इबारत रेत पर - My Odyssey with the Sand Dunes.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are heading when we arrive.

This pretty much sums up my journey to ' The Golden City' - Jaisalmer. 

As I type this, the melodious folk music of the city echoes in my ears, the aroma of the delectable dishes of Rajasthani food tickles my olfactory senses and taste buds simultaneously, my eyes are still getting accustomed to absence of sand dunes, my bare feet crave for the touch of cool sand again; Jaisalmer is truly a miniature India in itself.

After planning for weeks and weeks, I found myself amidst the vast stretch of Thar Desert. It was a mind - boggling sight ; from east to west and north to south, each mm of the surface of earth was blanketed with golden yellow sand. Away from the hustle bustle of the metropolitan cities, Jaisalmer is a place to unwind your chaotic mind, open up your restrained heart, rediscover your lost soul. Believe me, it will silence you to the core.

Here is the glimpse of my trip captured in pictures and videos (Apologising beforehand for the low quality - blogspot permits only a 100MB video so I had to compress 250MB to 100MB which ruined the quality of the video!) :-

Sand, Surbhi & Solace

If I sound philosophical it is because the natural beauty that the place has been bestowed with, has broadened my horizon - I was left in awe with the sheer vastness of the desert, the grit of people who manage the tough life in a place that hardly has any vegetation and water, the brilliance of flora and fauna adjusting to the extreme temperatures of the place.

And you just CANNOT miss the sunset and sunrise here... when the sun rays kiss the horizon of earth enveloping everything in a golden-orange glow, your contented soul calls out to the heavens upon witnessing the picturesque sight - Oh My God, why were I missing this beauty for so long?

I feel the need... the need for speed.

If I am giving an impression of a forlorn traveller looking for spiritual stuff and peace, then I would like to clarify that Jaisalmer has a complete recipe for adrenaline rush. The desert safari. Round and round the Thar desert, the jeep ride is a must-to-do if you visit Jaisalmer. Trust me, the fierce rush of wind on your face during the bumpy, sandy ride will leave you invigorated. It will give you a high that no ecstasy can ever manage. It was an ineffable feeling, it can only be felt and can never be described in words! You got to do it to know what it is! 

  notice how the speed blurred the picture? 

The Rajasthani Thali

My father had specifically asked me not to miss the Rajasthani Thali at any cost. And he was right! With 32 items (31 items listed in the menu plus chhaachh) on a single plate, it is a dish you ought to try.

Camel Safari

Camel Ride is another attraction that you simply can't miss when in Jaisalmer. Moving at a slow pace that suits you or a camel race, you can choose your own way to experience and enjoy the tranquillity of desert.
It was my first time on a camel and I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared all the time that I was going to fall flat on my face especially when the camel was rising and sitting down! I was reminded of my niece's words "camel bahot jhoola jaisa hota hai!" as I held on tightly to the harness. Nevertheless, it was one helluva amazing experience and I am going to cherish it till I die!

Tannot Maata Mandir & the Laungewala Border

Again, my dear father had added this in the checklist of 'things to do and places to visit in Jaisalmer'.
Historically, this place is famous because the Pakistanis tried to bomb the temple during the Indo-Pak war of 1965 but none of the bombs exploded in the vicinity. The place was also shown in my all time favourite movie - Border. The un-exploded bombs are still kept in the museum. The temple is now managed by the BSF.
The place gave me a queer mixture of feelings - faith plus patriotism plus pride.

Laungewala Border is yet another place one just cannot miss. They show you a short movie of 20mins that enlightens you about how our valiant soldiers saved our country from the invasion of the enemies.
The destroyed Pakistani tanks are still at display. Here, have a look - 

The Impromptu Visit to Ajmer Sharif

Ajmer Sharif is a place that needs no introduction. It is an epitome of faith. Forgive my naivety, I have little knowledge of Islam but I was left stupefied with wonder upon seeing thousands of people bowing down for the namaaz in unison. You understand why every movie star visits the dargah  before release of his/her movie once you visit the place - the power of faith is palpable, the air itself smells of sanctity and devotion.
Talking about taking a leap of faith; more than the place, it was the way I visited Ajmer that needs to be mentioned here. We were on our way back to Delhi after spending 4 wonderful days in Jaisalmer. 30mins to the station of Ajmer and suddenly everybody decided to get down at Ajmer. We packed our stuff and jumped off at the station just like that! Yes, it was rash but we, undoubtedly, found unexpected joy with this unplanned addition to our trip.


