Oh Darling, Let's Be Adventurers!

I'd have admitted that my blog posts have become as recurring as service tax returns but 2017 meant subsumption of all indirect taxes into one umbrella tax of GST so my CA-brand joke is a complete malarkey. (Service tax returns were half-yearly unlike GST returns, got the PJ now?)

Anyway, philosophers and successful people might say that only losers give excuses but I think that I deserve to justify my absence before being tagged as a loser!

So, my brother decided to get married to his beloved this year. We also undertook a totally mind-consuming (not to mention financially-depleting!) job of renovating our home this year. I had my personal goals to meet - CA and campus placement. With all the hullabaloo going on, my blog got relegated to the sidelines. Anyway, now I am here to rant again!

My aversion to everything that spells intimacy is universally known, be it love or wedding. Before all of you judge me heartless and evil as the villainess fairy Maleficent, I want to clarify that I am THE HAPPIEST person alive that my brother got married.

Personally, I believe, a wedding is a cockamamie concept. It drains you mentally, emotionally and FINANCIALLY! One's head resembles a Prestige Cooker (ironically, the tag line says 'jo biwi se kare pyar, wo prestige se kaise kare inkaar') steaming off at 250 degree F out of stress; relatives who taunt you and get upset for anything and everything at the speed of light; and your 10 years or 20 years of savings go into a sewer for throwing a themed wedding or a destination wedding respectively. Agreed, you are happy to finally be with the love of your life but why invite a clan of 500- 1000 people that you barely know and spend a million bucks entertaining them instead of just those few you can count on fingers who truly, genuinely care about your happiness? And it's just not about the money, the whole wedding saga is a torture in itself - I considered the saat pheras to be sacred before I saw all the people sleeping and snoring during the ceremony. Anyway, I can never run out of arguments against getting married so let me focus on what this post was originally meant to be about - 

How I could use all that money to give solace to my restless soul... by travelling far and wide...
Now that I have a steady source of income, I have started thinking about fulfilling my travel dreams. What appeared like a soap bubble to me earlier, now seems realistic. I have gradually begun to understand why exactly I run away from the idea of relationships and marriage - it is the thought of being settled, of getting into shackles of societal obligations and above all, of being chained to one place or routine, that haunts my nomadic soul. I keep pouring over articles and blogs that talk about places to travel in a budget, how to save for travel and what not. This blog post is my first step, symbolic of my promise to myself that from now on, I live to turn my dreams into reality... This is going to be the reminder in my frustrating moments that there is light at the end of the tunnel, so keep moving...

While the above mentioned rosy thoughts might motivate me to hit the road right away, my sane mind rings the bells - Surbhi, you need the funds! So here is how I plan to save for my travel goals -

1. Create a  travel corpus.
Call it your 'Adventure Account' to own a  'Dream Debit Card'. Remember, good things take time. It is a marathon, not a 100m sprint. Go steady but stay committed to saving for your cause. The best way is to set your salary account on auto-debit mode for some TDs (read travel deposits instead of term deposits!) because the only real life equation I understand is Income- Saving = Expenditure. Set aside some savings first and then expend the balance in a wise manner.

2. Cut down on wasteful expenditure
Once you have saved a portion of your income, focus on allocating the balance in such a manner that you are able to increase your savings by 10% p.a. Instead of draining your money on a Starbucks Coffee with a bunch of spendthrift friends, you could convince them for a Delhi-Darshan while sipping away a local cup of chai while soaking in the local culture. Or you could curb on your weekend outings to malls and cafes. The idea is to do away with everything that comes in way of your dreams; your peer group might start mocking you but be ruthless about your priorities!

3. The Great Indian Sale by Amazon
All of us are aware that Amazon is the biggest e-commerce company in the market and its revenue roots from people like us who shop away our salaries at the click of button. What I mean to say is that you need to keep your shopping tendencies off the table, if you want to savour the cuisines in the various parts of the world; that one GAP dress can cost you your trip to Grand Canyon. Either own that Louis Vuitton or go visit St Peter's in the Vatican City. Your fashion-crazy friends will definitely make fun of you, might call you 'aunty' because of your good old attire of jeans and t-shirt but we shall see who has the last laugh while watching the  Northern Lights in Norway.

4. Supplement your income
Find ways to boost your income. Just to illustrate, I keep participating in writing contests and have won 7500 bucks apiece.I know people who earn through online selling on amazon or through digital marketing. Every person has been given some skill or the other. Discover your talent and monetise it!

5. Be practical in your approach
Start with simple things like doing away with double expenses - people carry multiple sim cards and keep paying multiple expenses. If you don't watch TV, you could cut away your cable and save on a lot of money annually. You could car-pool or use public transport to save as well as contribute to environment.

