दास्तान-ए-ज़िंदगी...

Pre- script: This post is dedicated to the most beautiful language, the language that conveys the depth of the emotions like no other means- URDU...I was introduced to urdu by my baba, my grandfather, when I was a kid...It has stayed with me ever since...and my love for the language has only continued to grow as I progress along the road of life...

ज़िंदगी ज़िंदादिली का नाम है

मुर्दादिल भी क्या खाक जिया करते हैं... !

(Life is for the brave hearts...cowards don't live a life.)

बात तो किरदार की होती है

वरना क़द में तो साया भी इंसान से बड़ा होता है...!

(It all zeroes down to the character of a person, else even the shadow is bigger and taller than a man.)

 

इस यकीन पर अंधेरों में सफ़र जारी है

कि मिल ही जाएँगे उजाले मुझको... !

(Carrying on with the dark journey of life with the faith that I'll someday find light.)

अगर रास्ता खूबसूरत है तो पता करो किस मंज़िल को जाता है

लेकिन, अगर मंज़िल खूबसूरत है तो रास्ते की परवाह मत करना... !

(If the journey is beautiful,worry about where it leads you but if the destination is beautiful, don't care about the journey, no matter how tough.)

ज़िंदगी जीने का मज़ा उस वक़्त आता है जब जीने का कोई ख़ास मकसद हो

वरना तो जानवर भी ज़िंदगी गुज़ार ही लेते हैं... !

(Life has meaning only when it has got some purpose. Only animals have a life without any special purpose.)

अभी आगाज़-ए-सफ़र में यूँ घबरा गये तुम

अभी सफ़र-ए-हयात में बहुत मंज़िल बाकी है... !

(Don't get scared at the inception of this journey called life. It has a lot to show, this is just the beginning.)

पूछो तो हर एक है तनहा सुलग रहा

देखो तो शहर शहर है मेला लगा हुआ...!

(Every place is buzzing with people and yet in reality, each of us here is lonely.)

किस किस को पेह्चानोगे इस शहर की भीड़ में

हर एक के चेहरे पर है हज़ार नक़ाब चढ़े हुए... !

(Everybody here wears a thousand masks, whom can you recognize and trust in this crowd of millions)

मंज़िल पे पहुँचने की होती है तलब जिनको

वो रास्ते में रुक कर सोचा नहीं करते... !

(Those who seek nothing but the success, don't stop and think about the obstacles in the path)

वो खुद ही तये करते हैं मंज़िल आसमानों की

परिंदों को नहीं दी जाती तालीम उड़ानों की

रखते हैं जो होंसला आसमान छूने का

उनको नहीं होती परवाह गिर जाने की... !

(Birds are not taught to fly, it is in their very nature.Those who seek success and have the courage to touch the sky,are not scared of setbacks and falls.)

 

कामयाबी बुलंद हौसलों और पुख़्ता इरादे वालों को ही मिलती है

डरकर जीने वाले कल भी पीछे थे, और आज भी पीछे ही हैं...!

(Success is tasted by the ones with courage, high aims and dogged determination...losers always remain losers. )

Benevolence for Blue, Glee for Green, Satisfaction for Saffron...My Real Holi.

"May this Holi fill colours of happiness, prosperity and love in your life"- whatsapp-ed my friend from her new Samsung Note III.

Samsung Note Series...My love for it began about 3 years back when I first laid eyes on the original Samsung Note- the first in the series...and my love only deepened further with Note II and III...

I was just trying to imagine the happiness my friend must be feeling when my brother reminded me that we were supposed to go donate our old stuff to the needy...that's how I had planned to celebrate Holi this time before the thoughts of Note III had clouded my mind.

And so we left.

The Cobbler.

I noticed how deftly he sew the shoes of the gentlemen, mended the heels that carry the models that the gentlemen so love to watch...it was then that I realized the paradox - he wore battered shoes.