Some special observations -

1.  Rajasthan is a place full of talent. The people are so adept at dancing and the musical instruments that your eyes turn saucers and you can't help but dance to the melody of Rajasthani folk music. 
If there is any place the Government should invest in to promote cultural talent, it is Rajasthan. The Fire dance, The Kalbeliya Gypsy Dance, The Bhavayi Dance and the list is endless! 

2. You will meet the sarangi-players at every nook and cranny of the city. The magical sound leaves you mesmerised. But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel sorry at the sordid state of the talented people playing so joyfully their melodious music for us. These people deserve a better life and a platform to showcase the talent that they have been bestowed with.


3. The food in the city is delectable. The various dishes leave you satiated and tript (I could find no better substitute for the feeling than this word!) Also, don't forget to taste the mirch-pakodas at the station shop in Pokhran.

4. The night sky is indescribably clear and beautiful. I sat for hours looking at the clear starry sky, with my bare feet in the cool sand. It was like heavens had opened the gates for me from above; a sheer bliss for a person like me who has an incurable homesickness for the stars. Every worry was wiped off my mind and I found the sangfroid and solace that I was pining for since the past so many months.



P.S.

I would like to thank my Sir for this wonderful trip. And would also like to apologise in case we caused too much trouble.

Special thanks to the people accompanying me who not only made this trip a cherishing experience but also taught me new things - teen patti :D
Shubhangi Kapoor needs special mention here for being the awesome person that she is and for bearing my nuisance so patiently.

Chal do na saath mere...

I reckon the title of my blog (ROFL) is soon going to go obsolete, the rate at which the seriousness in my blog is increasing. I am scared that I am losing my ability to find humour in everything !

Anyway, this blog is a consequence of  my mind's palaver that came up as I was helping my niece with her homework on 'Means of Transport'. And ironically, travelling is the only thing that helps me quieten the palaver of my head! This post talks about the same. How various means of commuting keep me from getting stranded, not just literally but metaphorically too.

• Walking
  walking has always been my greatest respite whenever I feel frustrated. It has perhaps got something to do with release of oxytocin into your body when you perspire; I feel fantastic after a 30-minutes walk. Moreover, it helps clear my thoughts and gives me a fresh perspective to see things from. My preferred style of a rejuvenating walk is leaving behind all my stuff esp phone at home making myself unreachable and walking alone, without any earphones inserted into my ears, enjoying the serenity of nature. Silence is the law of nature - trees grow in silence; the sun moves in silence. And that is how I unplug myself from the world - solitude, silence and solace. 

I grow silent. Dear soul, you speak.
~ Rumi

• Cycling
  When I learnt how to ride a cycle, I heard this profound philosophy -
  
  life is like riding a bicycle; to keep your balance, you must keep moving forward.
  Of course, I didn't understand it back then. All I enjoyed was the fierce rush of wind on my face as I rode at a breathtaking speed. While cycling, I always feel like the captain of my life - speed, direction, brakes, everything is under my control. And the secret power that I derive from the realisation that I actually AM the master of my life is enough to move mountains.

Walk out of any doorway
Feel your way, feel your way
Like the day before
maybe you'll find direction
around some corner
where it's been waiting to meet you.

• Car
  Being an amateur driver, I don't trust myself with cars. So I always ask my brother to take me for a late night long drive whenever I feel the need... the need for speed. The reckless 120kmph, no red lights, no traffic and the wide roads of Dwarka - recipe of adrenaline rush. Believe me, the thrill of speed helps overcome ANY kind of fear.