6. Keep your eyes on the goal
You would often be tempted to stray away from your goals - friends and family would call you miser, stupid, crazy... but don't deter. I keep reading and looking at travelling blogs and pictures to keep myself motivated and focused. 
Here, have a look -

• The-50-most-beautiful-places-in-the-world
• Beautiful-places-in-india-you-must-visit
• 20-Places-In-Indian-You-Can-Visit-With-Just-10000-Rupees

And just to pique your interest, here is a compilation of some of the most picturesque places around the world - 

1.Christmas Island, Australia

2. Plitvice Lakes, Croatia

3. Glen Coe, Scotland

4. Valley of Flowers, Uttarakhand

All the beautiful places in India and the World, here I come !

Oonchi Hai Building, Lift Teri Band Hai :D

My great-great-great grandfather told his son that his great-great-great grandfather was friends with Uncle Darwin. Now, Uncle Darwin was a peculiar kind of a man. He, according to me, was a pessimist who believed that you will be wiped off the surface of the Earth If you don't change. Well, what he really propagated was the theory of natural selection and the survival of the fittest but what a lame person like me understands by it is that if you do not change with the changing world, you will soon be engulfed by obsolescence. 
The easiest example that I can come up with is that of Nokia. The company failed to keep up with the technological changes and lost all its market share to android phones.
They say that the only constant thing in life is change! All is hunky-dory with the concept of change except that it is a real challenge to leave behind things that you so loved and replace them with something better. But the real question that the Philosopher- Surbhi wants to ask is that if change /really/ is as good as it is touted to be. Allow me to put forth my arguments. But before that I would like to state that these are my personal opinions and are not intended to hurt anybody's sentiments, so keep control over your melodramatic tendencies please!

The world of music was bombarded a few years back by this sensation known as Arijit Singh. The whole country was in tears to hear his 'sun raha hai na tu, ro raha hu main.' He is the God of unrequited love and Messiah of jilted lovers.
But I personally believe that no matter how advanced the music industry becomes, how much we sway to Ed Sheeran's Shape of you, nothing can replace the old meaningless songs that the Bollywood produced. These are the songs that I remember singing with my cousins whenever there was a power outage and we had nothing to do except play Antakshri. (Can any game on your Playstore replace this good old Antakshri? And just out of curiosity, how many of you sing Tum hi ho instead of Tu cheez badi hai mast mast in the game?) 
The other day, one of my friends mocked me for maintaining a diary for all the movies I have watched and books I have read. He said I could do that on IMDB and Goodreads. This is one reason that makes me detest changes. It would break my heart if I even think of giving up on my diary and start a list on IMDB! Uncle Darwin said people like me would be wiped off because we lag behind.

Anyway, this post is not about changes per se. It is about the ridiculous lyrics that the songs back then had. It is about the inexplicable solace that I derive listening to these because they somehow connect me to childhood days when there was neither worry nor care! Life was easy and I was not surrounded by scary-looking & big books on GST or had deadlines to meet or stressed about responsibilities at home. This post is about what these songs are symbolic of - cable TV, video games, postcards & greeting cards, carom board & ludo, Kya aap closeup karte hain, Aahat, B.R. Chopra's Mahabharat every Sunday, Champak and what not.

Here are the songs that make me burst out laughing because of their silly lyrics but these never fail to cheer me up because each time I listen to them, I am like - what were they even thinking. :D (An absolutely irrelevant observation is that these are mostly from the movies of Salman Khan :P well, what else can you expect. :P )
Of course, there are countless such songs but here is a compilation of what I can think of at the moment!

1. Tan Tana Tan Tan Taara
I am unable to choose which lines make me laugh the most - suna hai tere chahne wale, aage dus hain piche barah or Tu meri hai pepsi-cola main tera hu coca cola :D
You got to see whole of it to get the feel of Bollywood rhymes and the dance moves because the song itself says ek baar se dil nahi bharta mud ke dekh mujhe dobara :P
Also, I am not ashamed to admit that I loved the movie Judwaa and it is taking all my willpower to resist adding the other songs from the movie, whether it is East or West, India is the best or Duniya mei aaye ho to love kar lo, thoda sa jee lo thoda thoda mar lo :P

2. Hawa Hawai
Awi Wiwi Wiwi Wiwi, chee ho ho honolulu lu lu, honolulu, Hing bekei Hong Kong king kong, I seenoosi yusiloosi hassi toso, lassi pissi, mombasa, ping pong. Ake chikke lakee chikee.
Enough said!
My favourite lines - Bijli girane main hu aayi, hekte hain mujhko hawa hawai :D

3. Papa kehte hain bada naam karega
Every time I did something stupid or scored low marks, I was made to hear this song at home :D And people wonder how I grew up to be so sarcastic!
My favourite lines - Koi engineer ka kaam karega, business mei koi apna naam karega :P

4. O o Jane Jana
Inception of Salman Khan's shirtless era :P
I like this song because of its peppy beats ! And come on, isn't it universally accepted that it is a crime to ignore a guy with guitar? :P Except the fact that this song has Salman Khan, everything about this song is great !
My favourite lines - not the lines but the guitar at the inception of the song!

