ऐसी आदत है हमें काम करने की
कि उसी को सबकुछ बना लेते हैं,
उसी रट में लगे रहते हैं, उसी को ज़िन्दगी बना लेते हैं
उसी से शिकायत है हमें
और फिर उसी पर जान न्योछावर,
काम काम नहीं होता
अगर आदमी काम का नहीं होता
ऐसी आदत है हमें काम करने की
कि उसी को सबकुछ बना लेते हैं,
उसी रट में लगे रहते हैं, उसी को ज़िन्दगी बना लेते हैं
उसी से शिकायत है हमें
और फिर उसी पर जान न्योछावर,
काम काम नहीं होता
अगर आदमी काम का नहीं होता
Let me build a bit of background here first. I was always one of those people who had her life sorted since the beginning - getting good grades to get a decent college and then a job to make myself financially independent. I was, in simple terms, that cliched person who utters the words "working sincerely... giving my best...proving an asset" in interviews and then slogs the ass off to mean these words. But when I entered the corporate world and saw its ugly face, I realised the pretty picture I had in my mind was a mere illusion. The 'just out of college with her degree' me could not understand a few fundamental things plaguing the corporate culture -
1. How is sitting late a proof of efficiency? I mean, I could clearly see that a certain work can be finished in x hours but people will sit for (x+x) hours just to show that they are committed to the organisation, come on holidays, leave behind their families for work... I mean to say that I am not against working per se but it is the pretence of work that is beyond my comprehension and the fact that who have mastered this art are the star employees. And if I ever discussed this with anybody, I either got lectured on feminism or the fact that "kaam to aise hi hota hai..sab manage karte hain toh tum bhi karo, excuses mat do".
2. I don't know it's just the Finance department thing or a CA mindset thing but people will just NOT work till it's nearly the last day. I guess, the deadline pressure gives them a high or makes them more innovative? Not unless they pull all-nighters with all the free food and mugs of coffee/chai, shall the balance sheet be perfect.
3. Indian office culture is about making you feel guilty if you take a planned leave. Sometimes, taking a leave on a gazetted holiday (yes, you read it right!) will make you unreliable.
4. Don't even get me started on office politics for promotions and recognition. Even the thought makes me nauseous.
What's worse is that it is a never-ending loop. Everybody is doing it because their seniors did it. Anybody protesting against is the most useless employee.I don't know , it's either me who's wired not to fit into corporate culture or there's is something grossly wrong with the way we have made our lives centered around our work. My father cancelled a family trip for work and that's how I got the time to write this long-intended blog. See the irony?
Off late, I have been questioning my choice of field or the way I define success. True, I have a degree and a job that thousands of people aspire for...but if it is not making me happy, is giving me constant health problems, is changing my psyche and my behaviour; is it even worth? But then, if not this then what? From that sincere person who gave her one hundred percent in every endeavour, I have become that person who goes to work just for the paycheck, relegating to the backburner, that strong urge to do something unconventional at the back of my mind , day after day. That voice inside me that says live your dreams, grows feeble with each passing day because the reality is gnawing on the dreams like a hungry dementor.
The bitter truth remains that nobody seems to find this disturbing because most people think that this is not something that matters... so I have stopped discussing this with anybody at all. Notwithstanding the fact that if what you do makes you unhappy and is altering the way you respond to everything, including yourself, this problem goes unnoticed. The only way I have come up with is to stop taking work/ office personally, minding my own business and focusing on personal growth and goals. It seems to be working so far. To conclude, I'd like to quote Nida Fazil -
सफर में धूप तो होगी , जो चल सको तो चलो
सभी हैं भीड़ में , तुम भी निकल सको तो चलो
किसी के रास्ते राहें कहाँ बदलती हैं
तुम अपने आप को खुद ही बदल सको तो चलो |