• Train
  The feel of Jab We Met !
  The best part about a train journey is how it helps you get over the past - when you sit at a window seat and look out at the picturesque scenery that is constantly being left behind as the train moves forward, you realise that life is pretty much like a train journey. You board a train, meet people along the way who have their own journeys to undertake, they will each accompany you a little before getting down at their respective destinations, you will leave so many stations and even more people behind in order to reach your ultimate destination. And the most baffling part is that once you reach there, you will realise that it is not the destination but the journey that matters and has made all the difference.
  And you never know that you might bump into your Aditya Kashayap while on a train ! :D

• Aeroplane
  A plane journey is a levitating experience, in every sense of the word. Although I find travelling on a plane quite boring, I cannot deny that it helps me rise above pettiness - as the air plane takes off, I find that I am leaving all my problems back on Earth and am rising above all the average things! It is a very abrupt feeling. I suddenly feel that my horizon has widened as much as the vast sky and every problem seems trivial, I feel powerful and capable to rise above everything and reach the sky, Trust me, the feeling is very liberating. If ever you feel bogged down by the burden of expectations or responsibilities or life in general, take a flight and fly away from everything for a while. It will unquestionably lift you up and your spirits!

• Cruise
  This is in bucket list. I am going to write about it once I tick this item off the list.
  I am pretty sure that there can be no better pleasure than sailing smoothly with the sound of sea accompanying you.

Life is about moving and constantly moving on. It is like a river- remember that stagnant water will always breed mosquitoes and become unhealthy and polluted. That is why my mantra for life is just let everything happen at its own pace and to never hang or cling onto anything; keep going with the flow. Keep walking.

Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon... bas rukna nahi chahta.
#yeh jawaani hai deewani

The Aftermath.

I have been meaning to write this blog ever since my exams ended (phew!) but I could not muster the strength. Taking the CA final exams is, frankly, a mind-fucking business. 
It was mentally so gruesome that it has been almost one month but I still get up in the middle of night imagining that I overslept and missed my exam!

I have no qualms about admitting that these exams have changed my very essence. I don't know how exactly to put it into words. It is like the person I was before exams (Pre - Surbhi) has been kidnapped by the person the mirror now shows me after exams (Post - Surbhi).
I think this is one of the tragedies of post-exams that after being bullied by an external force to continuously study, for so long, I am now suddenly facing a void that I don't know what to fill with. With the exams, I, at least had an excuse for ignoring everything else but, now, everything that I relegated to the back-burner for almost 2 years is staring back at me with a big question mark spread over its face. And what's worse, Pre - Surbhi had answers  for this but Post-Surbhi doesn't. I mean, ideally, this is the time I should be working upon building my skills - updating myself with GST, jazzing up my CV and most importantly, being fit again. But this blank, unmotivated mind is being more of an anchor, weighing me down, keeping me from my pursuits. The enigmatic part is that I don't know the why/how of this state of my mind; I am sitting on the edge of a precipice looking down at Pre- Surbhi drowning in the river below.




I am suddenly reminded of this pet dog in my nephew's neighbourhood. Its name is Buzo. It is the laziest dog I have ever seen. I have never seen it doing anything except eating or sleeping. It doesn't even care to bark at any passerby. This is how exhausted my mind is post-exams. I don't care to do ANYTHING. (Hey, wait. Did I just compare myself to a dog? See what I meant by my fatigued mind?)

I wrote this Hindi poem to do justice to the state of standstill that I find myself in. This is the first time I tried my hand at Hindi poetry. It was written sometime back but I still haven't been able to think of a title for it. (Also, ignore the typos which came up while converting it to devnaagri.)

कभी कभी खुद से मैं यूँ बतियाती हूँ
दिन भर की धूपछाँव , ज़िंदगी की दौड़ भाग से दूर
निशा के शांत पहर में खुद को मैं समझाती हू
पग पग चल, गिर कर संभल कर, 99 कोस चली मैं
इस आखरी पग पर फिर मैं क्यूँ घबराती हूँ
क्या हुई राह मुश्किल या है कम होती हिम्मत का ये कसूर
जो सामने खड़ी मंज़िल और अपने बीच एक अथाह समुंदर मैं पाती हूँ
सामने दिखता क्यूँ अंधेरा, क्यूँ डूबता हुआ सूरज
मुसीबत अर्चन के पहाड़ के आगे खुद को क्यूँ कमज़ोर मैं पाती हूँ
रात के ये सन्नाटे, ये गहराइयाँ, ये ख़ौफ़ के तिमिर निर्लज्ज
खुद मैं जानूं या खुदा मेरा जाने ऐसे में कैसे मैं अपने हृदय में हौंसले के दीप जलाती हूँ
रोज़ सपने में आती है नन्ही सुरभि और करती सवाल मुझसे एक ही वो
क्या तुम जहाँ हो वहाँ खुश हो?
और बदले मैं उससे प्रश्न एक मैं भी उठती हूँ
क्या मैं वो हूँ 20 साल बाद तुम बनना चाहती हो जो?
अपने नयनों में बड़ी हैरांनियाँ लिए वो कहती नही मैं तुम्हे नहीं पहचानती
पर मेरी आँखो में छाती उदासी देख है एकदम वो खामोशी से यूँ कहती
फिर भी ना जाने क्यूँ लगती तुम कोई अपनी, मैं तुमपे भरोसा करना चाहती हूँ
तो बेखौफ़ हो कर बढ़ो बस आगे, अब दूर नही मंज़िल पास है किनारा
भले तुम वो ना हो जिसका सपना मैने देखा
मगर हो उससे बेहतर, निडर और साहसी
मैं बड़े हो कर तुम्हारे जैसी ही बनना चाहती हूँ

