to your department because of the reasons enlisted below -

1.  I have absolutely no faith in the quality of your products. You claim to sell cherries but they turn out to be lemons. I have seen people portraying happiness when they are in fact green with jealousy.

2. There is no market left for genuine care. People run helter-skelter behind the beguile and do not believe in gestures. As they say in Hindi, 'Jo dikhta hai, wo bikta hai'. There is no meaning left in what I silently do to make life easy for people around me...my gestures don't count but what matters is that 'tumne haal chaal nahi pucha humara'. I am not the type who beats the trumpet, so the hell with everything. You neither get the care, nor the haalchaal puchna, all you get now is silence. Enjoy.

3. Anxiety and panic attacks have been the bane of my life. Please, PLEASE, P.L.E.A.S.E. just get this shit out of my life now. Earnest request.

4. Anger! I am nauseated by people who take their ire out on innocent people around them who have no relation whatsoever with the cause of their anger. People who shout at everybody and anybody have long since lost respect in my eyes. These empty vessels that make so much noise, make me reach my nadir of patience. Just erase this nonsense asap, please!

5. Exams? Frustration. Result? Frustration. Job? Frustration. Some social obligation? Frustration. People? Frustration.
Enough said.

6. In return of the trust I place in people, I only get disgust as the by-product of betrayal. It brings suffering, dejection and grief as other co-products. But predominantly, it induces fear, to be honest. I am scared to 'trust' my own judgement now!  


I hope that I have cited enough reasons to be able to call for cancellation. If not, you could send your executive to visit me and see just how sick I am of your products.
 As they say, those who are heartless. once cared too much. I am done caring and I now wish to purchase the heartless part of the adage. If you sell heartlessness, please courier it to the aforementioned address after deducting any discounts that you may be offering. Or is there some exchange bonus? You know, trading all the shitty emotions for heartlessness and I-don't-give-a-damn products?

In anticipation of a quick response from you,
Yours annoyingly
My Middle Finger.







Friday, 5 June 2015

The Grey Fur Jacket.



It was such a strange place... I had an eerie silence engulfing me... It was neither too dark nor too bright, just enough light for everything to be visible... but where was everything? Where was everybody? What is this place? What am I doing here? How did I end up here? It was just space...plain, blank space.

I remember reading about my friend's untimely and unexplained demise in the newspaper and the shock of seeing somebody on front page of the newspaper for being found dead just like that was too much for me to bear... especially because that somebody happened to be my class-partner in 9th who never wrote a word in any bio lecture but always asked for my notes the moment the lecture got over...Once when the bio lecture got over, before he could ask me for my notebook, I offered him my notes ("here...I know, you are going to ask me for this", I smirked)... the silent and taciturn kid that I was, he was surprised at my cheek but laughed out...I then asked him lightly why couldn't he take his own notes to which he answered that he preferred to focus entirely on listening to what the teacher was saying and "besides, you write everything anyway so why should I bother", he smirked back at me. I couldn't help but laugh. And that is how I remember him - excessively intelligent, supremely confident and extremely witty.  So reading about his death in TOI left me shell-shocked... and when I could no longer bear my throbbing head, bleeding heart, crying soul, I left everything and tried to sleep... 
So this must be a dream, I vaguely wondered... but am I supposed to be aware that I am dreaming? This is bizarre.

