शादी कब करोगे ?

Disclaimer : There is no intention to hurt any community or religion or person with this post. All characters and names are fictional and any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

A respectable HIGH STATUS industrialist family of Mumbai seeks alliance for their smart, good looking, EXTREMELY beautiful, charming, cultured daughter. Looking for a professionally qualified boy hailing from high status, well established, CULTURED business family.

That's an advertisement from a matrimony page of a famous newspaper. Shadi (Somehow, marriage doesn't give the same emotions as Shadi!) season is back and so is my frustration. This is my third blog on shadi and somehow my frustration has increased manifold with each post! 

I don't have any problem with the concept of shadi per se but it is the big hullabaloo created by our society around this 'sacred union of two souls' that leaves me exasperated. If one could have simply a sign-and-done kind of marriage instead of having elaborate functions with dress codes, I wouldn't mind it much!

The shadi industry is one of the few industries which is immune to recession; petty issues like global economic slowdown can't mar the spirits of your relatives who want absolutely nothing than to see you in a marital bliss. How your marriage affects your mamiji's brother's neighbour's grandparents is a mystery to me but they will still suggest your parents to marry you off because THEY consider it right! And once you decide to get married, it's just the blur of functions that you are going to have to count using a calculator. And I don't know if it's just a Punjabi family thing but the grander the arrangements, the better your image in your society. This again leaves me completely nonplussed because shelling out 25lacs on a single night is moronic!  The YOLO (you only live once) trend further propagated by SRK in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that shadi ek bar hoti hai has made Indian weddings from grand to outrageously grand -

1. Ostentatious

One of my friends broke open her bank balance for her wedding lehnga. It was undoubtedly beautiful but is there any point in shelling out lakhs for something that is only one-time wear? If only she had spent more time talking and knowing her beau than she spent on that lehnga, she might not have to file for a divorce months later!

2. Destination wedding

This new trend has been picking up with Indian couples quite a lot. My FB was flooded with a cruise wedding the other day while another one showed a wedding in Thailand. From simply taking vows in a temple to destination weddings, Indians have definitely notched up their choices! All this show off and no patience for each other, why have such a hollow marriage?

3. Pre-wedding shoots

I don't know who invented this innovative concept but it's been exploited by the photography industry like never before! The other day, one of my colleagues showed me what she called was her announcement picture. I got confused and asked if it was her version of pre-wedding! She told me that a decade back, people used to go to the photo studio and got clicked their pictures in specific poses to announce their wedding! From those tiny studios, the wedding shoots have moved on to exotic locations like Italy and Dubai. I do hope that pre-marriage communication also gets just as popular so that we are able to nurture caring and meaningful relationships!

4. Series of Functions

People surely spend their entire savings on weddings! From Roka to Shadi, the bride and the groom have to endure at least a hundred ceremonies, each more extravagant than the other! Add to it, the Indian brand drama of relatives - hame kisi ne pucha nahi, hame nahi bulaya th toh hum kyu bulayein unhe; the functions become a total nightmare! And God save you, if you somehow are unable to attend the wedding, people will treat you with a contempt so bad that no apology will erase their prejudice against you! the only people who really enjoy a wedding are friends and cousins who dance their hearts out!

I might come across as a melodramatic wedding critic but believe me I am not as cruel as it appears to be. I am just a little limited with people I share my important personal events with. So all this extravaganza associated with wedding makes me both nauseous and scared, confused and flabbergasted at the way people just drown all their savings for a single event.  I am in no manner against people holding a lavish wedding or suggesting in any way that grand weddings are in any way associated with marriage not being a success; I simply believe that the day is important to YOU so you alone have the right to decide how you want to make it happen. Some prefer the pomp and show while I am one of those who would prefer a silent court marriage and a month long travel around the world to celebrate it. To each, his/her own! 

