I never imagined to find myself in a situation where my middle finger would be the best answer to everything. But that was before I signed up for CA.
I am sorry, I am back again to vent out my frustration at the preposterously difficult course that I chose to pursue. No wonder everybody calls us rondu... but I would love to see you swap places with a CA for once and then say it.
I am reminded of a silly SMS that I read ages back when I had just set my foot into the world of CA and 20k free SMS plan had just hit the market which meant a flood of forwarded SMS everyday from everybody (you can't deny that life was good before WhatsApp plagued us!) I didn't really understand what was really funny in that SMS then but now I do. It was something like this -
A doctor, an engineer and a CA die together in a plane crash. Up there, they start fighting over who deserves to go to heaven. God asks them to reiterate their respective deeds to Him so that He could take the decision...
Doctor : Main ek doctor hun, Maine sari umar dusro ke dard dur karne mei laga di. Swarg ka haqdaar main hi hun.
Engineer : Main ek engineer hu. CSE. Maine apni zindagi softwares bnane mei laga di. Apke yaha bhi laga skta hu aur chitragupt ji ko rakhne ki zarurat nahi padegi apko.
God (looking impressed) : Wow... (turning towards the third man) Aur tum kaun ho ?
CA : Prabhu, main ek CA hun aur maine...
God : Bas, mere bhai, bas. Aur kuch mat bol. Sari zindagi tu narak mei roya hai, Subah se lekar shaam tak articleship mei mara hai. Kabhi classes to kabhi clients ke beech pissa hai. Ab rulayga kya? Swarg ka haqdaar tu hi hai, mere bhai, tu hi hai.
If you didn't find anything funny in that joke then let me tell you that it is okay and nothing wasn't really funny at all.
Have you ever observed that everything becomes a hundred times more interesting when you have exams coming up? Let me show you the world from the eyes of a person who has put on the 'Exam-goggles'.
Though each one of has been there but everyone has a different fingerprint and perspective. MY perspective, I assure you, is completely ridiculous as I find stupidest of things funny for no reason at all. Let me illustrate : there is this topic in taxation 'Bonus Stripping'. I had laughed myself silly at the title! Forgive my obscenity, the section numbers make me think of lingerie and sizes - 32, 34D, 40A, 44B ! And we have some novel ones too - 35D, 43B. No wonder boys find tax so alluring!
Murphy's law is always in full swing during the exams - When you have nothing to do, the weather is sultry hot and even the thought of stepping out gives you sunburns but when you have humoungous amount of course left, the Rain God opens the door of heavens for you and the weather becomes tantalizingly pleasant, daring you to choose between petrichor and penalties&prosecution. Answer me honestly, which idiot would leave the former for the latter?
Even the TV people seem to hold some grudge against me : there is nothing but savdhan India/ CID (I hate them to the core) coming up when it is my break but the moment I sit to study, I hear my favourite melody - the music that is played when the WB banner is displayed before the HP movies. How can anyone study with that?!
All the novels seem to be sneering at me from my shelf testing my willpower as I weigh Inheritance of Loss against Profit&gains from Business and profession. I don't know how long the battle would continue and when would I succumb and pick up the novel.
To cap it all, all my friends (of course, Non - CA) are busy making travelling plans when I can't set my foot out of my house without being slashed by an axe placed by ICAI over my head. I am left at a loss of words when each of them voices the same question that November is ages away then why can't I come. November is N.O.T. fucking ages away and I have so much course left that it won't finish even if I study for 16 hours a day for the remaining 4 months.
Then there is the fact that when I somehow sit to study, my appetite becomes 4times the normal. Late night study especially poses a problem now because how can I explain my famished stomach that Maggi has been banned? Nevertheless, from the old adjectives like giraffe and hanger, I have now moved on to words like jollux. The adipose tissue covering my body is making exercise anathema to me with each passing day. But in my defence, I'd like to think of the accumulating fat as nourishment and constant supply of ATP for my brain so that I can remember all the assessment procedures.
As I sit to cram that assessment under section 143(3)/144 can be done till 2 years from end of relevant assessment year but assessment u/s 147 is to be completed within 1 year from the end of financial year (and not assessment year!) in which the notice u/s 148 was served, my intractable mind again wanders off... My inner self smugly mocks me and says may be one day you are going to get a phonecall : Namashkaar Surbhi Ji, main Amitabh Bachchan bol raha hoon Kaun Banega Crorepati se...mere samne yaha Manan Makkar baithe hain aur unhe apki sahayta ki zarurat hai Income Tax ke ek sawaal mein... may be that is where all this Income Tax is going to help me. And oh, of course, to pass the 'approaching-at-the -speed -of -light - and - I-have-gargantuan-amount-of- course- left' exams.
You could pray for me, you know. It is free and some good wishes wouldn't go amiss during a C.R.I.S.I.S. like this.
P.S.
I tried to keep my frustration to bare minimum albeit the fact that it is so palpable. Thank goodness, there is no tax on the same or I would have been the highest taxpayer.