The person who makes sure the world walks around in proper, impeccable shoes had those battered pieces of leather for shoes...I gave him an old pair of shoes and a few clothes for his children...The heartfelt smile that followed is something that the 13 mp camera of Note III would not have been able to capture...His sincere words "apki zindagi mei khushi ke rang bhare uparwala" made me feel so little...Though it was I who was wearing branded clothes and shoes but I felt he was richer than me in every sense...Here I was, cribbing over not owning the Samsung Note and there he was, happy with clothes and shoes that I no longer wanted to wear.

He taught me that we should be happy in whatever God has given us...Things are worse for others and are a lot better for us...We have what 90% of the people would do anything to have.

The Construction Workers.

The paradox again - people who build houses for everybody have nothing more than a temporary shelter made up of plastic sheets and bamboo to live...I gave whatever clothes and shoes that were left to the children and wives of the construction workers...One of the children started crying because he got clothes from me but no shoes...I felt so helpless...I chided myself for wishing to have Samsung Note III when there were people who had no houses to sleep in, no shoes to wear and no food to eat.

This was such an eye opener..I realized that I was so fortunate...I have much more than I need to be content...I pledged to stop complaining and giving out more to those who are less fortunate.

I wish to confess that these colours of benevolence, happiness and satisfaction have left indelible marks on my soul...Red, blue and green gulaal might come off after a few days but these colours would not...This was my first real, meaningful Holi...I now understand the significance of the festival...what the hackneyed Holi message of ' filling the colours of joy and happiness' actually means.I hope to continue doing such gestures not just because they make someone else happy but because they make ME feel happy...and alive...and human...and good.

I don't know why I am reminded of one of the poems of ZNMD here,

Dilon mein tum apni

Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Have a meaningful Holi :)

Mere Brother Ki Patient :D

Some tortures are physical...and some are mental...but the one that is both is dental!

Le mot juste !!!
How aptly does this describe the torture that going to a dentist is!

Before you conclude about me being among those reckless children who are brought up with candies and chocolates in mouth but no awareness of personal hygiene, I'd like to clarify that I am exactly in the opposite category.

I am one of those who took "Brush twice daily if you don't want rotten teeth" very,VERY,V.E.R.Y. seriously. Mine is that preposterous case in which I can't sleep without that minty taste of colgate in my mouth.As a kid, I even used to eat colgate sometimes while brushing- this is how far I can go as far as my loyalty towards colgate, I mean brushing, is concerned :P Before you tag me as brand-conscious, I swear by my PUMA collection that I have always been a great fan of closeup ads too...from 'kya aap closeup karte hain, kya dunia se darte hain...aap closeup kyu nahin karte hain' to 'paas aao, paas aao meri saanso mei samaao, paas aao na' I remember all the closeup advertisements.




Do baar brush karne ki keemat...tum kya jaano,cavities baabu ! :( :P
After all those precious minutes that I spent brushing with my unwavering loyalty towards colgate, when I felt a searing pain in my mouth one odd day, I shuddered with fear...the fear that the name ROOT CANAL TREATMENT brings...and then my brother (He is a pedodontist) uttered those dreaded words - you need a dentist.

The next day, I found myself sitting on a dental chair with my mouth open and weird looking instruments in my mouth...The clinic smelled of a strange mixture of mint and chlorine, reminding me of chlorohexidine....the mouthwash that I use...and the memory made me feel worse that I was the only one to take the "brush twice daily" axiom so seriously in whole of my family and yet I was the one sitting here in front of a dentist while everybody else seemed happy with their sparkling teeth flashing at me in mockery.
"Miss Surbhi" said the dentist gently. He looked not more than 35, had a dusky complexion and a pleasant face. I wondered vaguely that he reminded me of some TV actor. "You have two impacted wisdom teeth and pericoronitis...that means that your wisdom teeth didn't erupt fully. The flap of gum on it is becoming site of debris and consequently causing decay. These need to be surgically removed." I didn't know if I was happy that it wasn't RCT or scared out of my wits that it is going to be a minor surgery.

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist’s office would be full of luminous ideas.  ~Mason Cooley

Pun intended. 