If only, I could hold a swayamvar and put these conditions for the probable suitors - 

1. Must be a great travel freak.

2. Knowledge and love for Harry Potter is a prerequisite.

3. Must be willing for a silent, no non-sense marriage and spend all that money saved from extravagant affairs of shadi on point#1.

4.Handle the relatives and their taunts for committing the so-called social crime enlisted in point#3

5. Say 'Surbhi is the best' 10 times a day, with or without any reason. 😁

So, anyone for a date? 😆

The Number 17

Disclaimer:  All thoughts expressed here are author’s personal views and no mockery is anywhere intended. I am responsible for what I say and not for what you understand.

So, it has been 1 year since the gullible girl got out of the gobbledygook of books and ventured into the real world. I have been meaning to write about my experiences but the cobwebs of the corporate world caught me up and I have been neglecting my introspection for long. But not anymore!

Before we begin, let me give you a bit of trivia. Everybody is aware that financial year starts from April 1^st and ends 31^st of March. But can we have a longer financial year? The answer is yes.

Here is an excerpt from the Companies Act, 1956 (sec 129 of Companies Act 2013) for your reference - 

"Financial Year means, in relation to any to any body corporate, the period in respect of which any profit and loss account of the body corporate laid before it in annual general meeting is made up, whether that period is a year or not the period to which the account aforesaid relates is referred to as a 'financial year'; and it may be less or more than a calender year, but it shall not exceed fifteen months; Provided that it may extend to eighteen months where special special permission has been granted in that behalf by the Registrar."


So my year in the blog is going to start from January 2017 and last till April 2018. So we are still talking about Financial year 2017-18. (I am just justifying my inability to write my year-end blog, as my tradition has always been, by using CA jargon. :P)

Oh, what a roller coaster ride this year has been!

It began with my result last year in January.  CA results have always been a jittery affair. Primarily because they say that it would be announced around 2pm but they never publish the results before 4pm. Can you imagine the state of the student during these two hours? One can almost cook rice, such is the pressure in the head. I remember my IPCC results came out at 11pm; 9 hours of torture! CA final was even worse. The website crashed around 4pm and then a gazette reached me via whatsapp! It felt incredibly foolish to believe a whatsapp saying that I was now a CA but for a few magical minutes I was blissful. And then, a friend finally uttered sense – whatsapp gazette is false! Darkness shrouded my mind and I was gasping for breath. Then finally when I could see no way out, I dialed my favourite SharmaJi’s number (she is now my brother’s wife, such an eventful year this has been! :D) and requested her to confirm my result – her father is in ICAI, you see. Sharma Uncle confirmed my result and I heaved a sigh of relief! And then I did what I was dying to do since the inception of CA odyssey, I texted my father “All my life I have been known as a CA’s daughter. Now, you are going to be known as a CA’s father. Debit equals credit ”

Hallelujah!

A perfect ending to the CA journey. Ending, did I say? It was the beginning! Inception of the hard road that lay ahead! But before that, I had a few moments of relief and fun – GMCS 2. I met a variety of people- a few assholes, a few really good friends and a few forget-after-the-gmcs people. In a nutshell, it was an eye opener. It told me what kind of people I would meet ahead and the types of challenges that were going to ensue. I sat for one off campus interview at Deloitte which was a fiasco. Big 4 never really tempted me but as every person preached me that it was stupid not to sit for the interview so I went ahead. After waiting for 3 hours, I finally entered the room. Technical sucked. HR went good. Then I was asked if I had any questions. I asked the interviewer how had his experience been with Deloitte. He began in his monotonous tone that life was okay. (okay? OKAY? He told me that I would need to work 16 hrs a day and for what? An ‘okay’ life?!). Sometimes in my not-so-sane moments, I feel that all these big corporate companies are actually a secret organization and their aim is to plague the world with frustration. Frustrated people recruiting more guinea pigs to suck life and turn into zombies.

Anyway, so then came the campus placements! The interview could not have been more different from the previous one. The interviewer was COOL, there is no other word for him and I was laughing so hard by the end that I had to apologise! So I was selected as an Internal Auditor in the company. I was on cloud 9. I was a CA, I had a job… I needed no other thing in life!