Nevertheless, nothing, esp an exam, can keep me from my awesomeness for long, the Barney Stinson that I am.

I treated myself with a movie spree. I have been doing nothing but watching movies, striking them off one by one from my pending-movies list. From Dil Chahta Hai to Talvar, from The Dark Knight Rises to Fifty Shades of Grey, I left no genre untouched. I watched about 15 movies in two weeks, before resuming my office.

I also visited my aunt after almost 2 years. It was the train journey, the aimless evening walks and the reckless scooty- rides that finally pepped up my spirits and provided a much needed respite from the farrago of my mind.

P.S.

Apologies for the sheer non-sense that this post is.

It was difficult getting back to blogging after so many months! I shall try to write a better and a more meaningful post the next time.  

...in the eyes of the beholder.

I never imagined to find myself in a situation where my middle finger would be the best answer to everything. But that was before I signed up for CA.

I am sorry, I am back again to vent out my frustration at the preposterously difficult course that I chose to pursue. No wonder everybody calls us rondu... but I would love to see you swap places with a CA for once and then say it. 

I am reminded of a silly SMS that I read ages back when I had just set my foot into the world of CA and 20k free SMS plan had just hit the market which meant a flood of forwarded SMS everyday from everybody (you can't deny that life was good before WhatsApp plagued us!) I didn't really understand what was really funny in that SMS then but now I do. It was something like this -

A doctor, an engineer and a CA die together in a plane crash. Up there, they start fighting over who deserves to go to heaven. God asks them to reiterate their respective deeds to Him so that He could take the decision...

Doctor : Main ek doctor hun, Maine sari umar dusro ke dard dur karne mei laga di. Swarg ka haqdaar main hi hun.

Engineer : Main ek engineer hu. CSE. Maine apni zindagi softwares bnane mei laga di. Apke yaha bhi laga skta hu aur chitragupt ji ko rakhne ki zarurat nahi padegi apko.

God (looking impressed) : Wow... (turning towards the third man) Aur tum kaun ho ?

CA : Prabhu, main ek CA hun aur maine...

God : Bas, mere bhai, bas. Aur kuch mat bol. Sari zindagi tu narak mei roya hai, Subah se lekar shaam tak articleship mei mara hai. Kabhi classes to kabhi clients ke beech pissa hai. Ab rulayga kya? Swarg ka haqdaar tu hi hai, mere bhai, tu hi hai.


If you didn't find anything funny in that joke then let me tell you that it is okay and nothing wasn't really funny at all.

Have you ever observed that everything becomes a hundred times more interesting when you have exams coming up? Let me show you the world from the eyes of a person who has put on the 'Exam-goggles'. 

Though each one of has been there but everyone has a different fingerprint and perspective. MY perspective, I assure you, is completely ridiculous as I find stupidest of things funny for no reason at all. Let me illustrate : there is this topic in taxation 'Bonus Stripping'. I had laughed myself silly at the title! Forgive my obscenity, the section numbers make me think of lingerie and sizes - 32, 34D, 40A, 44B ! And we have some novel ones too - 35D, 43B. No wonder boys find tax so alluring!

