उड़ने को पंख भी थे, ये भी भूल गए...

ऐसी आदत है हमें काम करने की 

कि उसी को सबकुछ बना लेते हैं,

उसी रट में लगे रहते हैं, उसी को ज़िन्दगी बना लेते हैं 

उसी से शिकायत है हमें

और फिर उसी पर जान न्योछावर,

काम काम नहीं होता 

अगर आदमी काम का नहीं होता  

I came across these lines while casually browsing through internet... and they reverberated deep in my heart for quite a long time. I kept pondering over these mainly because they left me introspecting...

Let me build a bit of background here first. I was always one of those people who had her life sorted since the beginning - getting good grades to get a decent college and then a job to make myself financially independent. I was, in simple terms, that cliched person who utters the words "working sincerely... giving my best...proving an asset" in interviews and then slogs the ass off to mean these words. But when I entered the corporate world and saw its ugly face, I realised the pretty picture I had in my mind was a mere illusion. The 'just out of college with her degree' me could not understand a few fundamental things plaguing the corporate culture -

1. How is sitting late a proof of efficiency? I mean, I could clearly see that a certain work can be finished in x hours but people will sit for (x+x) hours just to show that they are committed to the organisation, come on holidays, leave behind their families for work... I mean to say that I am not against working per se but it is the pretence of work that is beyond my comprehension and the fact that who have mastered this art are the star employees. And if I ever discussed this with anybody, I either got lectured on feminism or the fact that "kaam to aise hi hota hai..sab manage karte hain toh tum bhi karo, excuses mat do".

2. I don't know it's just the Finance department thing or a CA mindset thing but people will just NOT work till it's nearly the last day. I guess, the deadline pressure gives them a high or makes them more innovative? Not unless they pull all-nighters with all the free food and mugs of coffee/chai, shall the balance sheet be perfect.

3. Indian office culture is about making you feel guilty if you take a planned leave. Sometimes, taking a leave on a gazetted holiday (yes, you read it right!) will make you unreliable.

4. Don't even get me started on office politics for promotions and recognition. Even the thought makes me nauseous.

What's worse is that it is a never-ending loop. Everybody is doing it because their seniors did it. Anybody protesting against is the most useless employee.I don't know , it's either me who's wired not to fit into corporate culture or there's is something grossly wrong with the way we have made our lives centered around our work. My father cancelled a family trip for work and that's how I got the time to write this long-intended blog. See the irony?

Off late, I have been questioning my choice of field or the way I define success. True, I have a degree and a job that thousands of people aspire for...but if it is not making me happy, is giving me constant health problems, is changing my psyche and my behaviour; is it even worth? But then, if not this then what? From that sincere person who gave her one hundred percent in every endeavour, I have become that person who goes to work just for the paycheck, relegating to the backburner, that strong urge to do something unconventional at the back of my mind , day after day. That voice inside me that says live your dreams, grows feeble with each passing day because the reality is gnawing on the dreams like a hungry dementor. 

 The bitter truth remains that nobody seems to find this disturbing because most people think that this is not something that matters...  so I have stopped discussing this with anybody at all. Notwithstanding the fact that if what you do makes you unhappy and is altering the way you respond to everything, including yourself, this problem goes unnoticed. The only way I have come up with is to stop taking work/ office personally, minding my own business and focusing on personal growth and goals. It seems to be working so far. To conclude, I'd like to quote Nida Fazil - 

सफर में धूप तो होगी , जो चल सको तो चलो 

सभी हैं भीड़ में , तुम भी  निकल सको तो चलो 

किसी के रास्ते राहें कहाँ बदलती हैं 

तुम अपने आप को खुद ही बदल सको तो चलो |   

The Number 17

Disclaimer:  All thoughts expressed here are author’s personal views and no mockery is anywhere intended. I am responsible for what I say and not for what you understand.

So, it has been 1 year since the gullible girl got out of the gobbledygook of books and ventured into the real world. I have been meaning to write about my experiences but the cobwebs of the corporate world caught me up and I have been neglecting my introspection for long. But not anymore!

Before we begin, let me give you a bit of trivia. Everybody is aware that financial year starts from April 1^st and ends 31^st of March. But can we have a longer financial year? The answer is yes.