I suddenly sensed a movement around me and spun around immediately... Somebody was approaching me...I felt a jolt of terror when I noticed the big silvery grey robes covering the figure from head to toe... now the figure was standing right in front of me...who are you, I murmured... to which the figure responded by uncovering its hood and I gasped...
All I could manage was to stare... at those eyes filled with sheer affection for me... that smiling face that I missed terribly... 
After perhaps minutes or may be hours, I wasn't sure of the time, my mind began to argue with the absurdity of what and who I was looking at... how could this be? As if sensing my bewilderment, the figure spoke - It's okay, you are not dead or insane.
I did not answer immediately but merely gazed at the figure, wondering what on Earth was happening. Did I read too much of Harry Potter and this was King's Cross?
The figure laughed out and said smilingly, "No, this isn't King's Cross and neither is this insides of the Mirror of Erised because I know I am what you'd see when you look at it.
Feeling pools of tears building inside my eyes, I took some steadying breaths. Finally, after ages it seemed, I spoke - how do you always know what I am thinking? The figure merely smiled but did not answer.
I asked - what is this place? Is this where you live now? The figure said- Yes and No. I don't live here but I have come here because you are here and you desperately wanted to see me. I know you are stricken because of your batch-mate and needed help. You have lost too many people this year. And I know that you would never speak to anybody else of your deep emotional pain so here I am.
I tried to process the indigestible information and simultaneously accept the fact,with a pang, that whatever I was seeing was surely not true and that I was losing my marbles.
The figure spoke again, "You must have noticed that I can hear your thoughts since this is inside you; I am inside you. You need to accept the fact that what's gone will not come back physically but there is another dimension that most people are unaware of. You will always find what you think you have lost within the confines of that dimension. This is that dimension. If you want proof, here it is - 
And I suddenly noticed that I was surrounded by more people wearing similar attire and gentle smiles - people I had thought I had lost and missed too much for me to bear. They all looked at me with pure love that was so palpable that I could feel the warmth enveloping me. I was stupidly looking from one face to the other, afraid of not seeing them enough when I had the chance. I wanted to hold them all, scared that I would lose them all over again. I could feel a weird heaviness around my heart  - half joy, half sorrow. And before I knew, thick tears started to fall from my eyes,washing away years of pain of my soul. For once, I didn't try to hide my tears, I wasn't ashamed of going into pieces because of my emotional weakness. I wasn't aware of falling onto my knees or of the gentle arms around me that had held me all the time. It was back like earlier times again; I was a kid again and the tragedies might not have happened at all and everything was back to normal- simple, carefree, uncomplicated life. They did not stop me but let me continue with my catharsis.
After what felt like hours, I controlled myself and looked up. They had all gone except the first figure, holding me in its arms.
The figure made me stand up. We began to walk. And talk.
"Can I stay here with you?", I asked though I knew what the answer was going to be.
"No"
"Why not?", I asked.
"Because it is not the right thing to do. I am here to make you understand that you need to stop dwelling over things too much. It is not in your power to change things. Your over-thinking will not make any difference. Everybody has his/her journey to make and you have your own. I know it is difficult but do not mull so much over what/why/how of others' journey please. You are aware that some things affect you more than others but you ought to know that they do not concern you so let go of them before they destroy you."
I nodded.
Suddenly I blurted out," If I have to let go of everything in the end why do I do anything? Why strive to achieve my goals? Why dream big? Look at my batch-mates. I lost two of them in the same year. It is all going to end anyway."
"Because to put a full stop, you need to write a sentence first.", said the figure simply.
The simplicity with which the wisdom was put shook my mind. I was left contemplating over the sagacious words said to me.
The figure took out something from beneath the robes and asked me to wear it. I immediately knew what it was- the grey fur jacket that I loved dearly as a kid. I reminisced fondly that I always got compliments whenever I wore it. It was nice and cozy; It was my favourite jacket. But what was it doing here? Surely this was some joke - how would a jacket that I wore as a 10years old kid, fit a 23years old adult? Besides, I clearly remember giving that jacket to our maid's daughter. How did it come here? But to my utter surprise, it was here AND it fitted me well enough.
What was happening?? The place seemed unearthly silent. The impossibility of everything that was happening was beginning to cloud my sanity. And my senses too; I could notice the lines around the figure blurring. I could hear weird sounds coming from around me. People? Things being moved?



And suddenly I was lying on my bed. Another dream. It was a strange dream. But it felt so real. I lay in bed for a long time trying to remember what I had seen.