Murphy's law is always in full swing during the exams -  When you have nothing to do, the weather is sultry hot and even the thought of stepping out gives you sunburns but when you have humoungous amount of course left, the Rain God opens the door of heavens for you and the weather becomes tantalizingly pleasant, daring you to choose between petrichor and penalties&prosecution. Answer me honestly, which idiot would leave the former for the latter? 
Even the TV people seem to hold some grudge against me : there is nothing but savdhan India/ CID (I hate them to the core) coming up when it is my break but the moment I sit to study, I hear my favourite melody - the music that is played when the WB banner is displayed before the HP movies. How can anyone study with that?!
All the novels seem to be sneering at me from my shelf testing my willpower as I weigh Inheritance of Loss against Profit&gains from Business and profession. I don't know how long the battle would continue and when would I succumb and pick up the novel.

To cap it all, all my friends (of course, Non - CA) are busy making travelling plans when I can't set my foot out of my house without being slashed by an axe placed by ICAI over my head. I am left at a loss of words when each of them voices  the same question that November is ages away then why can't I come. November is N.O.T. fucking ages away and I have so much course left that it won't finish even if I study for 16 hours a day for the remaining 4 months.
Then there is the fact that when I somehow sit to study, my appetite becomes 4times the normal. Late night study especially poses a problem now because how can I explain my famished stomach that Maggi has been banned? Nevertheless, from the old adjectives like giraffe and hanger, I have now moved on to words like jollux. The adipose tissue covering my body is making exercise anathema to me with each passing day. But in my defence,  I'd like to think of the accumulating fat as nourishment and constant supply of ATP for my brain so that I can remember all the assessment procedures.

As I sit to cram that assessment under section 143(3)/144 can be done till 2 years from end of relevant assessment year but assessment u/s 147 is to be completed within 1 year from the end of financial year (and not assessment year!) in which the notice u/s 148 was served, my intractable mind again wanders off... My inner self smugly mocks me and says may be one day you are going to get a phonecall : Namashkaar Surbhi Ji, main Amitabh Bachchan bol raha hoon Kaun Banega Crorepati se...mere samne yaha Manan Makkar baithe hain aur unhe apki sahayta ki zarurat hai Income Tax ke ek sawaal mein... may be that is where all this Income Tax is going to help me. And oh, of course, to pass the 'approaching-at-the -speed -of -light - and - I-have-gargantuan-amount-of- course- left' exams.
You could pray for me, you know. It is free and some good wishes wouldn't go amiss during a C.R.I.S.I.S. like this.



P.S. 
I tried to keep my frustration to bare minimum albeit the fact that it is so palpable. Thank goodness, there is no tax on the same or I would have been the highest taxpayer.

The Grey Fur Jacket.

It was such a strange place... I had an eerie silence engulfing me... It was neither too dark nor too bright, just enough light for everything to be visible... but where was everything? Where was everybody? What is this place? What am I doing here? How did I end up here? It was just space...plain, blank space.

I remember reading about my friend's untimely and unexplained demise in the newspaper and the shock of seeing somebody on front page of the newspaper for being found dead just like that was too much for me to bear... especially because that somebody happened to be my class-partner in 9th who never wrote a word in any bio lecture but always asked for my notes the moment the lecture got over...Once when the bio lecture got over, before he could ask me for my notebook, I offered him my notes ("here...I know, you are going to ask me for this", I smirked)... the silent and taciturn kid that I was, he was surprised at my cheek but laughed out...I then asked him lightly why couldn't he take his own notes to which he answered that he preferred to focus entirely on listening to what the teacher was saying and "besides, you write everything anyway so why should I bother", he smirked back at me. I couldn't help but laugh. And that is how I remember him - excessively intelligent, supremely confident and extremely witty.  So reading about his death in TOI left me shell-shocked... and when I could no longer bear my throbbing head, bleeding heart, crying soul, I left everything and tried to sleep... 
So this must be a dream, I vaguely wondered... but am I supposed to be aware that I am dreaming? This is bizarre.