Here is an excerpt from the Companies Act, 1956 (sec 129 of Companies Act 2013) for your reference - 

"Financial Year means, in relation to any to any body corporate, the period in respect of which any profit and loss account of the body corporate laid before it in annual general meeting is made up, whether that period is a year or not the period to which the account aforesaid relates is referred to as a 'financial year'; and it may be less or more than a calender year, but it shall not exceed fifteen months; Provided that it may extend to eighteen months where special special permission has been granted in that behalf by the Registrar."


So my year in the blog is going to start from January 2017 and last till April 2018. So we are still talking about Financial year 2017-18. (I am just justifying my inability to write my year-end blog, as my tradition has always been, by using CA jargon. :P)

Oh, what a roller coaster ride this year has been!

It began with my result last year in January.  CA results have always been a jittery affair. Primarily because they say that it would be announced around 2pm but they never publish the results before 4pm. Can you imagine the state of the student during these two hours? One can almost cook rice, such is the pressure in the head. I remember my IPCC results came out at 11pm; 9 hours of torture! CA final was even worse. The website crashed around 4pm and then a gazette reached me via whatsapp! It felt incredibly foolish to believe a whatsapp saying that I was now a CA but for a few magical minutes I was blissful. And then, a friend finally uttered sense – whatsapp gazette is false! Darkness shrouded my mind and I was gasping for breath. Then finally when I could see no way out, I dialed my favourite SharmaJi’s number (she is now my brother’s wife, such an eventful year this has been! :D) and requested her to confirm my result – her father is in ICAI, you see. Sharma Uncle confirmed my result and I heaved a sigh of relief! And then I did what I was dying to do since the inception of CA odyssey, I texted my father “All my life I have been known as a CA’s daughter. Now, you are going to be known as a CA’s father. Debit equals credit ”

Hallelujah!

A perfect ending to the CA journey. Ending, did I say? It was the beginning! Inception of the hard road that lay ahead! But before that, I had a few moments of relief and fun – GMCS 2. I met a variety of people- a few assholes, a few really good friends and a few forget-after-the-gmcs people. In a nutshell, it was an eye opener. It told me what kind of people I would meet ahead and the types of challenges that were going to ensue. I sat for one off campus interview at Deloitte which was a fiasco. Big 4 never really tempted me but as every person preached me that it was stupid not to sit for the interview so I went ahead. After waiting for 3 hours, I finally entered the room. Technical sucked. HR went good. Then I was asked if I had any questions. I asked the interviewer how had his experience been with Deloitte. He began in his monotonous tone that life was okay. (okay? OKAY? He told me that I would need to work 16 hrs a day and for what? An ‘okay’ life?!). Sometimes in my not-so-sane moments, I feel that all these big corporate companies are actually a secret organization and their aim is to plague the world with frustration. Frustrated people recruiting more guinea pigs to suck life and turn into zombies.

Anyway, so then came the campus placements! The interview could not have been more different from the previous one. The interviewer was COOL, there is no other word for him and I was laughing so hard by the end that I had to apologise! So I was selected as an Internal Auditor in the company. I was on cloud 9. I was a CA, I had a job… I needed no other thing in life!

How very wrong I was.

Once I joined, I realized that things were not so rosy. Firstly, my place of reporting was Gurgaon and I simply detest Gurgaon. All the tall glass buildings copied from the west by DLF irritated me (You put up glasses all over the building, leading to greenhouse effect and then install centralised air-conditioning to beat it and then fret over huge power bills and pollution!) and the traffic was/is/will always be crazy in Gurgaon. Shuttle rides gave me sore muscles and back ache. I felt like I had aged 20 years in just 20 days. But I met this wonderful lady here who turned out to be Virat Kohli’s cousin! (I did not believe her till I saw her picture with Virushka at the grand celebrity reception last year! I openly admit that I was green with envy, Kohli is the love of my life after Harry Potter.) After the introductory few days at the new company, we were sent off to its various branches for conducting the internal audit and then reality hit me – it was nowhere near the audit I had envisaged.  I was supposed to visit the customer place and confirm our company’s services and controls were in place. The heat and exertion from long travel hours soon took toll on my health and I resigned within 2 months mainly because of the safety factors – these customers lived in the JJ colonies, since my company was into micro finance, and I was supposed to visit these areas with a salesperson on his bike!