What followed the next week was an OPG (orthopantomogram....it's sort of an x-ray of your mouth and is one of the strangest tests that I have ever undergone) and blood tests, a hundred queries from my brother and a thousand reassurances from his side that it was going to be nothing and won't be painful at all. Albeit the fact that I could sense the trick that he always plays on me - he makes everything sound so easy , I , like each time, listened and believed him and became a little calmer.
Lo and behold, I found myself sitting in his hospital where the surgery was going to take place. Even after watching the whole process on YouTube (injections inside your mouth, cutting up the gums, pulling out the tooth, stitching the gums back) I tried to be relaxed and ready for the surgery, not thinking about the bestial injections. But as I waited for my turn, I saw a dentist extracting a tooth. He was injecting anaesthesia inside a patient's mouth which I too was to face minutes later. And then I saw the patient shrieking in pain! The sight and the patient's howling gave me goosebumps and I ran away, out of the room...to my brother where he was doing the same on his patients and told him panicking, "mujhe nahi karaani surgery" and told him about the whole scene. He burst out laughing! He said placidly that my surgery was going to be done by his sir who would do it very gently. After 15 minutes of making me see sense, he was able to send me back for the surgery.

The doctor walked in and his students followed. I was sitting on the dental chair with my mouth open. I suddenly felt like a celebrity as all his students surrounded me to witness the surgery. They all looked so keenly as if it was going to be some spectacular show. Then I realized that they must be the articles. I mean the interns. Because I saw the look of curiosity in their eyes, the same look that I have when I see my senior prepare a balance sheet. But our balance sheets and profits and losses do not cause any pain, said my mind inside me! Before I could come out of these thoughts, the doctor inserted the injection into my mouth and I murmured kill me before I bear this,closing my eyes. Then it was excruciating pain that I felt inside my inner cheek...and then another one. Then the area went numb. I opened my eyes and saw him fumbling with a blade. He was going to cut my gums. I closed my eyes again. And then a cut here, a cut there, I could not feel it but was visualizing it inside my head. And then I felt a strong pressure- He was pulling my tooth out...I felt as if whole of my jaw would break with the pressure. And then suddenly, it was all over. He placed a wad of cotton inside because it was bleeding profusely.
I asked him to show me the tooth. I wanted to see how the thing that was causing me unbearable pain looked. What I saw astonished me.
I had imagined it to look like some monstrous thing but what I saw instead was something very innocent looking. Shining white in the light, it was God's brilliance at its best. so simple, yet so efficient and perfect. Like everything that God has made, it was a delicate blend of sheer innocence and perfection.I felt a sudden urge to hold it and keep it safe and then I realized how ridiculous I was being.

And then I was free to go. I was told to eat loads of ice cream (the only bright side of the whole process!)

I must confess that I always thought my brother's profession to be so...um different and something beyond my understanding because I always felt why would anybody want to go to the extent of bearing so much pain in getting things done to your teeth. But after being one of his patients now, I feel dentistry is the future because every other person is suffering from some or the other tooth ailment.He is going to earn more than a CA, they charge you a bomb !

I'd like to conclude with this hackneyed but very useful advice- 

which roughly translates to BRUSH TWICE DAILY !

Ek Pal Niche Nazar hai, Ek Pal Upar Nazar Hai.

If you really sincerely want something, nature grants you- I'd heard a lot of people bandying about this philosophy but never could relate to it till last week.

Having reached my nodus tollens (The realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore—that although you thought you were following the arc of the story, you keep finding yourself immersed in passages you don't understand), there was always an unfamiliar frustration building up inside me. The insane questions like 'why am I here' or 'what am I supposed to do with my life' kept bugging me ALL.THE.TIME.

As you get older, you find that life begins to wear you down. Doesn't matter who you are or what you do, it happens. Experience, time, events - they all conspire against you to steal away your energy, to erode your confidence, to make you question things you wouldn't have given a second thought to when you were young. It happens gradually, a chipping away that you don't even notice at first, and then one day it's there. You wake up and you just don't have the fire anymore. When your mind keeps hankering about the past, it gets stuck in negativity and begins to rot...and that was what I felt was happening to me..

