C.A. - Conundrum Ad-infinitum

Conundrum : A confusing problem or question
Ad - infinitum : For ever and ever till hell freezes over

सुकून की बात मत कर ऐ ग़ालिब

बचपन वाला  Sunday अब नहीं आता...

And that is pretty much the story of my life these days.



Everyday, even before the rooster is up, reluctantly leaving the warmth of my quilt, I drag myself out of the bed [Okay, I admit it is only after I have snoozed off the alarm for about 5 times!], to get ready for my coaching.

Packed from tip to toe, braving the cold and fog, I reach the metro station only to see my quarry leaving me behind to wait for the next metro that is scheduled after 10 minutes or so.

-sigh-

I am late again.

The quintessential Surbhi Makkar behaviour.

I pace around the platform watching the fellow passengers, wondering, what in the name of Lord Voldemort, did I do in my past births to have earned this sort of cruelty.

No, I don't mean any offence to ICAI, but what on earth they were thinking while devising such a gruesome manner of butchering students, is a mystery that I have always failed to understand.

I mean, see...nobody, except a valiant CA pursuant, has to go to office AND attend coaching (twice a day, everyday) AND study side by side for the exams so tough that it gives nightmares daily not just because the course is unimaginably vast but also the fact that under the veneer of high standards the institute deliberately sets the papers that spell out : Did-you-think-that-you-would-get-a-degree-you-are-a-fool-We-want-you-all-to-fail...

And I am not even mentioning the harassment that sometimes articles have to face for attending the classes (as if the early morning classes are really a party that we all look forward to)

My firm, thankfully, is flexible enough but there are people who have to leave the class midway to reach office in time...what is the point of paying 25000 bucks...what is the point of making me undergo the training if you don't want me to study and be a CA...what is the point of all this new Companies Act hullabaloo and the amendments that you bring about at the speed of light if you don't fucking give me time to prepare for the exams !??!

and if that wasn't enough, you introduce some crappy mandatory advance IT training, for which you don't have the requisite infrastructure and you make students go all the way to AnandVihar from Dwarka, which we have to do right before our exams.

Oh God, I don't even have the energy to vent out my own frustration, my anger at the harsh provisions, or my fears that I would flunk...why is everybody trying to make my life miserable? :|

There are days when I simply feel like running away from everything. To hell with career, to hell with every damn person...to hell with life.

My train of thoughts is interrupted by the arrival of metro train. I see DR boarding the same metro and I find myself laughing that at least I am not the only one who is late :P

AC's coaching got over already else I would have been accompanied by yet another latelatif :D

I feel really happy when I see somebody who is latelatif-er than even ME :P

As the metro runs, my thoughts too come running back in my mind...hovering over my mind like an eagle waiting to swoop over its prey, the negative thoughts (read worry + frustration + jitters, exacerbated by sleep deprivation) wait to find any crack in my Patronus and make way inside me. But having slept badly at night, I drift off to an uneasy nap.

KS calling...KS calling beeps my mobile...and I know that it is 6:45 already and the class has begun and I am late...again...as usual.

I finally reach the auditorium.

As I enter, I am greeted with a sea of bespectacled students (It is perhaps a fashion to wear specs if you are doing such a demanding course...I wear one too. :P)

From east to west, from north to south, from every nook and cranny of the auditorium, I see about 500 students categorised into following :

1. The Geeky ones taking notes furiously and sparing me a reproving look that says : shame, shame, I know your name...you latecomer girl so lame.

2. The Carefree ones who are busy making aeroplanes in the class.

3. The fashion models - these girls look ready to go to a party. Hats off, pretty ladies. I mean the class begins at 6:30am and it takes a hell lot of time to doll up!

4. The lazybones - mostly boys, they look as if they have come straight out of bed without a shower.

5. The sleeping beauties - those who have paid 25000 and get up at 5:30am to come to the class and sleep.

6. VIPs - people yet to come...I mean, they swagger in really, really late.

7. The DPK people - SK, CJ, CG, GS, JA, SG, JG all of them grinning at me.

8. KS - The girl in lustrous black hair, smiling broadly as I enter.

9. DR - the latelatif from Dwarka walking behind me :P If his friend picks him up from the metro station on his scooty (both of them without helmets :P), he reaches earlier than me :P

10. SM - the showstopper : I, Me, Myself, Surbhi, Surbhi Makkar :D The greatest CA the world would ever see :P

Munching over the eatables that KS brings for me, I look around only to find people (except category 1) looking drowsy. Category 1 people alone have the enigmatic Hermione-Gene to resist the soporific power of the teacher.