And I was back into what-am-I-going-to-do-in-my-life phase. I started analyzing my strengths and weaknesses, interests and available options. Thoughts like ‘did I do the right thing by resigning; who is stupid enough to leave campus placement which is so difficult to get through; maybe I should have persevered’ kept plaguing me. Thanks to some wonderful people that God has bestowed me with, I could get out of it and got my next job in OBC after successfully clearing the written and interview. The month of darkness was soon forgotten just like a bad dream.

The number 17 continued to rule my stars. My CA result was announced on 17^th Jan. I joined my first job on 17^th of April. I joined my subsequent job on 17^th of August! And this is just the tip of the iceberg. ;)

The week-long induction training was my first experience in hostel and it was a memorable one. I realized why all hostelers kept cribbing about bad food – food at the mess was  extremely oily but the dessert always made up for the bad taste.

Obviously, I slept through the lectures but was wide awake during our badminton matches at night. And again, I met a variety of people – a bunch of idiots, some nice friends, a few I-don’t-even-remember-their-names and one adorable lady needs special mention here - Shraddha! She is one of the most hardworking, polite, sensible and decent women I have ever met!

At the end of our training, we were all given our postings. I was posted at Head office (Gurgaon, will you ever leave me?!) in large corporate credit department- I had to deal with the big fish, loans above 50 crores.  The next few months were horrendously challenging – I had to learn all the new stuff about loans, policies of the bank, RBI guidelines and more importantly, how to deal with people and how to coordinate between various departments I needed to rely upon for information! I tried my best but my pace was slow. I got scolded again and again. Again, some people who I call Gifts-from-God, helped me through each difficult day. Some days were so bad that I went home resolving to never be back but got up the next morning to face all the challenges.

Meanwhile, my brother got married. And a wedding, as enjoyable and wonderful and sacred thing may be, is a stressful affair! Shopping is as time consuming as it is financially-depleting. I tried one dress after the other till I settled upon this beautiful black-golden gown and a golden saree. It cost me my entire month’s salary but the look and the compliments overshadowed the monetary aspects.

After fun-filled 4 days wedding saga, it was difficult getting back to work. But what options do we have other than slogging our asses off for organizations who replace us within a fraction of second?

Just when I started to get a little hang of my work, life threw me a curve ball again!

I was transferred to the Accounts department! Out of the blue. Just like that. Personal grudge of the bosses? Or was it my slow pace? God knows how many times my mind berated me till I was shown sense (again by the good people!) that

•  Things don’t work like that in professional domain. Transfer is as ubiquitous in banks as chaai
• I need not blame my slow pace since I was a newbie and I was given 2 years to learn and train myself. Nobody catches bullet trains in 6 months, every body rides a bullock cart.
• Change is good. Change is inevitable. Moreover, wasn’t I so stressed and unhappy in that department so why not give the new department a chance?

And so I entered the Accounts department. So far, so good. My father worships Accounts, by the way. So he showed me all the positive (N.B. sarcasm detected!) side – balance sheet is the lifeline of any company’s finances, GST is the future of India, IFRS is the in-thing. He had said the same things about the credit department also… that credit department would lead to my holistic  learning as it would involve processing of balance sheets, application of tax laws. I have lost all hopes that I can ever be as much in love with CA stuff as he is.

Amongst all the anguish, I found my solace in fulfilling my travel dreams that I nurtured since childhood. I have covered Rajasthan, Shimla and Goa so far; sand, snow and sea. I fell in love with the sound of the sea. You have no right to be alive if you can’t take out time to watch the sunrise and sunset. Sunsets in Goa are proofs that not everything that goes down is sad and melancholy; it taught me to stay still and just be in the moment… the realization dawned on me that a higher power looks upon us all and I could feel all my stressed neurons slackening as the force of the mighty sea hit me. Nothing mattered anymore and I learnt just to be… in unison with my soul… at total peace.

All in all, this year was all about what they call as blooming and budding; making mistakes and learning from them; getting out of my comfort zone and most importantly taking note of my happiness and dreams.

Veer Ji Viyohn Chaleya :D

In India, when you hear the word 'wedding' all that comes into mind is food, dance and a hell lot of fun with family!

Let me take you on a tour of the saga that a big, fat Indian wedding is ! This post is not a blog on the rituals of a wedding per se (like band-baajaa-baraat) but a fun post on different categories of people one may come across, the nuisance of irksome relatives and my random observations on anything and everything. 
(N.B. The satirical content may please be taken in good humour as no mockery is anywhere intended. Randomly funny tweets have been inserted to raise the humour content.)

