उड़ने को पंख भी थे, ये भी भूल गए...

ऐसी आदत है हमें काम करने की 

कि उसी को सबकुछ बना लेते हैं,

उसी रट में लगे रहते हैं, उसी को ज़िन्दगी बना लेते हैं 

उसी से शिकायत है हमें

और फिर उसी पर जान न्योछावर,

काम काम नहीं होता 

अगर आदमी काम का नहीं होता  

I came across these lines while casually browsing through internet... and they reverberated deep in my heart for quite a long time. I kept pondering over these mainly because they left me introspecting...

Let me build a bit of background here first. I was always one of those people who had her life sorted since the beginning - getting good grades to get a decent college and then a job to make myself financially independent. I was, in simple terms, that cliched person who utters the words "working sincerely... giving my best...proving an asset" in interviews and then slogs the ass off to mean these words. But when I entered the corporate world and saw its ugly face, I realised the pretty picture I had in my mind was a mere illusion. The 'just out of college with her degree' me could not understand a few fundamental things plaguing the corporate culture -

1. How is sitting late a proof of efficiency? I mean, I could clearly see that a certain work can be finished in x hours but people will sit for (x+x) hours just to show that they are committed to the organisation, come on holidays, leave behind their families for work... I mean to say that I am not against working per se but it is the pretence of work that is beyond my comprehension and the fact that who have mastered this art are the star employees. And if I ever discussed this with anybody, I either got lectured on feminism or the fact that "kaam to aise hi hota hai..sab manage karte hain toh tum bhi karo, excuses mat do".

2. I don't know it's just the Finance department thing or a CA mindset thing but people will just NOT work till it's nearly the last day. I guess, the deadline pressure gives them a high or makes them more innovative? Not unless they pull all-nighters with all the free food and mugs of coffee/chai, shall the balance sheet be perfect.

3. Indian office culture is about making you feel guilty if you take a planned leave. Sometimes, taking a leave on a gazetted holiday (yes, you read it right!) will make you unreliable.

4. Don't even get me started on office politics for promotions and recognition. Even the thought makes me nauseous.

What's worse is that it is a never-ending loop. Everybody is doing it because their seniors did it. Anybody protesting against is the most useless employee.I don't know , it's either me who's wired not to fit into corporate culture or there's is something grossly wrong with the way we have made our lives centered around our work. My father cancelled a family trip for work and that's how I got the time to write this long-intended blog. See the irony?

Off late, I have been questioning my choice of field or the way I define success. True, I have a degree and a job that thousands of people aspire for...but if it is not making me happy, is giving me constant health problems, is changing my psyche and my behaviour; is it even worth? But then, if not this then what? From that sincere person who gave her one hundred percent in every endeavour, I have become that person who goes to work just for the paycheck, relegating to the backburner, that strong urge to do something unconventional at the back of my mind , day after day. That voice inside me that says live your dreams, grows feeble with each passing day because the reality is gnawing on the dreams like a hungry dementor. 

 The bitter truth remains that nobody seems to find this disturbing because most people think that this is not something that matters...  so I have stopped discussing this with anybody at all. Notwithstanding the fact that if what you do makes you unhappy and is altering the way you respond to everything, including yourself, this problem goes unnoticed. The only way I have come up with is to stop taking work/ office personally, minding my own business and focusing on personal growth and goals. It seems to be working so far. To conclude, I'd like to quote Nida Fazil - 

सफर में धूप तो होगी , जो चल सको तो चलो 

सभी हैं भीड़ में , तुम भी  निकल सको तो चलो 

किसी के रास्ते राहें कहाँ बदलती हैं 

तुम अपने आप को खुद ही बदल सको तो चलो |   

दास्तान-ए-ज़िंदगी...

Pre- script: This post is dedicated to the most beautiful language, the language that conveys the depth of the emotions like no other means- URDU...I was introduced to urdu by my baba, my grandfather, when I was a kid...It has stayed with me ever since...and my love for the language has only continued to grow as I progress along the road of life...

ज़िंदगी ज़िंदादिली का नाम है

मुर्दादिल भी क्या खाक जिया करते हैं... !

(Life is for the brave hearts...cowards don't live a life.)

बात तो किरदार की होती है

वरना क़द में तो साया भी इंसान से बड़ा होता है...!

(It all zeroes down to the character of a person, else even the shadow is bigger and taller than a man.)

 

इस यकीन पर अंधेरों में सफ़र जारी है

कि मिल ही जाएँगे उजाले मुझको... !

(Carrying on with the dark journey of life with the faith that I'll someday find light.)

अगर रास्ता खूबसूरत है तो पता करो किस मंज़िल को जाता है

लेकिन, अगर मंज़िल खूबसूरत है तो रास्ते की परवाह मत करना... !

(If the journey is beautiful,worry about where it leads you but if the destination is beautiful, don't care about the journey, no matter how tough.)

ज़िंदगी जीने का मज़ा उस वक़्त आता है जब जीने का कोई ख़ास मकसद हो

वरना तो जानवर भी ज़िंदगी गुज़ार ही लेते हैं... !

(Life has meaning only when it has got some purpose. Only animals have a life without any special purpose.)

अभी आगाज़-ए-सफ़र में यूँ घबरा गये तुम

अभी सफ़र-ए-हयात में बहुत मंज़िल बाकी है... !

(Don't get scared at the inception of this journey called life. It has a lot to show, this is just the beginning.)

पूछो तो हर एक है तनहा सुलग रहा

देखो तो शहर शहर है मेला लगा हुआ...!

(Every place is buzzing with people and yet in reality, each of us here is lonely.)

किस किस को पेह्चानोगे इस शहर की भीड़ में

हर एक के चेहरे पर है हज़ार नक़ाब चढ़े हुए... !

(Everybody here wears a thousand masks, whom can you recognize and trust in this crowd of millions)

मंज़िल पे पहुँचने की होती है तलब जिनको

वो रास्ते में रुक कर सोचा नहीं करते... !

(Those who seek nothing but the success, don't stop and think about the obstacles in the path)

वो खुद ही तये करते हैं मंज़िल आसमानों की

परिंदों को नहीं दी जाती तालीम उड़ानों की

रखते हैं जो होंसला आसमान छूने का

उनको नहीं होती परवाह गिर जाने की... !

(Birds are not taught to fly, it is in their very nature.Those who seek success and have the courage to touch the sky,are not scared of setbacks and falls.)

 

कामयाबी बुलंद हौसलों और पुख़्ता इरादे वालों को ही मिलती है

डरकर जीने वाले कल भी पीछे थे, और आज भी पीछे ही हैं...!

(Success is tasted by the ones with courage, high aims and dogged determination...losers always remain losers. )