I sleep half through my class too, the sleep deprived soul that I am...I suffer from insomnia which magically gets treated during the class :| :P

There is a cute side of CA too. :D

The course is so long and demanding, the classes so many that people get a lot of time to spend with each other :P They get to know each other well and end up being together for lifetime. My cousin keeps telling me about her friends who tied the nuptials after being CAs in the same attempt...so the girl/boy who happens to sit with you during a class merely by a lucky chance  might be the beloved you are destined to be with ! But not everybody is that lucky...there are also cases when Madam meets Sir during CPT...both of them clear the entrance...Madam proves to be a distraction for Sir...She clears the intermediate, Sir could not clear even the first group...Madam clears the final, Sir has still not cleared his first group...ultimately, CA madam breaks up with CPT-cleared Sir who then breaks up with ICAI and drops the course.

so Sirs and Madams, tread very carefully :D

Sometimes, I chide myself for not paying attention..not that I do it deliberately but two classes and 3 hours of travel and the consequential fatigue renders me incapable of understanding the fact that I am really going to regret not listening to the teacher attentively...A LOT.

But then this helplessness at getting caught in the quagmire of so-much-to-do-so-little-time-left engulfs me...Even this blog post is written out of frustration...A sense of hopelessness enslaves my mind and my already overwrought mind pleads me to let it shut down for a while...but something inside me, a little voice fights back and says - it is so easy to tune out, to shut down the systems, to close my eyes and lie back and wait for everything to end...but this is not what life is all about...life is about fighting back to victory.

And with this thought, I keep going day after day...I persevere in hope that I am soon going to reach my goal and turn my dreams into reality -

ODYSSEY : Au Revoir 2014

It seems like yesterday that I was writing my goodbye-blog last year with the familiar feeling of nostalgia, happiness and most importantly great awe that I survived another year...lo and behold, here I am...writing it again ! Time perhaps has a firebolt, it flies by fast !


Thanks to calenders, fresh starts happen every year. New year is a chance to put the past behind you, prune away old habits and most importantly to reinforce the belief that every day comes with an opportunity to start afresh.
2013 was about losses and insanely painful wounds, but as they say the wound is the place where the light enters you, 2014 meant tending to those wounds and regaining composure...and work, 2014 meant loads of work too.

My focus remained on cutting the crap out...My FB remained deactivated this year too which meant no bullshit but it also meant that I got even lesser birthday calls than the last year...I became more silent and centered and kept to myself ...in the company of people I love the most - fictional characters of novels...
Books say XYZ did this because...
Life says XYZ did this...no reason, no explanations.
No wonder some people prefer books. I am one of those people.

The consequences being that everybody remained pissed at me for not attending their birthday parties, missing all the meetups, not going to social gatherings.It was primarily because I don't like being around people for long but this year I also had a lot of work which kept me occupied. But people don't understand and I hate to give explanations or answer questions so I let them get pissed at me which they anyway would! :P

This year was also about changes...habits that didn't give me any benefit but like parasites, were sucking the life out of me, had to go...and the most important change that I incorporated in myself with respect to this was what I learnt from my brother - He is a doctor. Once when he was home, in course of our banter he said these pearls of wisdom while I was asking him how he managed to give little kids injections daily...he simply said -  unke dard se dosti kar lunga toh dur kaise karunga unka dard (if I keep thinking how much pain it will cause them, how would I treat their pain?)

And so I learnt that it is good to help people in pain but it won't do to lose your own peace of mind while helping them. Be a lamp, a lifeboat or a ladder; help someone's soul heal but do not become a mental patient yourself in the process !

                              

The Inception

The beginning itself was marked by a soul-soothing journey to Vaishno Devi and I could tell that some higher power is there for me, guiding me as I walk along in  my journey of life...It helped me accept my own pain that I was trying to numb for quite some time and acceptance brought about the determination and the will to do what I have always been known for - keep fighting till I win.
(I wrote a blog about the same already - http://surbhimakkar.blogspot.in/2014/02/ek-pal-niche-nazar-hai-ek-pal-upar_4.html?m=1)


Birthday Breakthrough

This year I had this sudden and strange urge on my birthday to break out of all my inhibitions and boundaries and try everything once while I am still on this earth...I mean, life is really short and we make it shorter by keeping ourselves fenced in our comfort zones...
So, bit by bit, I purged away the portions of my past that kept causing me immense pain for so many years...and only after letting go of it all, did I realise the weight of the baggage that I was carrying...
My resolution to try everything once, had another dimension too :P After a gap of 15 years, I resumed non- veg...it isn't as yummy as I had found it to be as a kid but at least I no more puke at the sight and smell of it :P Fish remains to be ticked off in the list.
And, er, I also tried, umm, a few things I would rather not mention here :D :P

But the best and my personal favourite item that I ticked off in this list is the one that follows next. :)

Do boond zindagi ki

The achievement I can really be proud of :)
I donated blood.
On Mother's day. :)

Why I did it?