Part - A

Finally the most awaited wedding of the season! :D

It was special because of the following reasons -

1. It brought all of us together, literally and emotionally as a family, as we (mercifully!) left behind our normal routines and gathered to celebrate with our eldest cousin his most special moment. Spending a few days together brings about a lot of intimacy (this is saying something, coming from an emotionally detached person like me!)

2. The marriage was a welcome change as it merged two different cultures. It renewed my faith in humanity as this was an inter-caste marriage that got culminated after a long fight against the social norms. It proved that love can conquer all obstacles and help us rise above petty stuff like caste-ism. There might be 99 differences among us but that one similarity to love and be loved is what that matters the most.

3. Last but the most important reason for ME - the food was just so delicious that I took three servings of everything. (Yeah, I am a shameless foodie :P) It is an impossible task for me to ignore a delectable paneer tikka or a succulent fruit chaat or a spicy tikki or tantalizing noodles or ambrosial manchurian. Just kidding, the other two reasons made it memorable too :D

But every coin has two sides. For every Harry Potter, there is a Lord Voldemort. For every Batman, there is a Joker. And for every good feeling that you have for yourself - 

Part - B

Relatives are real life dementors! Everybody has relatives.  I am also somebody's relative and I am not ashamed to admit that I might be your dementor. But at a wedding, the place is swarming with dementors ! It could be a relative of relative or a friend of relative, the groom's relative or the bride's relative, but I have no qualms about saying this out loud - either with their words, nosy questions or behaviour but koi na koi toh tumhara khoon jala hi dega !

But in general, these are the categories of relatives you are likely to meet at a wedding - 

• Tu to namaste bhi nahi karti

No matter how much you try to escape them, they beat the CBI & FBI and will catch you and accuse you of ignoring them. Desi Liam Neeson!

How to tackle them : There is absolutely no way out. Don se bach sakta hai insaan lekin inse bachna mushkil hi nahi naamumkin hai. Just do a namaste, dude.

• Agla number tera hai.

Shaadi karwaane mei lage rehne wale rishtedaar. Shaadi na ho gayi oxygen ho gayi by God!

These are mostly the elderly relatives who have a knack of emotionally blackmailing a person by continuously hanging this sword - marne se pehle hum apne par-par-par-par-par-par paute dekhna chahte hain (toh isliye tum bakre ban jao aur latak jao shadi ki sooli pe) the bracket part is silent. But this is so NOT fair. When people who have blissfully lived their own lives hang swords on people who are yet to fulfill their own dreams, it sucks real bad. I might appear harsh and heartless here but everybody deserves to live life their own way even if it means defying the wishes of everybody and anybody!

How to tackle them : Just DON'T budge. At any cost. The hell with people.

• Foodie

I belong to this category. :D

These are the people who live for food. All they care about at a wedding is that the food should be mouth-watering, aromatic, lip-smacking and heavenly. Traits of such people are - they lose track of conversation while eating, they become irascible if they don't get tasty food, they are friends with people who appreciate food.

 

How to tackle them : Most probably, such relatives won't disturb you; they'd be too focused on stuffing :P But if they do, their Achilles' heel is F.O.O.D.

• Nitpicker

Such relatives have a problem with everything. No matter how perfect you try to make arrangements for them, they will find faults with everything and criticise you to the core. Haven't you had any encounter with one such person who has the audacity to question every ritual that you do and tell you that you are doing it wrong or that you missed something? I really have never understood their problem. Why can't they just be happy and share our happiness? 

How to tackle them : Ignore them. Big time. And don't go on any guilt trips for doing so. Period.

• Dancers

What is a marriage without any dancing? :D

Dhol is to punjabis as Sachin Tendulkar is to cricket. Enough said.

Now, dancer relatives may have sub-categories! That chachiji stealing the stage with her thumkas or that  mamaji dancing with fervour along with whistles or that foofaji asking everybody to step aside so that he can do his weird dance. :P 

How to tackle them : Well, dance is a shortcut to happiness and happiness mei sabke saare khoon maaf  because everybody deserves to be happy and a wedding is all about happiness :D

• Mud mud ke na dekh

Everywhere you go, you are bound to meet people who think that God gave them eyes so that they can stare shamelessly especially at girls. Openly checking out creeps the hell out of girls, don't do this please! It is offensive, it is scary, it is violating.