How very wrong I was.

Once I joined, I realized that things were not so rosy. Firstly, my place of reporting was Gurgaon and I simply detest Gurgaon. All the tall glass buildings copied from the west by DLF irritated me (You put up glasses all over the building, leading to greenhouse effect and then install centralised air-conditioning to beat it and then fret over huge power bills and pollution!) and the traffic was/is/will always be crazy in Gurgaon. Shuttle rides gave me sore muscles and back ache. I felt like I had aged 20 years in just 20 days. But I met this wonderful lady here who turned out to be Virat Kohli’s cousin! (I did not believe her till I saw her picture with Virushka at the grand celebrity reception last year! I openly admit that I was green with envy, Kohli is the love of my life after Harry Potter.) After the introductory few days at the new company, we were sent off to its various branches for conducting the internal audit and then reality hit me – it was nowhere near the audit I had envisaged.  I was supposed to visit the customer place and confirm our company’s services and controls were in place. The heat and exertion from long travel hours soon took toll on my health and I resigned within 2 months mainly because of the safety factors – these customers lived in the JJ colonies, since my company was into micro finance, and I was supposed to visit these areas with a salesperson on his bike!

And I was back into what-am-I-going-to-do-in-my-life phase. I started analyzing my strengths and weaknesses, interests and available options. Thoughts like ‘did I do the right thing by resigning; who is stupid enough to leave campus placement which is so difficult to get through; maybe I should have persevered’ kept plaguing me. Thanks to some wonderful people that God has bestowed me with, I could get out of it and got my next job in OBC after successfully clearing the written and interview. The month of darkness was soon forgotten just like a bad dream.

The number 17 continued to rule my stars. My CA result was announced on 17^th Jan. I joined my first job on 17^th of April. I joined my subsequent job on 17^th of August! And this is just the tip of the iceberg. ;)

The week-long induction training was my first experience in hostel and it was a memorable one. I realized why all hostelers kept cribbing about bad food – food at the mess was  extremely oily but the dessert always made up for the bad taste.

Obviously, I slept through the lectures but was wide awake during our badminton matches at night. And again, I met a variety of people – a bunch of idiots, some nice friends, a few I-don’t-even-remember-their-names and one adorable lady needs special mention here - Shraddha! She is one of the most hardworking, polite, sensible and decent women I have ever met!

At the end of our training, we were all given our postings. I was posted at Head office (Gurgaon, will you ever leave me?!) in large corporate credit department- I had to deal with the big fish, loans above 50 crores.  The next few months were horrendously challenging – I had to learn all the new stuff about loans, policies of the bank, RBI guidelines and more importantly, how to deal with people and how to coordinate between various departments I needed to rely upon for information! I tried my best but my pace was slow. I got scolded again and again. Again, some people who I call Gifts-from-God, helped me through each difficult day. Some days were so bad that I went home resolving to never be back but got up the next morning to face all the challenges.

Meanwhile, my brother got married. And a wedding, as enjoyable and wonderful and sacred thing may be, is a stressful affair! Shopping is as time consuming as it is financially-depleting. I tried one dress after the other till I settled upon this beautiful black-golden gown and a golden saree. It cost me my entire month’s salary but the look and the compliments overshadowed the monetary aspects.

After fun-filled 4 days wedding saga, it was difficult getting back to work. But what options do we have other than slogging our asses off for organizations who replace us within a fraction of second?

Just when I started to get a little hang of my work, life threw me a curve ball again!

I was transferred to the Accounts department! Out of the blue. Just like that. Personal grudge of the bosses? Or was it my slow pace? God knows how many times my mind berated me till I was shown sense (again by the good people!) that

•  Things don’t work like that in professional domain. Transfer is as ubiquitous in banks as chaai
• I need not blame my slow pace since I was a newbie and I was given 2 years to learn and train myself. Nobody catches bullet trains in 6 months, every body rides a bullock cart.
• Change is good. Change is inevitable. Moreover, wasn’t I so stressed and unhappy in that department so why not give the new department a chance?