5. Ole Ole
This is the musical version of the fact 'Men will be men' :P
You may disagree if you wish but this song has accepted the reality that guys go nuts in vicinity of estrogen-carriers.
My favourite lines - the main lines  jab bhi koi ladki dekhu mera dil diwana bole ole ole ole, ole ole ole :D

6. Choli ke peeche kya hai
Kukukukuk... this one needs no introduction :D
It is one of the most sensuous songs of its time! And Madhuri's dance moves are worth dying for! She alone could do justice to the wonderful beats of this song!
My favourite lines - aashiq pade hain piche, koi idhar ko khinche koi udhar ko khinche :P

7. Na jane kahan se aayi hai
Sridevi's expressions need a standing ovation!
My favourite lines  - Kisi ke hath na aygi ye ladki :D

8. Jumma Chumma 
Again, this song has the real touch of what Bollywood represents! It shows the plight of the guy begging the girl for a kiss in a quintessential filmy way ! Listen to this song if you like hardcore hindi music!
My favourite lines - Jumma chumma de de, jumma chumma de de :D

9. Tum par hum hain atke 
The lyrics are typical of Bollywood :D
You got to listen to this for its rhyming scheme :P
My favourite lines - Mere bhaiya toh bharwayenge tujhse to pani ke matke :P

10. Kisi disco mei jayein
How could I not include Govinda's songs :D His epic expressions while dancing the weird dance, set this song apart :P This one still leaves people grooving when played on DJ :D
My favourite lines - chalo ishq ladaye, chalo ishq ladaye :D

This is by no means even the tip of iceberg that the Bollywood music industry is! Comment about your songs that crack you up, in the comment box!


Yours sincerely
A person averse to changes & a 'rigid' fan of RiHiMuSo 
(~Ridiculous Hindi Music Society)

P.S. I am the founder and President of RiHiMuSo.

Whatever.

House# 13
Doldrums Lane

Panic City

Low Spirits - 100001

02/06/2017

The Secretary
The Department of Emotions
You-Make-Me-Sick Road.

Sir
Subject : Cancellation of my subscription to your department.

This is to bring to your kind attention that I would like to unsubscribe to all things related to your department because of the reasons enlisted below -

1.  I have absolutely no faith in the quality of your products. You claim to sell cherries but they turn out to be lemons. I have seen people portraying happiness when they are in fact green with jealousy.

2. There is no market left for genuine care. People run helter-skelter behind the beguile and do not believe in gestures. As they say in Hindi, 'Jo dikhta hai, wo bikta hai'. There is no meaning left in what I silently do to make life easy for people around me...my gestures don't count but what matters is that 'tumne haal chaal nahi pucha humara'. I am not the type who beats the trumpet, so the hell with everything. You neither get the care, nor the haalchaal puchna, all you get now is silence. Enjoy.

3. Anxiety and panic attacks have been the bane of my life. Please, PLEASE, P.L.E.A.S.E. just get this shit out of my life now. Earnest request.

4. Anger! I am nauseated by people who take their ire out on innocent people around them who have no relation whatsoever with the cause of their anger. People who shout at everybody and anybody have long since lost respect in my eyes. These empty vessels that make so much noise, make me reach my nadir of patience. Just erase this nonsense asap, please!

5. Exams? Frustration. Result? Frustration. Job? Frustration. Some social obligation? Frustration. People? Frustration.
Enough said.

6. In return of the trust I place in people, I only get disgust as the by-product of betrayal. It brings suffering, dejection and grief as other co-products. But predominantly, it induces fear, to be honest. I am scared to 'trust' my own judgement now!  


I hope that I have cited enough reasons to be able to call for cancellation. If not, you could send your executive to visit me and see just how sick I am of your products.
 As they say, those who are heartless. once cared too much. I am done caring and I now wish to purchase the heartless part of the adage. If you sell heartlessness, please courier it to the aforementioned address after deducting any discounts that you may be offering. Or is there some exchange bonus? You know, trading all the shitty emotions for heartlessness and I-don't-give-a-damn products?

In anticipation of a quick response from you,
Yours annoyingly
My Middle Finger.

Kisi ke Hath na Aayegi ye Ladki Part #1: Kolkata Diaries.

Not all those who wander are lost...