The Mind : Every 2 seconds, someone needs blood. Each adult roughly has about 10-12 pints of blood and 1 pint is given during a donation...the blood that we donate can save lives of upto 3 people :)

Why I did it ? (1)

The Heart : It was my birthday on the 28th of April....and I wanted to celebrate it differently this year...having seen one of the lowest phases of my life in 2013, I had forgotten to laugh and smile...and then I came across this as I was randomly going through some old mails - you take care of others' smile and I shall take care of your smile...It is strange, I know, but it felt like some divine message to me...and I decided to look beyond my narrow perspective that centered around my life, my worries, my problems and try to ease the pain of others in any manner possible...
[now, I googled up a lot but there wasn't any camp happening on my birthday and there wasn't any hospital in the vicinity...having read the most boring book ever - the secret, I tried the Law of Attraction and, um, sent a request to the Universe that I wanted to do it no matter how...believe me, I got a mail the next day that The Lion's Club was going to organise a blood donation camp just a km away from my place on the 11th of May...not on my birthday exactly but nevertheless, I was amazed at how quickly my request got answered...God perhaps has a pretty good customer care service up there! ]

Why I did it ? (2)

The Soul : It happened to be Mother's Day that day and I sincerely hope that the blood I donated helped to save somebody's mother. :)

It was my first time but I would continue doing it every year, it was a divine feeling.
And on a lighter note, it is a good thing to give your 100% to every endeavour you undertake but don't do that while donating blood, just a pint would suffice :P


Work Unlimited
 I immersed myself into work this year.
I quote, again, one of my favourite booklines :

 There is nothing of any importance in life  - except how well you do your work. Nothing. Only that. Whatever else you are, will come from that.It is the only measure of human value.

(#Atlas Shrugged)

The laziness bug
I was bitten by this fatal bug as a kid and the venom continues to flow in my blood to this day.

But the matters seemed to go out of hands as my weight shot up suddenly! The oily food I used to get at the client's place while on audits exacerbated it. Thankfully, I controlled it in time (stop laughing!) by including an exercise regime in my routine and am working towards getting back in shape. :D This is going to be carried forward to 2015 as well :D

5 People You Meet in Heaven 

They say time erodes gratitude more quickly than it does beauty.

2014 gave me some very special people and I am so grateful to them for sharing their lives with me. I wish to express my sincere gratitude to them for their wonderful presence. 

I am thankful to all the people who came to my life and helped me be a better person. This specifically includes my office people and my family, of course.

But there are a few extra kaminey friends to whom I wish to explicitly convey my gratitude...

(in no particular order)

AS - My soul sister. Need I say more? :) <3 [But yeah, I would like to make a request - keep your phone switched on !!! ]

KS - We get along like house on fire :P They say that to understand a dirty joke, you need both the speaker and the listener to have a dirty mind and I have never found such a complementary mind ;) :D I'd have used the word serendipity but now that the exam-year has begun I am using a slightly, umm, technical connotation to convey my feelings -  ICAI along with Rohini ITT center applied the doctrine of harmonious construction to make me meet you :D

And of course this had to come - हमे तुमसे मिलाने का शुक्रिया..हमे हम से मिलाने का शुक्रिया :) <3

KK - Some people always say the right things. And some people never say it but always do the right things. One of the few people who belong in the latter category, you have always been a saviour. :) Your birthday gift remains pending but it would reach you at the right time (read when I stop being a lazy jerk :P) and aur zyada tarif nahi kar rahi ab main, hawa mei ho jana hai  nahi toh tune :P :P

AA - I know we don't  get to talk much now ever since my coaching began but I have had some really memorable conversations with you which made this year a little more fun, a little more joyful. And I am deliberately skipping a significant part here, hope you would understand it :D :P and if you don't, insert my favourite swear word first and then message me to know what I am talking about :P

NM - Thanks nocy. I need not mention that it feels great to be back on talking terms but I would like to draw your attention to the resilience of the bond again. :) Also, I didn't say it then (#50minutes worth of revenue for your company :D) but I missed pulling your leg wrt everything while we were not talking. :D

What 2014 taught me - 

As we flip our calenders, we should keep flipping our minds as well...and see to it that we don't fill our future dates with past events. I learnt to forgive and to commit myself to dropping the past and everything that caused me pain so that I can start afresh and welcome 2015 with renewed faith.

Time changes people but there are people who change time and in 2015 I am going to strive towards being in the latter category.  

A Happy New Year to all of you :)