I once asked one of male friends about the same. Why do guys stare so much (I am not saying girls don't do it, it is just that girls do it in a subtle manner.) He answered that imagine you're walking down a road and happen to see a beautiful flower. Would you not look at it? Admire it?

I was mind-blown!

People, please don't objectify women! You want to admire the beauty, do it gently in an unobtrusive manner that doesn't make them freak out!

How to tackle them : No idea. :|

• Obnoxiously cool relatives

These are the relatives who are really cool because they dress like a mogul and dance like Madhuri Dixit but somehow their nature is obnoxious ! they are either too arrogant or snobbish or a blowhard or egoistic or a gossip-monger or considers himself/herself to be the best adviser on every topic  !

How to tackle them : Ignore, ignore, ignore!

• Relatives who observe and write a blog about everything

That would be me. :P A narcissist, fun-loving and sarcastic soul :P

How to tackle them: read the blogs and praise a lot :D

Part - C

Dearest Bhaiya,

As I sat watching you taking the vows with your beloved, I couldn't help but remember our childhood days. When we visited you each summer and played from dusk to dawn! There is this particular incident that I remember which says just how sweet a person you are... while you were studying here in Delhi, you visited me once and had gotten Litchi juice for me because you remembered that I love Litchi ! (even though I later told you that I love the fruit and not the juice :P) And even today.. you never forget that I love chocolates and always get me loads #Belgian Chocolates!

You looked one hell of a sight with your gorgeous bride, you are the handsomest groom I have ever seen till now ! You two make a fantastic couple :D May you get loads of happiness and continue to flash your million dollar smile for as many years as the stars in the sky.

Happy Married Life to you two !

God Bless You :)

(Humse hai zamaana sara #the cousin gang :D)

​

Benevolence for Blue, Glee for Green, Satisfaction for Saffron...My Real Holi.

"May this Holi fill colours of happiness, prosperity and love in your life"- whatsapp-ed my friend from her new Samsung Note III.

Samsung Note Series...My love for it began about 3 years back when I first laid eyes on the original Samsung Note- the first in the series...and my love only deepened further with Note II and III...

I was just trying to imagine the happiness my friend must be feeling when my brother reminded me that we were supposed to go donate our old stuff to the needy...that's how I had planned to celebrate Holi this time before the thoughts of Note III had clouded my mind.

And so we left.

The Cobbler.

I noticed how deftly he sew the shoes of the gentlemen, mended the heels that carry the models that the gentlemen so love to watch...it was then that I realized the paradox - he wore battered shoes.

The person who makes sure the world walks around in proper, impeccable shoes had those battered pieces of leather for shoes...I gave him an old pair of shoes and a few clothes for his children...The heartfelt smile that followed is something that the 13 mp camera of Note III would not have been able to capture...His sincere words "apki zindagi mei khushi ke rang bhare uparwala" made me feel so little...Though it was I who was wearing branded clothes and shoes but I felt he was richer than me in every sense...Here I was, cribbing over not owning the Samsung Note and there he was, happy with clothes and shoes that I no longer wanted to wear.

He taught me that we should be happy in whatever God has given us...Things are worse for others and are a lot better for us...We have what 90% of the people would do anything to have.

The Construction Workers.

The paradox again - people who build houses for everybody have nothing more than a temporary shelter made up of plastic sheets and bamboo to live...I gave whatever clothes and shoes that were left to the children and wives of the construction workers...One of the children started crying because he got clothes from me but no shoes...I felt so helpless...I chided myself for wishing to have Samsung Note III when there were people who had no houses to sleep in, no shoes to wear and no food to eat.

This was such an eye opener..I realized that I was so fortunate...I have much more than I need to be content...I pledged to stop complaining and giving out more to those who are less fortunate.

I wish to confess that these colours of benevolence, happiness and satisfaction have left indelible marks on my soul...Red, blue and green gulaal might come off after a few days but these colours would not...This was my first real, meaningful Holi...I now understand the significance of the festival...what the hackneyed Holi message of ' filling the colours of joy and happiness' actually means.I hope to continue doing such gestures not just because they make someone else happy but because they make ME feel happy...and alive...and human...and good.

I don't know why I am reminded of one of the poems of ZNMD here,

Dilon mein tum apni

Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Have a meaningful Holi :)