And when it reached the apex, when I could not handle it alone myself, I surrendered..I asked for help...and it was showered on me by The Almighty in a jiffy.

My office people planned for Maa Vaishno Devi Yatra...It is believed that nobody can undertake the yatra until Maa wishes him/her to...but what I didn't know was that She hears the plea instantly before even you voice it out...in my case, She definitely did...

Situated at a height of 5300 ft. the site is located inside a cave a midst the folds of the Trikuta Bhagwati hill in the state of J&K. This cave temple is at  distance of 61 Kms from jammu and the last 13 Kms of the yatra have to be walked on foot. Once at the entrance to the cave, the path turns into a narrow tunnel with Charan Ganga running through it. The pilgrim has to wade through this to reach the sanctum sanctorum.

Each step that I took for the arduous yet beautiful journey, each drop of sweat that fell while walking,dancing the way up to the top of the hill felt heavenly...because bit by bit, it was relieving me of my frustration, my eternal restlessness and negativity...It was like somebody was untying the knots inside , opening me to my own self...yes, my muscles ached, my legs screamed to simply stop and sit down but something also kept me going...I don't know it was the hum of "jai maata di" giving me energy to keep going or the Maata herself pulling me towards bliss...

As I walked step by step, I was reminded of my my favorite verses of one of the poems by Harivansh Rai Bachchan - 

एक कोने में हृदय के आग तेरे जल रही है

देखने को मग तुझे जलना पड़ेगा ही मुसाफिर

साँस चलती है तुझे चलना पड़ेगा ही मुसाफिर

The whole journey epitomises faith...If anybody doesn't believe in power of faith, he/she ought to undertake this mind-boggling yatra...Everybody and anybody you meet on your way towards bhavan says "Jai Maata Di". There are dholwalahs playing dhol and everybody just joins in the celebration of "Jai Maata Di", the travelers on a cosmic journey,swirling and dancing in the whirlpools of infinity who have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to share this joy.

It is sheer bliss..You feel that people,circumstances, events suddenly matter no  more and all that is there is the pure truth of this enigmatic higher power which is guiding you, supporting you, giving you a hand...

Since lakhs of devotees visit the place, the old cave is generally kept closed. But this universe is big,vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes—very rarely—impossible things just happen and we call them miracles. When we reached the bhavan, the old cave was opened for the pilgrims..It was so so overwhelming...All my mental and physical fatigue suddenly disappeared...All my worldly worries seemed to be vanquishing by the power of faith...The Charan Ganga soothing my sore body and the grace of Almighty soothing my aching soul, it was an ineffable feeling. All that I could manage was a heartfelt gratitude.

There are umpteen number of memories associated with the journey for which words won't suffice even if I tried articulating them. But I learnt one mantra which this Yatra taught me - Just believe in Almighty, Know that He is there and He will take care of everything for you.

Next we went to PatniTop and NathaTop. And it was a dream come true...I always fantasized about walking down narrow roads of a mountain with snow on both the sides.

It was such a filmy scene...from top to bottom, from left to right,wherever I looked, I saw cotton-like snow...So silent, so beautiful...clear blue sky on top of me, bright white snow all around me...Utopian beauty...whoever says heaven doesn't exist, should visit this place...It left me in awe with beauty that God has created around us...It silenced my mind to the core, it gave deep rest to my soul which I was yearning for so many years...I felt in harmony with nature, with myself.

We spent hours sliding and mindlessly playing in the snow...Climbing on top of the mountain and then sliding back together was indescribable fun...

I finally understand what Ranbir meant when he said - "Main udna chahta hoon, daudna chahta hoon, girna bhi chahta hoon ... bus rukna nahi chahta"

P.S.

1. I want to thank my Sir because of whom the plan of this trip got accomplished without any hindrance...and also for being so understanding and patient and bearing the nuisance that all of us were and also want to apologize on behalf of all of us if we caused any trouble unintentionally.