And so I entered the Accounts department. So far, so good. My father worships Accounts, by the way. So he showed me all the positive (N.B. sarcasm detected!) side – balance sheet is the lifeline of any company’s finances, GST is the future of India, IFRS is the in-thing. He had said the same things about the credit department also… that credit department would lead to my holistic  learning as it would involve processing of balance sheets, application of tax laws. I have lost all hopes that I can ever be as much in love with CA stuff as he is.

Amongst all the anguish, I found my solace in fulfilling my travel dreams that I nurtured since childhood. I have covered Rajasthan, Shimla and Goa so far; sand, snow and sea. I fell in love with the sound of the sea. You have no right to be alive if you can’t take out time to watch the sunrise and sunset. Sunsets in Goa are proofs that not everything that goes down is sad and melancholy; it taught me to stay still and just be in the moment… the realization dawned on me that a higher power looks upon us all and I could feel all my stressed neurons slackening as the force of the mighty sea hit me. Nothing mattered anymore and I learnt just to be… in unison with my soul… at total peace.

All in all, this year was all about what they call as blooming and budding; making mistakes and learning from them; getting out of my comfort zone and most importantly taking note of my happiness and dreams.

Oh Darling, Let's Be Adventurers!

I'd have admitted that my blog posts have become as recurring as service tax returns but 2017 meant subsumption of all indirect taxes into one umbrella tax of GST so my CA-brand joke is a complete malarkey. (Service tax returns were half-yearly unlike GST returns, got the PJ now?)

Anyway, philosophers and successful people might say that only losers give excuses but I think that I deserve to justify my absence before being tagged as a loser!

So, my brother decided to get married to his beloved this year. We also undertook a totally mind-consuming (not to mention financially-depleting!) job of renovating our home this year. I had my personal goals to meet - CA and campus placement. With all the hullabaloo going on, my blog got relegated to the sidelines. Anyway, now I am here to rant again!

My aversion to everything that spells intimacy is universally known, be it love or wedding. Before all of you judge me heartless and evil as the villainess fairy Maleficent, I want to clarify that I am THE HAPPIEST person alive that my brother got married.

Personally, I believe, a wedding is a cockamamie concept. It drains you mentally, emotionally and FINANCIALLY! One's head resembles a Prestige Cooker (ironically, the tag line says 'jo biwi se kare pyar, wo prestige se kaise kare inkaar') steaming off at 250 degree F out of stress; relatives who taunt you and get upset for anything and everything at the speed of light; and your 10 years or 20 years of savings go into a sewer for throwing a themed wedding or a destination wedding respectively. Agreed, you are happy to finally be with the love of your life but why invite a clan of 500- 1000 people that you barely know and spend a million bucks entertaining them instead of just those few you can count on fingers who truly, genuinely care about your happiness? And it's just not about the money, the whole wedding saga is a torture in itself - I considered the saat pheras to be sacred before I saw all the people sleeping and snoring during the ceremony. Anyway, I can never run out of arguments against getting married so let me focus on what this post was originally meant to be about - 

How I could use all that money to give solace to my restless soul... by travelling far and wide...
Now that I have a steady source of income, I have started thinking about fulfilling my travel dreams. What appeared like a soap bubble to me earlier, now seems realistic. I have gradually begun to understand why exactly I run away from the idea of relationships and marriage - it is the thought of being settled, of getting into shackles of societal obligations and above all, of being chained to one place or routine, that haunts my nomadic soul. I keep pouring over articles and blogs that talk about places to travel in a budget, how to save for travel and what not. This blog post is my first step, symbolic of my promise to myself that from now on, I live to turn my dreams into reality... This is going to be the reminder in my frustrating moments that there is light at the end of the tunnel, so keep moving...