I suddenly sensed a movement around me and spun around immediately... Somebody was approaching me...I felt a jolt of terror when I noticed the big silvery grey robes covering the figure from head to toe... now the figure was standing right in front of me...who are you, I murmured... to which the figure responded by uncovering its hood and I gasped...
All I could manage was to stare... at those eyes filled with sheer affection for me... that smiling face that I missed terribly... 
After perhaps minutes or may be hours, I wasn't sure of the time, my mind began to argue with the absurdity of what and who I was looking at... how could this be? As if sensing my bewilderment, the figure spoke - It's okay, you are not dead or insane.
I did not answer immediately but merely gazed at the figure, wondering what on Earth was happening. Did I read too much of Harry Potter and this was King's Cross?
The figure laughed out and said smilingly, "No, this isn't King's Cross and neither is this insides of the Mirror of Erised because I know I am what you'd see when you look at it.
Feeling pools of tears building inside my eyes, I took some steadying breaths. Finally, after ages it seemed, I spoke - how do you always know what I am thinking? The figure merely smiled but did not answer.
I asked - what is this place? Is this where you live now? The figure said- Yes and No. I don't live here but I have come here because you are here and you desperately wanted to see me. I know you are stricken because of your batch-mate and needed help. You have lost too many people this year. And I know that you would never speak to anybody else of your deep emotional pain so here I am.
I tried to process the indigestible information and simultaneously accept the fact,with a pang, that whatever I was seeing was surely not true and that I was losing my marbles.
The figure spoke again, "You must have noticed that I can hear your thoughts since this is inside you; I am inside you. You need to accept the fact that what's gone will not come back physically but there is another dimension that most people are unaware of. You will always find what you think you have lost within the confines of that dimension. This is that dimension. If you want proof, here it is - 
And I suddenly noticed that I was surrounded by more people wearing similar attire and gentle smiles - people I had thought I had lost and missed too much for me to bear. They all looked at me with pure love that was so palpable that I could feel the warmth enveloping me. I was stupidly looking from one face to the other, afraid of not seeing them enough when I had the chance. I wanted to hold them all, scared that I would lose them all over again. I could feel a weird heaviness around my heart  - half joy, half sorrow. And before I knew, thick tears started to fall from my eyes,washing away years of pain of my soul. For once, I didn't try to hide my tears, I wasn't ashamed of going into pieces because of my emotional weakness. I wasn't aware of falling onto my knees or of the gentle arms around me that had held me all the time. It was back like earlier times again; I was a kid again and the tragedies might not have happened at all and everything was back to normal- simple, carefree, uncomplicated life. They did not stop me but let me continue with my catharsis.
After what felt like hours, I controlled myself and looked up. They had all gone except the first figure, holding me in its arms.
The figure made me stand up. We began to walk. And talk.
"Can I stay here with you?", I asked though I knew what the answer was going to be.
"No"
"Why not?", I asked.
"Because it is not the right thing to do. I am here to make you understand that you need to stop dwelling over things too much. It is not in your power to change things. Your over-thinking will not make any difference. Everybody has his/her journey to make and you have your own. I know it is difficult but do not mull so much over what/why/how of others' journey please. You are aware that some things affect you more than others but you ought to know that they do not concern you so let go of them before they destroy you."
I nodded.
Suddenly I blurted out," If I have to let go of everything in the end why do I do anything? Why strive to achieve my goals? Why dream big? Look at my batch-mates. I lost two of them in the same year. It is all going to end anyway."
"Because to put a full stop, you need to write a sentence first.", said the figure simply.
The simplicity with which the wisdom was put shook my mind. I was left contemplating over the sagacious words said to me.
The figure took out something from beneath the robes and asked me to wear it. I immediately knew what it was- the grey fur jacket that I loved dearly as a kid. I reminisced fondly that I always got compliments whenever I wore it. It was nice and cozy; It was my favourite jacket. But what was it doing here? Surely this was some joke - how would a jacket that I wore as a 10years old kid, fit a 23years old adult? Besides, I clearly remember giving that jacket to our maid's daughter. How did it come here? But to my utter surprise, it was here AND it fitted me well enough.
What was happening?? The place seemed unearthly silent. The impossibility of everything that was happening was beginning to cloud my sanity. And my senses too; I could notice the lines around the figure blurring. I could hear weird sounds coming from around me. People? Things being moved?



And suddenly I was lying on my bed. Another dream. It was a strange dream. But it felt so real. I lay in bed for a long time trying to remember what I had seen.

Finally, I got out of bed. I saw my brother shifting stuff from one room to another. That explained at least the weird sounds in the dream if not anything else! Ever since he got back from hostel, he has been trying to fit his stuff in the house. When I approached him, he threw something at me and said that he found it while clearing the room.
It was the grey fur jacket.





RIP Sarvy.