2. I want to thank my friends who made this trip memorable for me. The time that I spent with you all is something I am going to cherish for lifetime. Chirag Grover and Shubhangi Kapoor need special mention here for it was on their insistence that I went for this trip.

Odyssey : Adieu 2013

Zendagi Migzara...Life goes on...
With this shittiest albeit the truest philosophy of life, I reach end of another eventful year...2013 has been the craziest year of my life so far...arduously testing my endurance and resilience, it slapped me awake from my slumber to the reality...
But life is such...life is not fair, but life is not fair to everyone. That makes life fair...

"Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life...but it ain't about how hard you hit but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward"

Family, career, friends everything took a new turn...I was left stranded in a completely unfamiliar territory which was a mixture of good and bad...all in all, 2013 showed up a totally different side of Surbhi Makkar...
Here's a flashback of the same-


The WOW side
The farewell ceremony...I was awarded the title of 'Miss Diligent'
(miss diligent? What? How? Why?
In three years of my graduation, I never reached on time for a single class.If I ever managed to attend my first class it was because the teacher was late.
I had never submitted any assignment on time
I skipped most of the class tests
I was often chucked out of classes
I had serious attendance crisis
I used a single register for all the three years
I never even tried to listen to the teacher in the class)

2 weeks before the farewell, when I told people that our college farewell was going to happen soon...

Male members of Makkar family – Surbhi won’t ever attend it

Female members of Makkar family – Surbhi won’t ever attend it

Male friends- Surbhi won’t ever attend it

Female friends- Surbhi won’t ever attend it

When I announced that I wanted to attend the ceremony...
Everybody- WHAT?!? (always the tone of surprise !!!)


When I elaborated further that everybody wears a saree and so would I...
Male members of Makkar family – saree?! Hanger lagegi…giraffe lagegi (hats off for the adjectives used)
Female members – saree?! Hot lagegi…gorgeous lagegi (thank you,pretty ladies)


So began my hunt for the right saree which by the way I wanted to wear low waist :P
After running everywhere to find the right stuff (blouse,accessories,heels) I found myself standing in front of the mirror on the day of the farewell and I could not recognise myself !
I reached college (2hours late,chiding myself for the fact that in the three years that I spent here,I was NEVER on time for any of the classes and I am late even on the last day!)

My observations and experience after the ceremony got over-

1. NOBODY recognised me…the moment I entered the venue,all my friends and classmates kept staring till I finally took a seat and after a long awkward pause when I asked what was wrong,all of them blurted out together “maal lag rahi hai maal…roz kya ban ke aati hai,aj kya lag rahi hai” (for those of you who are not aware of the DU lingo,maal here doesn’t mean stock…it is a vernacular term for femme fatale :P) when I returned home,the door wasn’t opened for me because my family refused to believe that it was me…no hyperbole intended..
2. No matter how seductive it looks,it is a real pain in the ass to wear a saree ! you can’t even walk properly ! I was about to fall ALL.THE.TIME..and I don’t know which Einstein called it to be the traditional dress of India- it’s SO revealing,dude !
3. HEELS !!!
   WHY ?!?
   I can’t walk properly even in flats ! I think that my cerebellum didn't develop only- there is no coordination between my limbs :P
4. I was a total failure while posing for the pics…
   kuch nahi aata surbhi tujhe ladkiyo wala [sic]
   thoda thik se khadi ho jaogi ek baar [sic]

Here is my picture, the middle one is how I normally look and rest of them are in saree...don't I look different?! :P

Though it is out of context but I also learnt an important lesson-never ever play Holi if you have to wear a sari the next week !!! The Murphy-law states that the colour won't come out esp from the face,neck and back and also you will get gulaal-allergy that won’t subside for weeks !(Thank you whoever invented the thing called foundation...you saved me :P)


The sick-of-social-media event
I deactivated my FB...it has been one of my best decisions this year,according to me...it gave me some real peace of mind and helped me reset my priorities...no more fussing over who got into relationship with whom, who got 123456789 likes on his/her DP or "you did not like my pictures" crap from people, like this if you care for India/poor dying/dogs unadopted/WTF requests...apart from nobody wishing me birthday, I think I am not losing out much...so I see no plans of reactivating it in the near future...