While the above mentioned rosy thoughts might motivate me to hit the road right away, my sane mind rings the bells - Surbhi, you need the funds! So here is how I plan to save for my travel goals -

1. Create a  travel corpus.
Call it your 'Adventure Account' to own a  'Dream Debit Card'. Remember, good things take time. It is a marathon, not a 100m sprint. Go steady but stay committed to saving for your cause. The best way is to set your salary account on auto-debit mode for some TDs (read travel deposits instead of term deposits!) because the only real life equation I understand is Income- Saving = Expenditure. Set aside some savings first and then expend the balance in a wise manner.

2. Cut down on wasteful expenditure
Once you have saved a portion of your income, focus on allocating the balance in such a manner that you are able to increase your savings by 10% p.a. Instead of draining your money on a Starbucks Coffee with a bunch of spendthrift friends, you could convince them for a Delhi-Darshan while sipping away a local cup of chai while soaking in the local culture. Or you could curb on your weekend outings to malls and cafes. The idea is to do away with everything that comes in way of your dreams; your peer group might start mocking you but be ruthless about your priorities!

3. The Great Indian Sale by Amazon
All of us are aware that Amazon is the biggest e-commerce company in the market and its revenue roots from people like us who shop away our salaries at the click of button. What I mean to say is that you need to keep your shopping tendencies off the table, if you want to savour the cuisines in the various parts of the world; that one GAP dress can cost you your trip to Grand Canyon. Either own that Louis Vuitton or go visit St Peter's in the Vatican City. Your fashion-crazy friends will definitely make fun of you, might call you 'aunty' because of your good old attire of jeans and t-shirt but we shall see who has the last laugh while watching the  Northern Lights in Norway.

4. Supplement your income
Find ways to boost your income. Just to illustrate, I keep participating in writing contests and have won 7500 bucks apiece.I know people who earn through online selling on amazon or through digital marketing. Every person has been given some skill or the other. Discover your talent and monetise it!

5. Be practical in your approach
Start with simple things like doing away with double expenses - people carry multiple sim cards and keep paying multiple expenses. If you don't watch TV, you could cut away your cable and save on a lot of money annually. You could car-pool or use public transport to save as well as contribute to environment.

6. Keep your eyes on the goal
You would often be tempted to stray away from your goals - friends and family would call you miser, stupid, crazy... but don't deter. I keep reading and looking at travelling blogs and pictures to keep myself motivated and focused. 
Here, have a look -

• The-50-most-beautiful-places-in-the-world
• Beautiful-places-in-india-you-must-visit
• 20-Places-In-Indian-You-Can-Visit-With-Just-10000-Rupees

And just to pique your interest, here is a compilation of some of the most picturesque places around the world - 

1.Christmas Island, Australia

2. Plitvice Lakes, Croatia

3. Glen Coe, Scotland

4. Valley of Flowers, Uttarakhand

All the beautiful places in India and the World, here I come !

Kisi ke Hath na Aayegi ye Ladki Part #1: Kolkata Diaries.

Not all those who wander are lost...



Like every dreamer, I too had my bucket list prepared by the age of 10. Well, I didn't know it was called a bucket list but you get the drift, I hope. I wanted to travel to every nook and cranny of my country and then the world. But life doesn't work like Aladdin's Magic Lamp - your wish is my command.  I got caught up badly in the quagmire that the life sometimes throws into your path. But somewhere deep inside me, I had that dreamer alive who was waiting for her opportunity to swoop upon and be a globetrotter. 
And voila, with some fortunate twists, I got to travel to Kolkata! Well, it is a start!

The best part about travelling is the feeling of removal of my comfort zone. The feeling that how much I have been missing on, how much I need to see is both unnerving and overwhelming.  
Let me take you on a journey of Kolkata with my eyes - 


People, People everywhere.