Finally, I got out of bed. I saw my brother shifting stuff from one room to another. That explained at least the weird sounds in the dream if not anything else! Ever since he got back from hostel, he has been trying to fit his stuff in the house. When I approached him, he threw something at me and said that he found it while clearing the room.
It was the grey fur jacket.





RIP Sarvy.


Thursday, 24 April 2014

How Do We Spell God? S.A.C.H.I.N.


Pre-Script :
 This is a re-post of my blogpost http://flibbertigibbetsurbhi.quora.com/How-do-we-spell-God which I posted when His Highness Sachin Tendulkar got retired. I am posting it again here since it's His birthday today :)


Is it ok to call Sachin god?
No...it would be a non sequitur...God isn't as great as His Highness Sachin Tendulkar.
For He is the answer to how just one man can hold a nation's breath...how can one person put a smile on a billion faces with a single stroke of his bat...
On a train from Shimla to Delhi,there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual.sachin was nearing century, batting on 98.The passengers, railway officilas, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This genius can stop time in India!

(Peter Roebuck,former Somerset captain and journalist)

200 matches...329 innings...15921 runs...51 centuries...68 half-centuries (Test cricket)
463 matches...18426 runs...49 centuries...96 half-centuries...154 wickets (ODIs)



























But when it comes to Sachin, don't just look at the stats.

Cricketing abilities allied with a greed to bat and an excessively healthy appetite for hardwork, intense focus that is unswayed by praise or criticism, a passion so deep that it's hard to distinguish cricket from Him and Him from cricket...that's Him...that's Sachin Tendulkar...a cricketer who defined His generation.

He has created records, challenged Himself and the world, averted controversies and above all, He has maintained as low a profile as a man constantly in the focus of world media can...He is a shining example of merit eclipsing all odds.



One God saluting other


There are a lot of things that we can learn from the Master Blaster's life...

Focus
That's perhaps the biggest reason of His success...He epitomises perfection...and perfection, undoubtedly, is a result of His focused practice.
He has been a genius when it comes to ability, a trojan when it comes to work ethic and a maniac when it comes to focus.

(Viv Richards)


Do what you enjoy doing
That's what drives Him to create the magic on the field...He simply is in love with cricket...and the happiness that He derives from playing is evident in the countless records that He has broken during course of His journey between  22 yards...As His better-half,Dr Anjali Tendulkar aptly puts it -


I can imagine cricket without him but I can't imagine Sachin without cricket.


When the going gets tough, the tough gets going
He has never let His injuries,failures bog Him down...He took all criticism in His stride and proved that He is the true superstar...

Don't let success go to your head
Even at the top of His career, He never took the game lightly, nor His success too seriously...His hardwork and respect for His profession have lasted all throughout His career..He has His own impeccable ways of doing things - He lets His bat do all the talking.
















Be humble
























Harsha Bhogle's words to Sachin: 
I have often said that you could have, with the pedestal we put you on, looked down at the game below, that you could have allowed yourself to think you were its biggest star. Instead, you remained a servant, always putting the game and its traditions first. Much has changed around you but your respect for the game hasn’t. It is a nice lesson for those obsessed with stardom and its trappings.And that is why I think one of your biggest contributions to Indian cricket was in not behaving like the star you were.

Dear Sachin,
Nobody stirs as many emotions as you do...you make us smile, you make us cry (the farewell speech was so heart-rending.) you make us proud, you unite us all in our love for you.
You are a gift from heaven.
You are the pride and joy of India.
No doubt you are the youngest Bharat Ratna. 
There won't be another one like you.





















Happy Birthday, my hero :)

P.S.

1. I wanted to write so much about Him but could articulate only this bit...because words wouldn't suffice.
2. Apart from the stats and quotes about Him, I collected this little information about him from various newspapers which I could not fit in above -
 He doesn't just hit on the field but in the kitchen as well...He is a great cook..He once cooked baingan barta for the whole team.
His favourite movie is sholay.
His favourite song is main zindagi ka sath nibhata chala gaya from the movie hum dono.