The unexpected
With all the personal shit happening, I was pleasantly surprised to score 70% in my final year...it isn't without any reason that I always say-DU,you are the best!


Reality Bites
Articleship...the grilling interviews...and I was at my surbhi-est best...


Interviewer : could you please tell me something about section number 69 ?
Surbhi : sir, I am sorry but I don't remember any of the sections.
Interviewer : why? how are you going to handle all the clients then ?
Surbhi : sir because I feel we can always google them up..you remember them only because you have been applying them here for so many years (this is called babaji ka thullu :P what on earth was I thinking?! )


I need not say that I was chucked out for my brutal honesty.


Next one...SNB...one of the top 20 firms...The director wanted to meet me in person because he loved what I wrote in my essay...after the 40minutes interview that followed, I knew that his daughter was married to some NRI in London and I had also seen his grandson's video in his Iphone4...screw you,Accounting standards/section numbers/audit procedures...this is how real interviews should happen...to make you feel at ease with the company you might soon be joining...and the best part,his words -"you are a champion in my eyes..I give you an opportunity,prove me right"


I was born a moron so I did not join this firm...
But I don't regret it much...I joined a decent enough firm where I have made friends who are perhaps going to last lifetime unless they get pissed off at me for I bug them a lot with my never-ending doubts...September and July were the busiest months, no time to even eat your food properly...I was sent for audit of an export company...it has been a good experience so far...I hope I'll eventually learn the real ca stuff and be a good (read sexy :P) chartered accountant :D


Things you lose have a way of coming back to you
SRCC...my dream college...I could not make it there because of a mere 0.25% (& what was worse was the fact that my best of four was less than my aggregate) it left a deep gaping hole inside my heart and I hated myself for the entire three years when I had to pass right across srcc daily...but destiny works in strange ways...
Lo and behold, I am walking down the lanes of srcc...not as a student but as an auditor...with authority to check any fucking thing in srcc's finance and accounts department...it was a divine feeling :)


Another divine feeling is when people you thought had disappeared from your life because of various enigmatic reasons,like your childhood friends,reappear and brighten up your life with their presence :) To them I want to say "tanik dhanyaavaad" :D ;)


GMCS- an eye opener
It was here that I practically learnt not to judge a book by its cover..that what you see is not always true...people who appear all glittery are not always gold and people you take for silver might in fact be platinum...Jim Corbett is something I shall always cherish :)

The Testing phase
When you lose the last thread that ties you to your existence, life suddenly seems meaningless...when you don't want to be where you are, but you know you'd never want to be anywhere no matter where you are, life looks lost...when hope doesn't matter anymore because it would lead to another hopeless destination...when the days ahead are not necessarily dark, but it doesn't even matter because you no longer have the energy left to face a new day...when there is nothing you look forward to, this is the perpetual state of mind you are in...during such moments I recall my all time favourite words-



and last but not the least,


The bizarre event
This is for the person I have never met in my life...I have never even spoken to this person ever...A friend of mine forwards my picture to this person for some silly reason saying that she is a really amazing person,laughs around a lot and all that bullshit...and the craziest thing I ever heard from a total stranger,this is what that person had to say about me - iske chehre pe hasi hai but andar bahut pain dikhta hai iski eyes se..jaise bahut kuch dekha ho isne zindagi mei...
how,HOW,H.O.W. could you say this about me,face reader ! you put down the drain my years of poker-face-practice...I am so so curious to know what made you say that about me...I hope that I shall meet you someday,given the present circumstances (:-D), and might be able to ask this from you...because somehow you pierced right through the veil and I felt so exposed...like you stole my secret without my permission...I wasn't offended or sad or angry or anything but merely curious...I wish to get my answer soon :)


With this I bid goodbye to 2013...and welcome 2014 with open arms to embrace the happiness and opportunities it has in store.
A Very Happy New Year :)