Delhi is barely a dot on the map of India. West Bengal is gigantic in area. Despite that, the first thing I noticed about Kolkata is that it is densely populated. The only place that matches this density in Delhi is Chandni Chowk. Or may be Rajiv Chowk Metro station. I couldn't stand and admire any place, I was swept by the crowd if I stood at any place even a second longer. But Kolkata is made of wonderfully helpful people. As sweet as Rosogulla. As soft hearted as Sondesh. I asked my hotel manager about some good places to visit and he actually took out 30 minutes to write it all down on a piece of paper for me! I was flattered.

But one mind-boggling thing was their attitude between 2 to 5 pm. The city shuts down completely as if in curfew. Everybody refuses to work, shops closed, the taxi hoods raised up, the city comes to a halt. Weird norm really!


The Tram & the Metro.

Tram is the most famous mode of sightseeing ! it is utterly slow but gives a glimpse of most of the important places of the city. It is actually a train like structure that moves on the road ! It is a good option if you have a lot of time in your itinerary and don't mind the slow pace.
The metro system of Kolkata is the oldest one in India.  1984, can you believe that ? I was in awe with the historical connection. 
And you know the best part? Public transport in this city costs you a dime! 


Eden Garden!

It resonates the vibes of Sachin & Kohli, Dravid & Yuvi; you really have to be here to feel this place ! The feeling is ineffable! The place breathes of cricket and cricket, as everybody knows, flows in every Indian's blood!



The Blue-White City of Chaos through the Windows of Yellow Ambassador.

The theme of Kolkata is blue and white. Except of course the eye-catching yellow ambassador taxis. Unlike Delhi's ubiquitous e-rickshaws, Kolkata's roads are fraught with yellow taxis that remind you of the 80s! I asked one taxi driver if it was profitable driving the taxi in the city and he told me that the taxi fares have been fixed by the government and have not risen for the past 5 years or so and it is an impossible task to earn even two square meals driving the yellow taxi with Ola and Uber eating up the market. He even mentioned about a strike that the yellow taxis did about 3years back to ask for a rise in the fare but the government simply refused to cooperate! 
The traffic in the city is chaotic, this is saying something coming from a Delhite as there is nothing more notorious in Delhi than its traffic, except perhaps the swear words. By chaotic I don't mean that the people don't follow the traffic rules. What I mean is that people immediately halt at the red signal but as soon as the signal turns green, there is a mad rush on road, there are no roundabouts to help slow down the traffic at junctions. I think the traffic policemen should be awarded a nobel prize for handling the traffic in this city !


The dichotomy

There was no dearth of Jaguar, Audi and Merc in the city. But at the same time the sordid state of the poor and the destitute made me feel so miserable. The rich drove on, while the sides of the roads whispered the sorry stories of the underprivileged. And the sight of rickshaw pullers in the city will remind you of the British era  of slavery when the Indians were treated like animals! Unlike the rickshaws in Delhi, they actually pull you instead of riding it. I was reminded of a horse carriage; it really was inhuman!

Howrah Bridge

This beauty!
'Built on the Hooghly river, Howrah bridge is the busiest bridge in the country ... ' I remember reading this somewhere for my geography exam. But it was only after being there, standing on the bridge, did I really feel that the statement is absolutely justified ! It was an indescribable moment standing on it, with the river flowing underneath, the traffic moving non-stop behind me and hundreds of pedestrians walking hither n thither going about their normal routines.
It was a place that gave me goosebumps; I stood there for ages witnessing the concurrence of nature and homo sapiens.

Besides these, in the little time I got to explore, I visited the local market of Esplanade and this marble wonder called Victoria Memorial. I tasted the famous Puchkas and jhal muri.  No offence but I hated them both! I prefer Delhi's Golgappe and bhelpuri. I also got to visit the KaliGhat temple. And I tasted the world-famous Sondesh! I don't have a sweet tooth, I am more of a chaat-lover but trust me, the sweets here were heavenly!
There were a lot many places I wanted to visit but paucity of time wrecked havoc with my plans!


Thank You, Kolkata for the delectable food and all the warmth!

So Long!