Like every dreamer, I too had my bucket list prepared by the age of 10. Well, I didn't know it was called a bucket list but you get the drift, I hope. I wanted to travel to every nook and cranny of my country and then the world. But life doesn't work like Aladdin's Magic Lamp - your wish is my command.  I got caught up badly in the quagmire that the life sometimes throws into your path. But somewhere deep inside me, I had that dreamer alive who was waiting for her opportunity to swoop upon and be a globetrotter. 
And voila, with some fortunate twists, I got to travel to Kolkata! Well, it is a start!

The best part about travelling is the feeling of removal of my comfort zone. The feeling that how much I have been missing on, how much I need to see is both unnerving and overwhelming.  
Let me take you on a journey of Kolkata with my eyes - 


People, People everywhere.

Delhi is barely a dot on the map of India. West Bengal is gigantic in area. Despite that, the first thing I noticed about Kolkata is that it is densely populated. The only place that matches this density in Delhi is Chandni Chowk. Or may be Rajiv Chowk Metro station. I couldn't stand and admire any place, I was swept by the crowd if I stood at any place even a second longer. But Kolkata is made of wonderfully helpful people. As sweet as Rosogulla. As soft hearted as Sondesh. I asked my hotel manager about some good places to visit and he actually took out 30 minutes to write it all down on a piece of paper for me! I was flattered.

But one mind-boggling thing was their attitude between 2 to 5 pm. The city shuts down completely as if in curfew. Everybody refuses to work, shops closed, the taxi hoods raised up, the city comes to a halt. Weird norm really!


The Tram & the Metro.

Tram is the most famous mode of sightseeing ! it is utterly slow but gives a glimpse of most of the important places of the city. It is actually a train like structure that moves on the road ! It is a good option if you have a lot of time in your itinerary and don't mind the slow pace.
The metro system of Kolkata is the oldest one in India.  1984, can you believe that ? I was in awe with the historical connection. 
And you know the best part? Public transport in this city costs you a dime! 


Eden Garden!

It resonates the vibes of Sachin & Kohli, Dravid & Yuvi; you really have to be here to feel this place ! The feeling is ineffable! The place breathes of cricket and cricket, as everybody knows, flows in every Indian's blood!



The Blue-White City of Chaos through the Windows of Yellow Ambassador.

The theme of Kolkata is blue and white. Except of course the eye-catching yellow ambassador taxis. Unlike Delhi's ubiquitous e-rickshaws, Kolkata's roads are fraught with yellow taxis that remind you of the 80s! I asked one taxi driver if it was profitable driving the taxi in the city and he told me that the taxi fares have been fixed by the government and have not risen for the past 5 years or so and it is an impossible task to earn even two square meals driving the yellow taxi with Ola and Uber eating up the market. He even mentioned about a strike that the yellow taxis did about 3years back to ask for a rise in the fare but the government simply refused to cooperate! 
The traffic in the city is chaotic, this is saying something coming from a Delhite as there is nothing more notorious in Delhi than its traffic, except perhaps the swear words. By chaotic I don't mean that the people don't follow the traffic rules. What I mean is that people immediately halt at the red signal but as soon as the signal turns green, there is a mad rush on road, there are no roundabouts to help slow down the traffic at junctions. I think the traffic policemen should be awarded a nobel prize for handling the traffic in this city !


The dichotomy

There was no dearth of Jaguar, Audi and Merc in the city. But at the same time the sordid state of the poor and the destitute made me feel so miserable. The rich drove on, while the sides of the roads whispered the sorry stories of the underprivileged. And the sight of rickshaw pullers in the city will remind you of the British era  of slavery when the Indians were treated like animals! Unlike the rickshaws in Delhi, they actually pull you instead of riding it. I was reminded of a horse carriage; it really was inhuman!

Howrah Bridge

This beauty!
'Built on the Hooghly river, Howrah bridge is the busiest bridge in the country ... ' I remember reading this somewhere for my geography exam. But it was only after being there, standing on the bridge, did I really feel that the statement is absolutely justified ! It was an indescribable moment standing on it, with the river flowing underneath, the traffic moving non-stop behind me and hundreds of pedestrians walking hither n thither going about their normal routines.
It was a place that gave me goosebumps; I stood there for ages witnessing the concurrence of nature and homo sapiens.

Besides these, in the little time I got to explore, I visited the local market of Esplanade and this marble wonder called Victoria Memorial. I tasted the famous Puchkas and jhal muri.  No offence but I hated them both! I prefer Delhi's Golgappe and bhelpuri. I also got to visit the KaliGhat temple. And I tasted the world-famous Sondesh! I don't have a sweet tooth, I am more of a chaat-lover but trust me, the sweets here were heavenly!
There were a lot many places I wanted to visit but paucity of time wrecked havoc with my plans!


Thank You, Kolkata for the delectable food and all the warmth!

So Long!